man, something was very interesting on friday, one of my teachers called me over and my other half(swan) and welli found that very interesting, it is sorta true,and well it felt good to have that reference be used because i want to be half of the beautiful whole that we make, i love her, and i will stand beside her proudly anywhere, crazy stuff, gabe mentioned to me today that swan had gone over some stuff i guess about us to him and her told me from what she said "it looks like you guys will really last" and well i felt really good inside at that moment, becuase that is how i feel, we want to spend forever with each other, and we are willing to do a lot to keep that, and for me she has already done all she needs to keep me around, shown me a massive amount of love, give me her trust, and stays open with me, and she has allowed me to hand her my trust and has treated it like gold and she has really listened to me, and she has allowed me to be me and made me feel good about myself, and all that means so much to me, she is a true keeper, no is as good to me as she is, i love to be around her all the time, no matter what, lol, there are times were she is on somethingor something like that and she is acting all funny like, and she tries to apologize for it, but really she is really good about it because they are usually really kick back times where that isnt going to effect me and is actually entertaining, lol, so there really is no need to say sorry, although i like the concern, but whenever it is just me and her or something like that she makes sure to be sober so she can give me all of her attention and that means a lot, i dont have a problem with her having a good time, and she is responsable enough to know when to and when not to, and it means a lot that sshe makes an effort to be sober when it is just me and her, she makes so many sacrafices for me, and i really am thankful for it, she deals with a lot at home and in her head, and i am also amazed that i take her away from it all, and well i hope to heal all that i can of her, and well i am just so happy to be with her, because at the end of the day i feel good, swan if your reading this, iwnt to say you make me feel better then anyone else and the efect you have on me is amazing baby simply amazing

cery crazy to think about, and is comming at me really fast i have my last summer comming up, man that is crazy, i hope i can see my baby plenty durring it, i know i will have a bunch of vacation stuff to deal with too, i just want it to be really cool because it will be my last real summer then there is my last year of high school, that should not be too bad, probably rather easy year, i will miss haveing a class with swan, unless some freak thing came up and we had tutorial together, highly doubt it though, but that should not be too bad then after school, before i really do anything drastic i want to wait for swan, she has another year, it actually shouldnt be to bad, i will try out some jobs, try to get money going, maby move into an apartment that year not sure yet, i will be an official adult, which is hella crazy to think about, i should be driving too, so there is a lot there, paying my own bills, lol, man, kinda freaks me out already the level of responsablilty i will then have then idk probably the next year swan will graduate, i really want to live with her, so either same aparment i get when i move out if i had moved out yet, but yeah, idk how long that will be though, because past my first year out of high school i cant really see what my future will be, swan wants to join the peace core, which is a two year commitment, which is really cool she wants to do, i am undecided if i will go with her, i guess when the time comes i will see where my life is at that moment, i think it would be cool to join. but that is a long time to commit, it is also a long time to not see swan, which right now, that looks harder to deal with, and my mind is leaning on joining, i dont think there is any problem with couples joining, and going to the same place, but yeah, i mean there are other things i could do, but nothing realy worth wile looking right now, and in all honesty i would much rather be there with her, then 2 years with out her, so i am undecided, but i think my heart might come in on the win in this one then there is after that, wether i go or not, once those two years are up, there is persuing a music career and hopefully spend the rest of my life with swan, or at least those are my dreams right now, i will be happest person ever if i got that, man, it for some reason, feels so close, it almost freaks me out, acutally, at times it does, but there are a lot of things i look forward to in the future so it is not so bad

man, i have been with my baby for 7 months, crazy stuff,, but yeah, she has totally but my life in a different place, and a better i believe, lol, man, i cant stop thinking about her, ever, lol, but i love it, every moment, and especially on tuesday, she came over my house, and well we got to have a little fun, lol, unfortuanately we couldnt have as much fun as we wanted, but it was still good, and we didnt want to stop, man the feelings i had at that moment were unexplainable, and unforgetable. i am really started to believe this girl really is it for me, and i couldnt ask for a better partner, man, i am so in love with her, it is unbelieveable, and well idk if she even realizes how much she can do to me and how jsut turned on i am, and how great she really is, no one is perfect, but out of us flawed people, i want her more then anyone else

