RosesAtSunset's Journal

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  • The Keener Disease

    by RosesAtSunset on April 13, 2009
    I'm completely in love with Sherlock Holmes now. I guess I owe that to my love for House. David Shore based the entire character on Holmes. I'm going crazy with ambition and the fear of inadequacy. It's consuming me and I'm worried that it's not strong enough. I don't know how good is good enough, because my best isn't the best. When you're getting by on just being smart enough, it's a shock to your system when you break that trend. It makes me anxious a lot, but I suppose in the long it'll show some results. In the meantime, I'll slave away with my colourful post-it notes and binder dividers. There is no cure.
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  • boxer and benjamin

    by RosesAtSunset on April 11, 2009
    animal farm is pretty much the saddest book ever. they sent boxer off to be turned into glue! he was the best out of them all! that stupid pig, napoleon. they went back on all their commandments. i hate the russian revolution, stupid communism. words don't come to me anymore because i don't know how to use them. it's hit and miss, mostly. and i'm scared of off-days and moving targets.
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  • IMMERSION IS A CULT

    by RosesAtSunset on January 21, 2009
    I'm going to school tomorrow even though I don't really have to since it's the last day of Semester 1 before exam week starts. I'm showing up because I'm really going to miss this semester. I loved History and Religion, and I have no French Immersion courses next semester. I had all my classes with friends and I barely have any classes with anyone next semester. I have Math and English with random teachers that I have never heard of in two weeks. I'm going to be taking Grade 11 Chemistry and I feel like such the keener. I am also worried that the cretin might be in that class. I hated Grade 10 Science this semester, it was boring. I really don't know why I'm "jumping ahead." I'm pretty stoked for Production class though, well, not really. I guess I'll see. I think I did okay on the second half of the History exam today. There was so much writing and I kept forgetting to double-space my answers. I know I did well on the first half, she showed us our marks. I had 94%. Three more exams next week. Religion at noon on Monday, French in the morning on Tuesday, and Science at noon on Wednesday. Science is the only one I'm really worried about. I'm a little less stressed out now. I don't really to review anything for French since, well, it's French. I just need to review a bit for Religion and then tomorrow I need to start doing the millions of review questions for Science. I'd put them off since I was too busy worrying about History all this time. I was so glad when the exam was over, I threw my book down the hallway while singing the song lepenis and i made up. it's really great. Gaaaytarded! Gaytarded! You just got gaytarded! Coz you studied! You studied! You studied and you Agnes McPHAIL'D!
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  • ...but don't YOU go anywhere

    by RosesAtSunset on January 02, 2009
    Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket http://progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm
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  • and nothing tastes sweeter

    by RosesAtSunset on December 20, 2008
    so maybe love is a hoax or whatever, something i can't understand. i've always feared that i was meant to be on the "evil side," you know, a tyrant. i have nightmares where i'm the next hitler, but then i remember that they're NIGHTMARES and not DREAMS so i'm not too terrible. i feel so much hate inside of me and it's broken through on many occasions. i want to be on the good side but i feel as if the devil on my shoulder crawled inside my head and infected everything. with the angel just sitting on the bridge of my nose praying and i can only do good deeds with my eyes crossed because it's so hard to see what is directly in front of you. it is what's inside of you is what counts. what if my insides are made of tar and spit? maybe i'm just another wolf in sheep's clothing. i want to be blessed and i want to save the world. but i feel like i have the wrong ideas for this kind of thing. it's so easy for my voice to go cold and my face to go blank or contort into one of the furies. and i get so disgusted when i get close to someone. the thing that keeps me from being a jackass is how horrible i feel when i hurt someone. it's like tar and spit paste on fire. i wish i could keep my distance from love, hoax or not, but it fills me with mineral water and honey.
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  • alive!

    by RosesAtSunset on December 10, 2008
    it's snowing! i shoveled two driveways today. tomorrow i am definitely not going to be able to attend school. seeing as the public bus drivers are going on strike and it's going to be snowing and freezing rain. i love canada to death sometimes. i am drinking milk. i am allowed to put off my homework! i am too happy for no reason, but when have there ever been a need for one? hell no, no! riesens maybe, but that's entirely a different story.
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  • you ain't nothin' but a dead duck, i ain't nothin' but a hound dog

    by RosesAtSunset on November 29, 2008
    i haven't had very much time to string two words together and get what they really mean. i mean, the music always breaks off mid-chorus but that's just to add an aesthetic touch. i'm still trying to understand but i'm always on the brink of something terribly magnificent. i can't bear to grow up anymore than i have to. i want the directions to neverland tattooed to my wrist because i swear i'm starting to get some form of adolescent alzheimer's. i'm pretty good at looking pathetic and uncomfortable and avoiding in a horrible kind of way. i wish i was a little worse at being obnoxious. oh man, whatever, really.
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  • "know hope"

    by RosesAtSunset on November 19, 2008

    i'm getting awful recurring nightmares so i am not sleeping very well. i read up on Josef Mengele and the Auschwitz concentration camp. he was a doctor. he experimented on jewish children. he injected chemicals into their eyes to try to change their colour. he injected poisons into their bodies. he was the one who discovered that when a human is scared enough, he sweats blood. imagine how fucking scared you have to be to sweat blood. he liked to experiment on twins especially. he actually sewed a pair of twins together. their veins and arteries and everything. to find out how a body would cope with two brains and two hearts. their parents strangled them to put them out of their misery. he was a world war II criminal. he was never caught. he died from a stroke while swimming on a beach in paraguay. then i learned about the "american holocaust" which was the spaniards torturing the indigenous people. it's equally as horrific.

    everything seems so small and insignificant after what they went through. and they didnt deserve it. not one bit. all the so-called "tyrants" of my life are pathetic. my heart used to be big enough to fit people in the present. the past is so much more compact and flexible. and i'm scared of the future. i worry that it will be the same as the past. 

    just coz it fits in my heart that doesnt mean that it's even a longshot of love.

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  • best thing ever

    by RosesAtSunset on November 11, 2008

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar_k8JjVWQA

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  • sorry about the phone call and needing you

    by RosesAtSunset on November 03, 2008

    youre everywhere and i am nowhere and i just cant compete with that. i'm keeping busy and i'm doing pretty well. but its not working. there are somethings you just can't fake. i dont know what to do. i'm really good at giving advice but even i cant think of a solution for this. truth is, there is a solution but my heart cant take it. i would cry and stay still for hours. and i haven't crawled home from worse than that. i'm sorry for being so small, but i'm only in highschool. you can't blame me for lack of power. you can look down on me all you want.

    just dont expect me to look up to you.

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