yeah pretty sure alex was just a way to get out sexual frustration he's an idiot. devoid of spirit, how did i let him become my friend? and wanting him closer? but why he's not the type of person that wants to talk to mee he should be let go the only fear now is sexual frustration onto reedies but at least i love them they want to learn, they're smart, brilliant, oh how they're wonderful! my friends will too disappear that's weird i want someone god fucking dammit. and i know that i picked jackson because of his looks. though we had excellent conversation.

and as i look back on this will it be a continuous cycle i dont doubt much the mtbi but those fucking infps. mike, i liked a lot, and grew to hate because of severe flaws. jessica, my best friend until i hated her because of greater faults. alex, again is descending until i just hate him, because of his downfalls. why can't i accept these? they're different downfalls. i hated mike for his stupidity and selfishness. regressed memory, yet arrogance at his percieved ability. and let's not forget his emotions. ugh! i hate jessica for her arrogance and her selfishness, her unwillingness to see any of her faults. let's face it, she believed herself to be perfect. i am growing anger at alex, for his laziness and selfishness. he doesn't understand to the extent that i care about academic things. i care more about math team than many other things. mike and alex, i so feared that i was just a ride. i am more fragile than i want to be. i'm scared that i am nothing. i'm scared about my life having no meaning.

there is the possibility of friends becoming for the sole reason that i m horny and there is the miniscule chance of me fucking him soooo fucking horny and does this create sense of lonliness?? i have eros and it cannot be unleased there is no one for it to be with and thihus a sense of isolation from the world AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

andrew is so cute i'm also retarded i do like alex, friends, yes, no relationship, no, not that, something, someone there, some possibility, some meaning that gives impressions, something, no, yes, i miss him, talking, sharing stupid things. but they were meaningless can be replaced this will end soon anyway but do i want it to end this soon.

goodbye jessica, piece of shit person, care not for the needy for yourself only.

jessica you fucking loser. you do not know the plea of the working class. you pretend to be a socialist. you love the capitalist system just like everyone else why don't you just admit it. you love spending money- you know you do. you care about yourself, your desires. i have not heard a single thing in your dreamed future about helping people. only things to please yourself it's fucking sad. i can see through you. you are not selfless. i dont want you to come anywhere near reed because i will not want to talk to you. i want my life rid of rhs and that includes you. you are fake and a fraud. japan france england omg let's go it's fucking sick. i hate this version of you. i hate how you claim to care about people. i hate it so fucking much.

i still dont know why i feel like shit and i wanna cry whyy

well maybe i do only want a fuck my feelings dont go that deep anyways

well now i'm scared that i made him mad but i'm equally scared i'm nothing. a grade? ugh. stupidity. z0mgz he said he'd carry me! wheee

crap! i'm so scared i'm just a ride and money fucking people that i'm just no good for most just nothing important