beauty sleeps within the eyelashes that sweep across thine cheek. back at the cliff, with you still sleeping. i am not your density nor your breath. for all i know, i barely exist without you running down those spiral staircases to catch up to my heat. you were always a typo away. not your fault though, you're just too big for someone without principle. seeing you dance with that serious look on thine face when i wanted the guts to see if you'd smile. but that was it and i've been here for years.

glad you finally got to meet charlie, lynnie. lock everything i wont talk about in a tower and let out only the golden. all the things i am saying are honest but not in a way that includes me. if youre allowed to, i'm allowed you. cri de mort, non merci. aren't i soo sophisticated? dont i sound soooo mature? i'm pretty much ahead of eeeeveryone. wrong. i really need to read myself the tyler durden speech again. you really need to shut up and not say things to me about me that are completely retarded. i'll still blind you and twirl my hair, but fuck, you're so stupid. "with blood and feathers on my dumb paws you aint nothin but a dead duck i aint nothin but a hound dog"

"bless your beautiful hide" it doesnt matter what i do or say, it matters what i think. it matters that my head is like haig and my heart's like currie. i keep losing to the beat and theres quite a lot to lose. "i lay in the grass and i lose your scent" i'm being really small right now, and you can step on me if you like. but i'll go through your heel straight to your blood stream. dont you dare doubt my pH rating. i burn in extremes. i just wont let myself say what i want to say, but you probably know it anyways.

i got muscles resurfacing because of all the crazy shit i'm doing now. its even crazier when you think about how letters are just symbols and how symbole means "jeter ensemble." letters can't mean anything unless we let them. i'm just tired, and the feeling of this week is sore so if you dont understand a word, just know that its probably because youre looking too hard and if you look too hard at something it melts into nothing. pretty much mental limbo, where everyone is going in one side of the world, and falling out the other. its just coz my eyes are creepy. i love them though. and i aint nothin but a dead duck anyway. goddammit. acoc-aloc is the best song ever in ever. i've been in love with it for a month now. i'm working really hard to talk myself into nothing. anyone who looks at me isnt anything special. same goes for anyone who doesnt, you know. and by that i mean, really really doesnt. and its working. i got chosen to be an arts critic, i pretty much go see plays that highschools in my city put on and i write reviews on them. if the newspaper chooses my article, its printed. i'm also auditionning for a band tomorrow. they needed a singer. i guess i'll see how that goes then. orange-wheel drive.

felt like a soldier home walking home today. took me about an hour, and it was pouring. i'm frozen and everything is even more than sore because i had just finished a field hockey game. i'm getting better at walking away coz i dont really care. everything is going wrong and i'l completely fine with it all. i refuse. i wish i could talk about how lousy people can be sometimes, but i kind of wanna talk about how right they can be too. the lousy kind of right, but i still dig it. i moved back into my head coz it has the feel of a busy coffee shop and i'm pretty broke right now, so i guess mental coffee is better than nothing. i'm honestly doing pretty damn well. i just gotta work on sleeping on time and all that crap. i'm in grade eleven chemistry next semester, i'm trying to get all my sciences to fuck off as fast as possible. i'm glad that goddamn reach-ahead course i did over the summer came to some good. i dont care what anyone says, i'm betting on the earthworm because he has morals.

it used to hurt to be kicked in the ribs and slammed against a wall but i'm just too fight club for the world now. i'm too sore to care about how youre not really sorry and you wont ever be. i wish this was a metaphor for my head or heart or something, but i'm all black and blue. oh not the sad blue; the calm blue which hurts when i touch it. arthur currie seems really awesome, he totally owned the first world war and apparently canada really helped out the allies. i cant really say though, since it might be because i'm reading a canadian history textbook and you know how people are and can be when they wont be opposed. i love studying for history but i absolutely hate science projects. even though i get to dress up as an angel tree and talk about deforestation. history is something that proves to you that things could be much worse. science is something that proves to you that things are going to be much worse.

its the beat when two cars come together. you have no goddamn idea and i'm so fucking cool right now. even my ego is bigger than you are, douchebag. i hate it when somebody gives me music that i end up really liking, 3OH!3

woke up about an hour ago feeling a bit like a veteran, of which war i cant say. theres a few old sayings about how your head can be a plane to anywhere you wanna go. but the places i want to see, i have never seen before. i'm no jumper but i have the tact. i'm not sure what i'm saying, really. theres not a point to anything but we're still stabbing away. i'm only covered in bruises.

scorpion vs. pride, but only one can defy logic and make sure you "never back down." this is me totally walking away, poisoned as hell. i'm always riding shotgun for the underdog, coz nobody else wanted to and you know how bad that can make somebody feel. i'm tired of being stuck in my "bad moment." i wanna be holden. well, i meant to say golden, but that works too. right now, i'm just dragging along and i'm losing like hell. i dont know anymore. growing up is possibly the worst punishment ever. try it sometime, it really fucking sucks. you go crazy and alienate the first person you ever really liked. you go crazy and wreck all your opportunities. you fucking fix everything and still feel the same. you start going crazy again. i want it to change. i wish they could invent angst-off, it's worse than those little black bugs that try to fly into your eyes. in the epic internal war of every human being between the head and the heart, who will win control of the mouth this time? it could either go vimy or somme.

you cant imagine how badly i need people to be there for me and how badly i wish they'd actually think about me once in a while and how much it hurts that you cant stand to see this stupid face of mine. i wanna be somebody else so i can talk to you again. it's so stupid to think about this after what you said but i'm so fucking stupid like that, yknow? i can talk to everyone but you. and even if all the planets crashed into each other, that stupid star of yours would still stay a million miles away from where i am. that's why i really understand why you want to keep it that way. i want to keep it that way too. so this is all about nothing but i'm caring so much. i dont like other fish and i dont like the sea and i dont like you. i just need a bit of sleep and reassurance and somebody to ask me how i am so i can tell them that i'm doing alright. this isnt in my stupid head. my grades are beyond great but i'm honestly so stupid, you can imagine it. but chill, i wont try anything stupid like making faces at you when you walk by me while looking at me through your peripheral view. i know better and i'd rather play red rover.