i dont like bandwagons. i dont like whiners. i dont like it when people to talk to me. i dont like it when people not-talk to me. i love it when i see him. i hate it when i see him. leave me alone, but "do me a solid." juno was an okay movie, why is everyone so obsessed? i saw it the first week it came out. ellen page isnt that great of an actress, she pretty much played herself. i'm so irritated. all these people are starting to like chuckie p, but only because it makes them seem all cool and brooding. fuck you, okay? dont ruin him for me by quoting the most obvious things over and fucking over. i hate you. stop. my favourite is the oral biography of buster casey. i called myself echo lawrence for weeks. and before that i was married to tyler durden. invisible monsters was good but it was really fucking weird. pretty much everyone but the main character ends up being a tranny. i liked diary too, it was scary in that quiet kind of way. lullaby was okay, i might need to read it again to like it. choke was pretty sick, but kind of reallly messed up. survivor made me smile. i liked the part about the girl dancing with her brother in a half-sunken ship. i'm just sad now. i need to find some new stuff to read because i hatehatehate it when i'm around people who read the same books as me. thats where i make my personality and i'm not "dying to be found." my writing style, my dirty sense of humour, my nicknames are mostly from him. screw you. i gave him the name chuckie p. i went a week without sleeping because everything was the same. when i got over it, i was a fucking maniac. it was a fucked up time but my copy of fight club kept me company. and i still hate you. oh well, i'm done bitching and i've been meaning to read some jack kerouac anyways. you, you can go ahead and be the same as everyone else. but i cant do it and i'm jealous as hell. you have it so fucking easy. they tell you what to wear, what to listen to, what to read, what to watch, what to eat. you have to make absolutely no effort. by the way, insomnia's in. stay up nights and claw at your bedroom walls. but fuck, dont call me. i'm trying to get past that. i just wanna be a clone now. i'm tired of being "quirky" and "different" and "out there." cause you're "in here" and i just wanna sit next to you for a while. you're so fucking warm and you kind of smell like roses. its stupid i know but "follow your heart" is the cheesiest thing i've ever heard, and i've never had the balls. i'm not making any sense. go away.

i looove ahh, men by say anything. jacklynn has amazing taste in music. here, here is the link to my new hotspot to spit out my douchebaggery. http://anotherweek-ash.livejournal.com/ add me, cocksuckers.

i'm in english class mofooos. asdjakl. take me home, i'll buy you cigarettes and coffee. and sing songs by say anything for you in the voice i tried my hardest to wreck. fucker

my hero says he gets bright ideas in dark rooms. but i'm the exact opposite. i had things to say but now i'm too sleepy to say them. and i'll keep on loving if you keep on living.

i dont really have anything to say but i feel as if i should. i'm too busy living to write about it, i guess. unimportant news is as follows; i'm over logan, fucking finally. one of my best guy friends likes me and i'm not sure. i don't wanna think about it. just finished reading diary by chuckie p. it was good, but my favourite is still The Oral Biography of Buster Casey, well that and Fight Club. i love you too. i have facebook again, its shitty and kind of addictive. i'm obsessed with Say Anything. i can't stop listening to Resounding by them. it's awesome to see that jacklyn likes them too, All Choked Up is a such a pretty song. i dont have anything wonderful to say. i'm in between wanting to smoke and wanting to quit, i'm not sure which way i want to swing at this time. the fact that i still i have the choice is comforting. my favourite band is still Fall Out Boy. but i havent had the motivation to go out and buy their CD of micheal jackson covers. whatever. i saw The Hottie and The Nottie and i actually kind of like it. it was cute. it got shitty reviews because of Paris Hilton though, which is totally not fair. she wasnt as bad as people make her out to be, well okay, she was close. but the movie was better than some of the other bullshit thats being released. i'm "boring" but you're even more so. its not my fault you cant capture my attention anymore, hell you're not even trying. youre just coasting by on the fact that i "said" i'd always love you. but didn't i tell you to "never, ever take me seriously"? you just keep falling for my "nervous charm" and my bloodshot "eyes", dont you? you should know better than to trust somebody so "terrible", but you dont and thats why i'm always laughing. youre not witty "enough" to make me laugh for real. i'll get over me if you'll get over me first.

