This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Excuse me, but can I be you for a while?
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the Anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah, I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes
Yes, I know what you think of me, you never shut up
Yeah, I can hear that
But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been here silent all these years
So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven where some screams have gone
I got twenty-five bucks an' a cracker
Do you think it's enough to get us there
'Cause what if I'm a mermaid,
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been here silent all these
Years go by, will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by, if I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds raining in my head
Years go by, will I choke on my tears
'Til, finally there is nothing left
One more casualty, you know we're too easy, easy, easy
Well, I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But, baby, don't look up, the sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
Hmm, it's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you, here taken hold of my hand
Yeah, I can hear them
But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of yours with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice
I hear my voice, I hear my voice, and it's been here
Silent all these years
I've been here
Silent all these years
Silent all these
Silent all these years
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the Anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah, I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes
Yes, I know what you think of me, you never shut up
Yeah, I can hear that
But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been here silent all these years
So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven where some screams have gone
I got twenty-five bucks an' a cracker
Do you think it's enough to get us there
'Cause what if I'm a mermaid,
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been here silent all these
Years go by, will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by, if I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds raining in my head
Years go by, will I choke on my tears
'Til, finally there is nothing left
One more casualty, you know we're too easy, easy, easy
Well, I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But, baby, don't look up, the sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
Hmm, it's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you, here taken hold of my hand
Yeah, I can hear them
But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of yours with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice
I hear my voice, I hear my voice, and it's been here
Silent all these years
I've been here
Silent all these years
Silent all these
Silent all these years
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I saw Tori Amos on 20/20 a few years back. She explained this song was written to give voice to her inner rage at being raped. "Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice,I hear my voice, I hear my voice, And it's been years silent all these years". That is saying she was silent about it but not anymore. "Years go by will I still be waiting, For somebody else to understand" Well plenty of women hear and understand!!!
I agree with your interpretation, Fluffy.
i completely think this song has a different meaning than what you are all saying! (not that you might not be right, but i just think there's more to it) .. i dont know if it has to do with her being pregnant or not, but i think it's about how she doesn't feel like the guy is listening to anything she says and she hates it.... "Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been years/ silent all these years " .. that seems definitely like she's trying to stand up to him and it's really hard because she's been with him for a long time and let him walk all over her and "choke on my tears" is like she can't get them (tears, feelings, whatever) out even though she's really upset about this guy .. maybe he's cheating on her (then the jeans line would make sense) "Years go by will I still be waiting/ For somebody else to understand" sounds like she doesnt want to break up with him, or even speak up, because she's scared she won't find another guy "I got something to say you know but NOTHING comes Yes I know what you think of me you never shut up Yeah I can hear that " sounds like, yet again, she can't make herself stand up to him and it's all about what he thinks, just like in the part where it says "Well I love the way we communicate Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape Let's hear what you think of me now but baby don't look up The sky is falling " ... anyone have any feedback?
@supergrrlacl. I do think its both, anger at endemic systemic toxic masculintiy and violence she may have experienced while unable to vocalize and also the relationships with love that have held her down and her angst ridden departure from them
does anyone else think that Tori might sometimes just get really FUCKED up and writes? I'm not sure that she always has some profound meaning to every song. i think a lot of them are simple stories with clear messages but she just beefs them up with insane lyrics..... just something ive always wondered about her
This is a song about the cycle of abuse. a mermaid in a pair of jeans is counter-productive. These jeans of "his" with "her name" still on it - we see his mother referenced at the end of the song - it's clear the mother makes the boyfriend feel the way he is treating his girlfriend "mother shows up in a nasty dress... now you stand where i stand - the jeans are a metaphor for abuse - smothering the beauty and the wonderment of the 'mermaid" . There is a lot going on in this song. The dog has witnessed the abuse and has become violent, the girl gets saved from verbal abuse when the garbage truck arrives (an antithetical hero) at one point, she indicates that she may be pregnant. Makes references to heaven and has 25 bucks "is it enough to get us there" possibly having an abortion, sending the baby up to heaven and ending the cycle of abuse. toward the end of the song, she begins to speak not to the listener but to the boyfriend - one more casualty, you know we're too easy... the baby in question, the girl and the boyfriend are all casualties of circumstance - the sky is falling - the boyfriend is being made aware but she pities him the way she pities herself.
the only part of this song i think i really get is "boy you best pray that i bleed real soon" - i'm pretty sure she's telling him that she might be pregnant.
For me, this song is really about those who can't think for themselves, those who always obey their parents, those who are sheltered and those who want something more.
At first things previously sinful and taboo seem just that but eventually they open up with your mind and there's a whole new world waiting.
I really identify with this song a lot because it reminds me of how I was when I was afraid of all that was different from me and afraid of myself. It's not necessary to live in a constricting universe with a dirty gag stuck in your mouth, you can really discover something else.
And it seems Tori has broken free by the end of the song as she sings "silent all these years" near the end and instead of returning to the repetitive three-note arpeggio she has matured into a simple yet elegant string part.
Here's the lyrics that mean the most to me.
"Yes I know what you think of me, you never shut up." You can't be too dependent on what other people think of you because they will always be trying to press you into a mold.
"You best pray that I bleed real soon, how's that thought for you?" Not exactly positive how to say what this means but it is very beautiful.
"My scream got lost in a paper cup, do you think there's a heaven where some screams have gone? I've got 25 bucks and a cracker do you think it's enough to get us there?" The screams represent to me the good things we cannot have in our cage. They are lost in something cheap and worthless but we can go retrieve them.
"Years go by, will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand." Once again, we can't depend on other people to save us.
"Let's hear what you think of me now but baby don't look up, the sky is falling." Finally, we've learned to stand up to the authority and rest on a foundation different from the ones we've always lived on. We may not be approved of, but the other world is collapsing.
I love this song, it's one of my favorites by Tori Amos.
No one has mentioned this part yet:
Your MOTHER shows up in a nasty dress It's your turn now to stand where I stand Everybody lookin' at you here take hold of my hand
I think this is speaking about the way that her own abused and damaged soul still can't resist but to reach out a hand to her abuser...when he is the one to feel ridiculed and small. Very insightful and compassionate.
Finally somebody mentions that! That's one of my favorite parts of the song. It's so human and real. Like she knows the person is this way because of someone else, and they've just followed the chain of abuse.
This song is definitely about unwanted pregnancy. In an interview tori said that "Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon" was a direct reference to the possibility of unwanted pregnancy. She said that everyone is writing songs, but she writes songs about the real things, the things no one else wants to write about. The harsh truths of the world.
I love this song. I think she's talking about someone she has a love/hate relationship with. And she's kind of stuck in it, she can't find her voice, she doesn't have enough confidence to walk away and she's wants to pretend she's still ok with it because she has fears that no one will love her again. And she's kind of saying, that it's had to let go of another person, she's kind of hanging on to hope that it will work.
It's hard to be in a position where someone is treating you as if you're below them, constantly belittling you and making you feel as if you're not important. It's even harder when you love that person and have no strength to leave them, even if they make you feel shitty. I think this song epitomizes the journey of being put down by someone you love, whether a lover of a family member or a friend, but all the while you know, deep inside, that you mean more than they allow you to believe, and that you do have a voice...it's just hidden.