man i miss my baby righ now, i really want to talk to her, to help her, today i talked to her about her just stuff on her mind, adn when we were going over her dad i talked to her about her making sure she just doesnt drown herself her to grow numb, but i didnt get to finish all i wanted to say on it and i hope i left it ok, because i want to make sure she knows that she has the ability to survive all that is going on, in her life, and overcome, and although she stumbles from time to time everyone does, and she just need to know how to get up and on her feet and move on, man i wish my baby so much strength, adn if i ever have to help her i am here, by choice, to hold her up and help her over come, man, i really want to talk to her right now, just tto tell her she can do it, she has the strength in her i know it,and i think when she can finally grow from this the lifestyle, she will come out with so much wisdom and be a stronger person, and grow even more mature, adn just a stand out in the young people community, and i want to be by her side, and help her, so when the time comes i will be the one standing next to this real woman, man, i just hope i can talk to her sometime this weekend, but if i dont i will see her on monday, oh i cant wait

man, this is odd, it seems school is almost over, but iam not excited because i got to get my damn grades up, lol, man it bugs me, i could end up just fine, but what if points just dont add up, idk, but i hope i can get them up, then all this worry and rushing will at least have a reward and my sister, God i dont think she has gotten any better, she is still lying, like we let her go on the computer now again for an hour and we could go on and find out she deleted her history, all we tell her is no myspace, and yet i guess she still wants to sneak it on to that, and she probably once again lied about where she went, man, adn aperantly she told the counselor that my mom doesnt try to spend time with her, when she does just my sister would rather just go with her friends, which is not too bad, a lot of kids would say the same, but she doesnt have to lie and then put the blame on my mom who does try, man, she needs help but all in all, come june 7th school ends, pressure is over, and i will forget my sisters crap for that day, because i will get to hang out with my friends, swan, and go to a concert, all in one day, plus then the summer opens up with swan getting off grounding at least enough so we can hang out a bit and get some music time too, a lot so we can finally get started, so this summer should kick ass, i hope to try to spend all the chances i get to hang out with her, so it should all be good, damn i cant wait

you know i was going over how my image has changed as i have gotten to know her, and some is her changing, but just as i have dug deeper into knowing her, like when i first met her, she was a really cool chick, then i got to see her music side when she moved, then she came back and i got with her, and as our relation ship moved on, i grew to love her, and to a level of love like no other, she has impact my life so much, and has given me so much good. i see her in such a deep level, i see her under all the extirior,and i love it, i love her as the person she is, and all this getting deeper has really helped our relationship, i try to let her see as much of me as she can, because i know it is what she wants, and any oprotunity i can to let her know more i try to let her, i like that anyway, for her to really know me too, but man, our relationship is so far, like i cant wait till we can spend more time together because that is how we are going to grow even more, and we havnt even fully exprienced(nice way to put it, lol) ourselves yet, so suprisingly our relationship has a lot more steps to go, and i look forward to those, and not just the sex, because trust me, that will be awsome, but i look forward even more to the after effects, the closer feeling, the come down section where we lay together , sleeping with her and waking up with her, and just spending more time with her in person, because i lover her so much and she is my best friend and i just love being with her, i never get sick of her

socrates!, lol, man so many good ideas from both me and her, i think our styles will be a good combination to make great music. man i cant wait to start working with her, i believe i will also learn a lot and grow from it. lol, she says she is going to play in the back, sorry babe, but you going to be right next to me, your not leaving the stage alone for me,lol, but yeah, our ideas are going to make this one interesting band, and just us alone will be great, i wonder when we get drums how will at add to our creativity, hmm, any way, man i cant wait to play with her

damn, man yesterday my baby wore this corset, damn she looked good, like when she took off her over shirt to show it all i was like speachless, if we wouldnt have been at school i would have taken it off of her then, she is so sexy, her face with those big blue eyes and beautiful face, then her body is a knock out, her boobs are big, and very nice, lol, her waist is thin adn er ass, although she complains about it, i think is a perfect size, and her legs too, when i see her at a distance she still takes all my attention away and leaves me hypnotized, and when she is up against me man i still can find it hard to talk at times, man, she is just set up as close to perfect as a natual person can get in my opinion, damn she is beautiful

live for today, not another day, that is very good advise, to be happy for today and enjoy each day all you can because you are not garenteed another, it is hard when i go days like these without swan, like man, i make sure to give her all the love today i can, try to make her feel as good as she can that day, because tomarrow may never come, and when i go days without her i feel a big part missing and i hope that the next day will come for me to see her, but i also got to learn to take every day without her well too, as hard as it is, because i cant garentee tomarrow, man, i miss her a lot right now, lol, i dont know why, but i do, and well i cant wait for tomarrow, but i should still be happy about today, but if i am given tomarrow, i hope to talk to her and love her all i can, man, idk, crazy stuff, but anyway, live with a good attitude about today, because you dont want to go out on a sour note

man, my sister is...idk.. she has been so out of hand, but there is some light being shown now, it seems she only really gets like she does when she has been around her friends, but days that she is at home and not talking to them, we get little shots of he old self, and that is good to see, but what happends when the week starts up again, man, she has gotten herself in to a mess early in life, i hope that gives her time to recover and not just get worse

man, i miss my baby, as i always do on the weekends, lol i only got to see swan 3 days last week, i helled missed her, but at least tomarrow i will get to see her again, at school, the reason i look forward to it. she has been going through so much lately, life keeps knocking her down, and i am tried of it, i really wish i could just take from that world she is in, even if it is only for a day, for me and her, to do all we have wanted to do, all we have wanted to say, connect and fuel her with more strength to survive her life, she deals with so much, i cant even imagin how it would be, and i just want to take her away from it and heal her, i want her here now, by my side, up against me, in pure love, and we can heal each other, man, well she is most likely going to be off her stupid semester long grounding, and then we can work on music, and maby gain some alone time, we need it, lol, but yeah, damn i wish i could see her right now, oh well, at least i will get to see her tomarrow morning

i got my computer back, so now i can leave new entries, woo hoo

to add to all this, i have to say, i really look forward to spending my life with my baby