damn, saterday night, swan called me, and we talked from like 830-till like 230, 6 hours on the phone, lol, but it was an amazing conversation, so many emotions felt, i felt fully open to her, like no block at all, just waht was on my mind spilt, out, lol, i was drove to a natural high, lol, and man, just so amazing, and the most important thing i think we talked about was the future, how true our view of still being together is, and she asked if i wanted to live with her after high school, and of course i said yes, i hella want to, i think that will be amazing, cant wait, lol another thing to add to that list of things i cant wait for with her, she just does so much for me, makes me feel so good, so special, and i mean it seems almost unreal for this actually to be happening, to love some this much and to have that amount of love gived back to you, it is simply amazing, and my beautiful girl, how i would love to wake up next to her every day, man, swan all the time, music to work on, and adulthood all in the future i have a lot to look forward to

man i got a lot of song ideas right now, i cant wait to finally get a chance to take those ideas on

damn girl your quite the looker lol, like your body, your face , your eyes your touch, you drive me crazy baby, lol like i could just look at you for a long time, and your voice can sooth me so much and confort me and you are real and natural to top that off and your bodys shape is like as close to perfect as you can get, in my opinion, and even the little things about the yoru body and face i feel fit you right, i know you dont think your much, but i think your insanely beautiful, like you could turn me on so easy, adn man at times it is hard to hold back from you, and you feel so good to the touch, like when i feel your hands on my body, and better yet when they touch my flesh, man i just get such a good feeling, like you set me on fire, and feeling you, man that takes it to another level, wait till we take it to the next level, that will really be something amazing, well to say i really wonder what that will be like, when our hands go where they havnt gone yet and we have that time to make love, i really look forward to it, lol, but yeah, man i am gettign really into this, lol, i jsut meant to write something short and sweet but it grew, lol, but it is true, lol, i know i am crazy but what can i say, i love htis girl here and i cant help that the way she looks gets me carried away at times, lol

ME , now i am a guitar player and music lover, i am also in love with a simply amazing and beautiful girl, and i am not shy to say she is the one for me, i work hard to learn what i want to, and alough school grades are not as good, i still try and try to learn more then just do good ike before, i am strong athletic person but have no desire for sports at all, they arent as fun, but i still like to improve my body, adn well i am a person trying to be as honest to myself as i can, adn i hold no symbols to my life, no full religion, no symboles, just me, i dont want a lable, although i am very confused on what i actually believe, i am looking into that more, sorta how i always do, observation and listening, and well that is a sum up of me now, very interesting, i just live it day by day, well that is a sum up of my changes, swan, i like to talk about it with you, and maby go deeper if i can, i want to share with you, and maby sharing will help me grown more, to let it sorta out,

