[65]You know the funny thing about it, I couldn't answer. No, I couldn't answer. What is it all for..? Time moves too slowly. I need to get out of here, find a place I belong. So tired of this world. I never thought I was fit for animation or comic illustration. Writing is not one of my strengths, but.. I was wrong. I have to do it. Immerse myself in stories greater, more free than this 'reality'. And share them. Don't wake me from the dream, It's really everything it seemed..

[64]This time it's the sun standing still Dunno. I could count on two hands the number of people I do or would hang out with at my school. I won't go into it, let's just say there's a large gap between morals, and the rest are busy AP students with whom I don't share many interests. I'm going to get to college and finally be around decent people and be like, "how i social?" heh. I'm putting off writing a reply to a letter somebody sent me. She's a year younger than I am; our grandmothers are friends and while they were visiting my grandparents it came up that we're both going to study art. "dunno" is pronounced as in the quick phrase "I dunknow" but I always read it as "du know/do noe" or what-have-you. Or iunno as yuno. *shrug* Northern Room is another incredible band, by the by. This Wreckage or Last Embrace. So good.

[63]With quiet words I'll lead you in "Being hurt inevitably breeds feelings of hatred towards your attacker. We have to deal with their hatred for us, and our own feelings of guilt. But knowing what it feels like to be hurt is exactly why we try to be kind to others. That's what makes us human." Contemplate for a moment.. then think of it in reverse. Can you think of anyone you've never known to harm another person, in any way? Slightly withdrawn or humble.. I wonder what their story is. They say loneliness is the greatest pain in this World. ... I should go buy more blue shirts and a new jacket. All this grey isn't me. cobalt blue and white. yes.

[62]If I can't hear you.. God.. what a Monday. Can a single thing go my way? I'll settle with general direction if I have to.

[61]That you were alone and lost in this world Writing about daily life is no fun. When I started this I wanted to try something different. But I think I've been doing less of that lately. So this should be the last thing that falls near the former. Lately I've been treating school like a summer class. For some subjects, I'm here because I'm genuinely interested (just the art ones, really). It's becoming less about making the grades and deadlines, and more about experimenting and learning for my own benefit. It's like a huge deja-vu experience of these amazing summer programs I used to do.. The rest of the core classes remind me of the SAT prep classes I took a few weeks of last summer. It seems weird to have fond memories of something that wasted my free time, but the atmosphere was just so much better. That and the very short time I had to be there each day made me more willing to pay attention. Without a doubt I have the weather to thank. :] On another unrelated note, have I ever mentioned how incredible Deas Vail is? (That's an understatement.)

[60]Wet tissues stick to my shoes Something that's been bugging me as of late: "Wow, you're going to be famous someday." Thanks.. really, I appreciate it, but no. D: I guess these people haven't had much exposure to as many artists as I have. I've seen countless people so much more talented than me that I can't even think of the right way to describe the gap between us. And many of them are either much younger than I am, or busy college students who just draw as a hobby, yet manage to put out things way more often. I won't hesitate to admit, however, that I have my own self to blame. I don't practice enough. Let's.. just leave it at that before I go and write a self-critical essay. Really, it's something I should be glad to hear. The reality is.. them. Heh. If they represent the average person in my audience, well, all that really matters I guess is they think so. Ignorance (no matter how petty or good the intention) is just something I OCD on.

[59]While you run around like JFK I lost my iPod over Spring Break. D: Hopefully it's just in a bag somewhere.. The weather today was incredible. Things are starting to heat up around here again (very quickly at that), but for now the wind still balances it out. I just wish it would rain over the weekend. We haven't had any in a while. Arghhh I need to do art. Ironically, throughout this week, perhaps the most exhausting week I've had all year, I've been wanting to draw the most. But I'm completely drained of energy. I'm afraid I'll run out of motivation or ideas before I find some rest.

[58]but you never turn around Somehow I'm most vulnerable and distractable when I'm overloaded with work due within the next 18 hours or so. < insert whining about AP History here > Moving on. Where are you?

[57]When the words all sound the same So confusing. I've been contemplating words for a long, long time. Why are they powerful? Why are they so insufficient? I think of the silly or cliche things you would hear in a movie and think, "That's ridiculous. Those things couldn't even be taken seriously, let alone move someone." Yet during seemingly casual conversation the things you and others say can greatly affect the way you're understood and define your character. Ever been talking with someone and, though it was about nothing serious, felt as if whatever you said was going to significantly influence your connection with them? The air seems to get heavy.. you have to wonder if they're feeling the same thing, though you tell yourself it's paranoia. I don't understand the power of words. All I know is that I have to be careful, which is why I'm so quiet. But now I have to wonder: will that allow me to learn? As for the weakness of words.. any journal is proof enough of the things we are unable to say, but are capable of writing. Greater still, do you have any secrets? Not gossip.. things deep inside of you that nobody would understand (because chances are, neither do you). Things that you're not even sure you could share with a soulmate? I think that's how you'll know when you find one. They'll already know..

[56]You know.. dark blue I guess it's to be expected. After 14 hours of sleep and waking up at 6 in the evening, nobody would be tired at this hour. I was reminded of how much I admire writers today. And I tried, but I can't explain why. It doesn't do them enough justice.