Black Me Out

Spin Magazine asked Laura about the meaning of this song. This is what she had to say:

It's an angry song, and it's about feeling like you have certain relationships in your life where you have to fake the person that you are and be inauthentic and compromise yourself to people you work with or people you see out at a bar who corner you — who make you the kind of person that you aren't, really — and feeling like you're so angry that you just want to be like blacked out from someone's existence, like, "Fucking forget about me, don't think about me anymore, I do not exist to you anymore." That kind of feeling.

This song (specifically, its sequencing on the record) initially threw me a bit, seeing as how TDB is meant to be a concept album about a transsexual prostitute, but the previous track—Paralytic States—seem to imply that she kills herself, succumbing to the dysphoria.

So, where does that leave Black Me Out? It's probably still part of that story, given references to her pimp (plus the jewelry he's wearing seems to fit that bill), and balking at the notion of being his "fucking whore" any longer. I can possibly see this being about the same suicide of the track before, but from the perspective of the prostitute, taking the power back by taking her life. But parts of that don't sit well with me. This is a song about bold defiance—"piss on the walls of your house", "chop those rings off your fat fucking fingers"—not dying in a hotel bathtub.

My personal interpretation is that the narrative matters. Some songs address the transsexual character in the third person—the title track, True Trans Soul Rebel, Paralytic States—but some are first person, from the perspective of someone who is definitely trans. FUCKMYLIFE666, and this song. And I think these songs aren't just in first person for the hell of it. I think our narrator is a different character who's also trans, and bonds with the prostitute.

Given the fact that Laura credits finding the courage to come out to a trans fan she met at a concert, I think that's the story she's telling. "I wish I could have spent the whole day alone with you," she says on the opener. After living with the dysphoria her whole life, the narrator confides in it with this "True Trans Soul Rebel" (which is what I will be referring to the prostitute character from here on because it feels really dehumanizing to call her "the prostitute"), and they become close. But the narrator isn't optimistic about her life going forward, even though she probably isn't as desperate as Rebel. ("Even if your love was unconditional, it still wouldn't be enough to save me.") After burying a "Dead Friend" (POSSIBLY Rebel's lover), the narrator seems resigned to the fact she and Rebel aren't long for this world, ("Two Coffins").

But then Rebel actually kills herself in Paralytic States, and it hits the narrator in an unexpected way. She's not going to let herself get pushed around like Rebel did. She's going to find the source of the oppression in her life (for Rebel, it was probably her pimp, hence the last two lines of the second verse), and piss on their walls, chop off their rings, and just refuse to play by their rules or let herself be judged by their standards.

That's just my theory, though.

I think this song is about how it feels being on a major label. You're a whore to the record company. Against Me! left the label and they're releasing their next record on an own label. "I don't ever want to talk that way again, I don't want to know people like that anymore."

Their label basically ruined "White crosses" and I feel this song is a strong reaction and the band are trying to get their integrity back. Kick-ass song by the way. There's so much anger behind the line "I want to piss on the walls of your house".

Then again, their upcoming record is a concept album of a transgender prostitute, so I might be wrong. But there's nothing saying this song can't be interpreted in more than one way.

I believe this song to be about Tom Gabel. How he kept his true identity inside for so many years. When she says: "I don't want to see the world that way anymore, I don't want to feel that weak and insecure."

I believe she's talking about seeing the world through the eyes of Tom Gabel instead of her true self Laura Jane Grace.

"I don't ever want to talk that way again, I don't want to know people like that anymore. As if there was an obligation, As if I owed you something." I think this is her saying that she never wants to be a guy like she used to be, and that she realized she wasn't obligated to be a guy and not feel right...that she had the choice to change her life for herself, and dosen't owe anything to anyone else. All the versus like this are showing that she didn't feel comfterable in her old body.

"Black me out. I want to piss on the walls of your house, I want to chop those brass rings off your fat fucking fingers. As if you were a kingmaker. Black me out." To all the people who don't accept her transformation, and to the cops that will treat her differently. She can't show that it bothers her in front of them, but it does and she's letting it out in the song."

"All the young graves filled. Don't the best all burn out so bright and so fast? Full-body high. I'm never coming down." Perhaps relating to the statistic that 41% of transgenders attempt suicide, and therefore so many die to young, and she's had these feelings to, and she is still fighting feelings, but she loves her new body and she is never going to give in.

Just my thoughts on the song. Could be totally off.

I love her voice in this. Angry and sweet at the same time!

To me this is about not being able to be yourself and show your true self to the world and how pretending just makes you angry and miserable inside.

I think with Paralytic states implying the characters death - Black Me Out is more of an anthem from Laura herself. We're to believe Rebel dies at the end of the last song, I think Black Me Out is like honoring the fictional transsexual sex worker, and kind of providing an anthem of "we will not be defeated"

Singing along to this is pure catharsis for me. Each time I dedicate it to certain people I wish weren't in my life because as a trans person I just want to be myself and I'm not able to.

In her book, she mentions the first time she played the song with the band (Dec 31 2011, Atlanta, GA) saying, "It was a farewell song. This was the night I said goodbye to Thomas James Gabel."

This song seems to exist somewhat outside of the narrative of the album, like it's the moral coda to the True Trans Soul Rebel's story. I interpret this song to be about trans erasure, and in general Laura's experience coming out and transitioning.

"I don't ever want to talk that way again I don't want to know people like that anymore As if there was an obligation As if I owed you something"

Before she came out, it's like every conversation she had came with the limiting obligation that she'd act cisgender, out of fear of reproval. It's like she's imprisoning herself to avoid making those with traditional ideas of gender uncomfortable.

"Black me out I wanna piss on the walls of your house I wanna chop those brass rings off your fat fucking fingers As if you were a kingmaker"

The chorus is all the internalized anger that she's felt over the years coming out in full force—she's been pissed on and put down so long, she longs to desecrate every last tradition that held her down, from the houses of the ignorant to the traditional views of marriage.

"Black me out" could refer to the practice of erasing or ignoring trans representation and issues in media. Without proper media representation and coverage, not only is it difficult to gain public support, but it's also difficult to accept yourself or your identity. A trans person seeing another trans person succeeding is extremely encouraging, and reassures that not only is their identity valid, but that it shouldn't hold them back either.

The line, "As if you were a kingmaker," means that by enforcing these traditional ideas of love, gender, marriage, etc., these institutions are essentially playing God, because it interferes with people's personal lives and the opportunities that they have to improve. Essentially, these institutions choose who they'd like to be happy and succeed. It could also refer to people who try to insist that Laura's identity is invalid, and try to assert that she's male—like they're trying to make her a "king."

The last few lines:

"All the young graves filled. Don't the best all burn out so bright and so fast? Full-body high, I'm never coming down"

Pretty explicitly describe all the people who've killed themselves or been killed because they were trans. Then it ends on a positive note, about how she regrets nothing about her decision to transition, comparing it to a "full-body high," like she's finally realized her full potential now that her physical appearance aligns with her psychological understanding of herself, and she is able to act the way she wants.