I seem to be approaching some critical point in regards to my art "career". So I'm attempting to gather and solidify my thoughts.   Or something.  Basically, it will waste your time.  You have been warned. :P

I've become exponentially bipolar about whether I think I can go through with it.  After a career research project in one of my classes recently I found that Illustration is.. not a very lucrative choice.  If my sources are to be trusted, it's the most competitive and least profitable branch of study.  ...I'm a bit reluctant to believe that (for sure it's competitive though).  I'd like to have it confirmed by professional or instructor.

Animation was my other interest, but I was very put off by how much of it is busywork.. and how very much I dislike almost everything I've seen of 2D animation in the States.  Eh.. most old Disney movies were alright.  I'm.. just not even going to touch cartoons or adult swim.  The only good things I've ever seen on the latter were Japanese.  The American shows may be funny (Family Guy?), but can't even begin to compare in quality.  Granted, I haven't watched actual tv in 3 years, but I have little doubt that's changed.

3D is looking great though, between the game and movie industry.  It's also a pipedream at best.  I have a few years of 3D under my belt, but I don't know how I'd feel about a career in it.  Suffice to say there are thousands of people more passionate about it, and very few of those will probably get where they want.

According to my instructor over the summer, 2D animators are in fairly high demand, and 3D is pretty crowded (probably an understatement).

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  I'm still not confident about my drawing in the first place.  Most of my talent is just technical dexterity and a bit of cleverness.  That is to say, I'm probably best at still life and other things drawn from reference.  Actually, I may have that point backwards.  Almost everything uses reference.  More important would be the lack of original material I've put out.  I've never believed myself to be notably creative.  It's an extremely latent trait if it exists at all.

However, I can say with confidence that I learn very quickly.  I have.. potential, I guess.  Somewhat ironically, my doubts come from having studied so many other people's work.  Such an enormous gap, even at a similar age.  I can see the processes they used.  I just never put what I learn into practice.

The other obstacle is my temperment. (Is that even the right word?)  I'm an introvert, and very unsocial.  And apathetic to varying degrees.  ...I don't know.  In the time I've taken just writing this I've yet again flipped from feeling it's a hopeless situation to thinking I could manage fine enough.  Maybe because I've vented all of the problems with it.

...Yeah.  I need to look into illustration more.  I'm so much more interested in it.  I'll need major convincing for animation.

[81]just someone I used to know

I'm slowly coming to terms with reality, I think, however bitterly.

Having spent so much time on the internet and online gameplay, I've met more than my share of people taking advantage of its anonymity to be perfect idiots.  It's almost pathetic, but I wouldn't doubt that it has severely damaged my willingness to meet and trust others.

I'm gradually seeing the obvious truth that it's not a matter of black and white though.  Some people may be hopeless but it's not nearly as many as I first believed.  People can't always be mature and serious because it's lame and miserable (as I know from experience).  People might even be generally good.

Still

Reality is so disappointing.

I guess I really am a pessimist.

[80]And I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape

A severe week long case of the mondays.  I can't be bothered to care about anything.

I'm editing that story though, which is awesome.

I was originally planning on becoming an illustrator, but after reasearching the job found that it doesn't have many opportunities, making it very competitive, and the pay is very rarely sufficient to live on illustrating alone.  So I'll probably go into animation, which supposedly is rather in need of workers, is a growing industry, etc..

Apparently I unconciously make facial expressions which often don't even match my mood.  Because I don't have enough trouble as it is communicating.  So often things I say are misinterpreted or taken in the wrong context I can only conclude it's my fault.  *shrug*

It's a little discouraging, not really significant.

They reindexed the site when they changed the skin so I have to edit all the journal links I had bookmarked. -_-  Blah.