Give me my Romeo; and when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with the night cigarette ashes flicked off like all the burning dreams we used to have. damn kid, you really got potential. thank ye, sir, but that never got anybody anywhere. or better yet, how far did it ever get you? the same sad chords being played over and over till every month you whistle them at the moon till she cries and you remember. imperfect music is the only kind that can make me hurt hard enough. some preshredded pop song cant do shit, but you love it the better because of it. some people they make you feel like shit, but you love them the better because of it. 'full moons pills got me out on the streets tonight.' and i swear by it. come out and howl with me while i try to remember. steal a drag and teach me how to smoke in circles through my head. lovemelovemeloveme, i'll be anything you want me to be, if only you'd lovelovelovemememe. how cool are we? spitting between drags, trying to set parks on fire. squeezed into one tire swing, me watching your lips move. youre nothing but a joke that never fails to make me laugh. i never, ever take you seriously after the moon disappears, but you never, ever listen well enough to know that. youre just the friend that everyone talks shit about just cause you talk shit too. i love you, but you're just the male version of rosaline. and the sky, it's just a close-up of your eyes. it's not even love, but my heart, it warms everytime i say it. and ever since that night, i've been trying to make things less cold. won't you love me? i would if i were thy bird.

did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight. for i never saw true beauty till this night. funny how today i hung out with the people i put down with helena. i know most people don't see it, but i loved her in that almost desperate kind of way. bestfriends was just the euphemism of a curse she put on me. to a boy: my mouth is a cigarette burn, but atleast i'm not the one burnt out on some sidewalk downtown. oh god, how you meant the world to me. it's never your number gracing my cell, but i don't get why i always hope it is. you never told me what you tasted of, but sometimes after a few shots of vodka, i think i sort of get it. you know, i'd take "love" over you anyday, but i've never had the choice, have i?

romeo and juliet is the only thing i love right now. everyone else is just collateral damage. renouncing all the people i cared about because i'm just not feeling the beat anymore, and friendship is all about keeping time(no matter what they say.) even i don't give a shit anymore. 'life is more than alright when you let yourself know it. theres not a hole in your head or your heart if you dont want there to be.' pete wentz. i'm scaring off friends with the flash of my teeth. if you cant love me like this, you never can, and i swear to god, i'll make sure you never will. logan is rosaline, but my situation is so much more awkward and lame. i'm going to be alone for a while, everyone just seems to makes me sad in that teen angst kind of way. and really, who needs that? well, i guess i did need a break from being lonely. but back to work, right? things always get better and they always get worse and they're always alright. life is just a movie, and as long as i have fingers i'm keeping them crossed in hopes that i'm in a romantic comedy. but i'm probably just in a creepy indie film that everyone pretends to love, even though they don't get the plot at all. it's okay, you know, as long as their airbrushed faces stay aglow. ay me, sad hours seem long.

he's busy during lunch on thursday. detention, hah. i asked about friday, he said, "k we'll see." i'm making this a lot more awkward than it needs to be, but why change who you are? oh, right. all signs are pointing to vs. let's just get this over with. either way, i'm gonna get hurt. i'm liking these odds. i mean, aren't you? when you're guaranteed a loss, you can do anything without worrying about screwing it up. fuck winners, fuck heroes. at this moment i am mrs. tyler durden. i'm not even the biggest loser in these parts, i'm just barely beyond mediocre is all. and i'm pretty fucking pissed off about it. nobody fucks with fight club. trying to calm down my terrified heart. i'm all teeth and make-up, no substance whatsoever. why don't you love me?