i worte this long ass entry and it didnt put it...so therefore....im not going to write it again right now...maybe later fuck im lazy lol

yup im so tired... its funny...my dad is acting really weird lately...IDK how to explain it...nor do i wat to even try...its just...odd ...eh Man, Oz really puts things in a different light for me...i like it...cuz he thinks differently then i do and i really like his perspective cuz its one i normally wouldnt see on my own. i cant fuckin wait for summer! ill get off grounding and me and Oz can finally get some shit done. its going to be awesome fuck, i hope everything works out for my baby...he has alot to stress about lately and i jsut hope it will get better soon. hmmmmm...im going to try to catch some z's dododododdooooooo

man...this music thing is going to be really awesoem when we get to go far with it...like...his ideas and my ideas are going to make alot of kool and different stuff...i cant wait i seriously think hes the best person for me to do music with. although we have different i deas and thoughts on certain things...it still fits and hes not afraid to go "out side of the box" with it all...which, above all is really important to me lol oh- and Oz...ill play next to you if you want me too...its a privelege to work with such an awesome musician...i just want you to be able to show the world that...IDK...i just think that would work better if i was in the back...thats kinda hard to do when im the singer to though... hmmm also...i really like what you said about being happy for today and such...thats a really good way to look at things... well...i better get off here so i can write my baby a letter...

hmmm... i love my baby so much...i read his journal entries and i was like...all blushing and shit. lol its funny...it can be a day like today where...IDK...i just dont feel very confident about the way i look(actually thats most days) and he'll say the things he says and im like..."whaaaaat?" lol ...IDK...but it feels good to know that he finds me attractive...IDK how to explain that... plus...hes so fuckin gorgeous...damn...that long thick curly hair...those fiery eyes...and that body...HOLY SHIT....just touching it is like...so hott ...damn being up against him...feeling him...i cant even speak or think right...my voice comes out all shakey and quiet....(i feel so stoopid but i cant help it lol) and hearing his voice...IDK theres just something about it...i love listening to him talk...his voice is deep and surrealistic...hypnotizing... *daydreaming*

i dont like this feeling

this is a story about a boy named Billy Billy is DEAD i like him better that way he doesnt talk so much. eh...pay no attention to me...i think ym brain is exploding

excuse me miss...ill take alittle more insanity in my cup if youve got the time... all of these lines i write end up being lies...the ones about moving on, moving up, and moving out im out of control with my mind now...simply out of control you cant see it....i hide it very well well....at least i think i do i think of her constantly...shes a stain on my brain one you cant remove without alot of pain i try anyways...but it never works shes so goddamn important to me.... .....it really makes me sick the way she pops in and out of my life...like im some fun little toy one to poke and beat when it'll put you on top i just dont understand. but i guess thats the point *sigh*

Fuckin Fuck! I miss my baby. that is all i have to say about that...

i got this stuff called "Calea Zacatechichi" its a shamans dream aid....im supposed to make it into tea or smoke it...ive never had it before...but im trying to cut off from all chemical things (like LSD) and stick to the naturals (peyote, weed, mushrooms, etc.) so yeah...i guess we'll see!

yeah...my baby...hes great...just knowing i have him beside me feels so good...i feel so secure...hes the one thing in my life that i know wont change...hell be there for me whenever and ill be there for him too its crazy to think about how much a life can change just with one person. ive had alot of thinking going on lately...fuck man...my mom is driving me crazy...its like...i miss her so much...but i know we'll never have an honest relationship...my brother wants to see her...and its like...i want him to but i dont want him to get hurt...what if she hurts hm again? what if something really bad happens... my brothers self esteem was REALLY low...and its getting alot better...but what if she shakes it?? im sooo worried for him. fuck then theres my dad...which the phsical problems arent such a big deal....actually...i could care less right now...but i just want him to wake up for his own good...i want him to be okay...i have 2years left...then who is going to take care of him???? hmmm