People have made a big impact one me, my friend robert, he is really cool because he is the most himself out of anyone i have met, he is so true to who he really is, and doesnt try to lie about it or fit in , he dont give a damn what you think of him, and i hella admire that abut him an old friend lucio, he was cool, probably my best friend before robert, idk, he was so rebelious and cool at teh same time, i got along with him very well, i hant talked to that guy since 9th grade, i wonder what ever happend to him, he is still alive but i would like to just run into him one time, cause i miss that dude my friend eryka, she was someone to talk to when ever i had needed to, she was cool, very out there, very, but he was another person true to herself and did not give a damn what you think about her, but i will always hold respec to her, brandi, she has sorta been in my life a long time,and well getting to know her, idk, she was always cool cause she would listen, and tell her story as well, not afraid to speak her mind, she was cool, a huge bitch, she will even admit that, but she was true to herself and well i have helped her a lot and she had helped me a lot, adn she will always be honest with her, i really respect that, and she has been through a lot in her life and pulled through, so myrespect goes out to her theres derrick, well he has effect me a lot, unfortunately stuff happend between us, both of our faults, and it sorta died, liek not what it was before, but i still really care for him, i honestly would still do anything to help him if he was in trouble, and well now we get to the person who has effected me more then anyone else, swan, i to start admire so much about her, she questions everything and doesnt settle, she is true to herself, if you dont like it , fuck off, sorta attitude, she is very artistic and talented in all forms, plus she is as huge of a music fanatic as i am and she can sing, and i honestly get chills when she does, she does what she feels she needs too, and she always put other people above her, and she cares so much for others , like a form of love that is more true then most, and her love is just so honest and pure, i am glad to have her love, it feels really good, she has impacted me and the way i htink so much, adn she drives me in many ways, and i feel so good just to have her by my side, i would do anything for her i could,and to top all that off she is so beautiful, bu tnot just your average beauty, she is unique, on e of a kind look to her, and i just think she is so beautiful, i could look at her all day really, her eyes are very powerful and well a joy to get lost in, she has released emothins out of me no one else has, and it is just unbelievable how she makes me feel, and yet we have so much more to experiance on top of all we already have, amazing

i am writing a three part thing on here about me, and me getting to myself now, swan if your reading this, i want to discuss this all with you, but i will skim through for now a lot has happend to me over my high school career, i have changed a lot, grown a lot, and i just wnat to go over a bit i started high school, a really good athlete, a good student, a christian, and well quiet adn sorta normal to those who did not know me really well, but due to my changes, me expressing my internal thoughts and discovering what i like and dont like, well i gained a interest ing music, huge one, and that music helped me grow to new thoughts, i became far more interested in counter culture, art, dropping my dreams of cars and designing them and turned that in wanting to play guitar , but more then that, more like contributhing guitar to a musical project or band, something that meant someing more, and well that started it, and that took me out of sports, oh well, i hate most coaches anyway, like school sport ones, i disagree with most, , adn well shcool seemed to matter to me much less when i started learning more from observing people and listening to there stories then what my power hungry biased teachers tryied to teach, some were not like that, but most are, i dont know why so many people trusted me, but people trust me with there life story, and i try to help them all the time with there internal and external struggles, there are friends now i try to help, i care for most people really and i want to help, i enjoy to help them, i also accept most people, cause we are all equal and we all fuck up, i just am not a fan of really prideful people, but they dont even bug me that much, idk, i think everyone deserves a chance, no matter what, we are all equal, and my image started to change, i seem to have turned to what i idolize. the long hair , dark clothed counter culture, and music people and stuff like that, i sorta changed to what i always wanted to look like, i really acutally dont even dress 100% like i want to now, but i am satified, well and changing schools did a lot of me too, cause i learned wht it was to miss something really bad, so bad it hurt for a long time, my old life was good, but i kiss it away easy now, i did though get the chance to start over and become new, and well i guess that is also what caused so much change, and dude to the people i started hanging out with i grew interests in art, mroe then before, and learned a lot, people put a huge effect on my life, i like to talk a little about it in my next part, mostly about one person,but want to end this one with how religion changed, sorta came with the counter culture interest, and how much what i believed started getting questioned, and then i said fuck it i am not going to lie to myself, i dont believe it enough anymore to hold the status, and opened me to new ideas

well this week has been cool for me man, i feel so good to be like swans escape, her peace, really do, i mean it makes me feel amazing, to be making her happy also i was thinking yesterday and i believe that out of everything i coudl do, if she was around, it would be taht much better, likeno matter what it is, even if it would be harder to do with her, it would stil be better, she is just great, and my favorite person to be around, i mean really amazing stuff, really i love everymoment i get with her, it is interesting, wednesday in my spanish class, serina asked me where i would live after high school, and she then quickly said oh yeah probably san fransico or something like that because thats where swan wants to move so will be with her, and well just a lot of thinking came from that, good thinking,lol, i really see no problem in spending all my time with her and around me all day, no problem at all, it would be actually fucking hella cool, just crazy, i love that girl