Okay so let me just start off by saying that I still cant decide whether I like DB or not, it's all just so confusing!!! Okay so I will now start with last night at Ginas batti. It was, in one word... Amazing! Well, kind of. You see, I was talking to DB the whole time, and even though he was sort of.. inapropriate for most of the time, there were some parts that were actually nice. I am just kind of hoping that he likes me, if he does it will make it a lot easier for me to like him. That night was amazing! Anyway, today was Marine Day, and I actually... Had fun. At first I was really panicking in the morning, but it all turned out alright. You see, one of the three Js was talking to me, and it was nice :) I have come to a decision that I don't actually want to be friends with th other to, so he is the only J left. I will now only call him J. Okay so J was talking to me quite a lot, and it was cool too. I took a lot of photos at Marine Day today and they are pretty cool. They found this Pajama Shark, and even though it wasn't as big as one of those common sharks that everybody knows about. It was still pretty cool... Isabel, Rachel and I were just sitting and taking photos and stuff, it was pretty fun. Afterwards we had creative writing, and before it started I really didnt feel like doing it, but then it actually started, and it was a lot of fun. I think I wrote quite a good piece, well, it was okay, I had a lot of fun writing it. We were supposed to make up our own world, and mine was based on a person who was isolated by the rest of the world, so he/she kind of lived in his/her own one. Yes, I did get the idea from Pink Floyd The Wall, but it's not the same. Anywho, when I got back from creative writing, my dad and I went for another jog. It was much better than yesterday, but I still need more practice if I want to win, or at least come second, at sports day. That is why I am going again tomorrow, and the next day, but then the next day is sports day so... (sigh) I'm not usually this competetive, and I said yesterday why this is so important to me. I just... I don't know :( Isabel made me a Twitter account, but I doubt I'm going to be using it very much, I'm now that much of a fan of Twitter, but it doesn't really matter. I just hate the fact that there is normal school tomorrow (sigh) Well, I just hope that DB and I talk some more, if not DB then J (which I seriously seriously doubt!) Anywho, I must go shower now, so bye!

So this morning I went for a run at 8:30, and i realized something. I am never going to win the sports day in running. I cant believe it! I am just so unfit! I cant even run fast without having a heart attack! Last year, I won Victrix Ledorum! How could I go down a step?! It's just so unfair, and that is why I have decided to go for a run every day after school until the day of the sports day. (sigh) I just hope it helps. It's not like I would win anyway if I am going against Shannon W. She is in a higher grade than me but she still runs in our race because she is our age, and it's so unfair! URGH! I just... want to make my house proud. I don't even care if I win, but it must be either first or second. I know how that makes me sound. I'm not like that usually, it's just running has always been something of my own. All of my other interests have been taken away from me, and running is all I have. I just don't want to be left with no interest for my own. (sigh) Well, I have a batti to go to at about 7:00, and I will se DB so I will finally see if I like him or not. I am just so confused when it comes to him. I really need to find out what I am going to wear. I really don't want to wear a dress, but I'll just blame it on my parents. I am so happy it's going to be cloudy tomorrow, not because it's Marine day, which I am actually now looking forward to now that I don't have to swim, but because I like being cold. Well, unless I'm at school, if it's out of the school building then I like to be cold. I just hope tomorrow goes well. I will definitely be using my camera so I really need to charge it tonight. I also need to find something to wear. Well, I am completely bored, so I'm off. I can't believe there was no school today, public holidays rule! Although I don't have much to do...

Okay so today I found out that my dad downloaded Paranormal Activity 2 and wen I finished watching it today, I was pretty diappointed. I was expecting something really scary, and it did have some scary parts in it, but the first one was much scarier. The movie is 1 and 1/2 hours, but it felt like 20 minutes. It wasn't the worst movie ever, but it definitely wasn't the best. Okay so let me start from last night. It was pretty fun, Kayla, Teagan and I watched "Spud" and that is one seriously bad movie! Everybody said it was so good and so funny, when in fact it was really bad and only had about 2 parts in it that make me half smile. I hate it when people over-exadurate movies. Anyway, that night was fun, and then themorning was cool too. I was just being the same lazy person I always am and I never eally got out of bed except for when it was breakfast. The breakfast was really good. Anyway I then went with Steven to get Ruth from camp, and yeah taht was pretty much my day. Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about DB. I was thinking of how great it would be if we were like, walking somewhere together and he like, holds my hand. I have never been the type of person who would say yes to a date, but if he asked I think I would actually say yes. Of course if that were ever to happen, which is very unlikely!!! It's really weird though, So I always think about DB in that way, like if we were togther and stuff, and I always think about how I like him, but when I see him in person, I just don't feel anything. Well, I don't know yet because I havn't actually seen him, but when I picture him. Maybe I just need to see him face to face, if I don't feel anything, then it's probably just that weird fase I go through. Anyway, I best be off. Bye...

I know I wrote on here quite a few hours ago, but I just have some more to say. So as I had said before, while we were watching the movie, "Just Go With It", I was thinking about DB the whole time! I figured that DB and Adam Sandler are really alike. They are both completely inappropriate, but have great sense of humours. And I know that Adam Sandler, in his movies, is always the inapproriate one, but when he finds the right girl, he is completely romantic and so... um, the word I am looking for is... charming. I am not sure if DB is like that, with the finding the right girl and stuff, but I'm hoping that he is. I just want it to be between me and him like it was in the movie "Just Go With IT". He would be Adam Sandler and I would be Jenniffer Aniston. I have always wanted that moment, when we are both saying nice things about each other, for some weird reason, and then we would both stop and feel all weird and tingly filled with love. Lol, weird. I have also always wanted that moment when we are about to kiss but we get interrupted or something. And right now I want those moments with DB. Why would he ever like me though? (sigh) I know he has once before, but he would never do it again. Well, I better go pack my bag for kayla now. I'll write again tomorrow, maybe.

Okay so my dream last night was really... Interesrting. It was about DB. I don't quite remember what happened but there was this energy between us and we could both tell that we liked each other. I can't remember if we had kissed or not but... I just don't know, I just don't know if I liek him or not. I usually like someone if I am having dreams about them, but I can't really tell. (sigh) Even if I did like him, he would never like me back, so there is really no point. Today I am sleeping over at Kayla and Teagan will be there too, I hope it is going to be nice. I am just not in the mood to be going somewhere today, but it's okay I guess. I am also going to see a movie today called "Just Go With It" You know, the one with Adam Sandler and Jenniffer Aniston. Anyway, I will probably just be thinking of DB a lot of the time. WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO AND JOKE AROUND LIKE THAT??!! Oh well, I won't speak tonight so that is why I'm writing now. I also forgot to say something yesterday which I found out at school. I found out that the band I was asked to be in has already started now so it's too late for me. It's okay though, it woud have been messed up and awkward if I was in it anyway. Well, I gtg get dressed fo the movies now, bye.

Okay so today was good fro the most part of it, although I do feel a little depressed because of this one thing that happened today, but I will get to that later. What I particularly liked about today was that it was spent mostly with my great friends, David, Dylan and Emma. Yes, we have all become amazing close again which is amazing. The cycle test was okay and everybody looked hilarious in their Purin costumes( I didn't dress up). Anyway, today was quite fun, now onto the horrible part. So I was sitting withe evryone and, well lets just call him DB, so DB comes to sit next to me and he is busy on his Blackberry. He then makes some inappropriate comment like he always does, and then does some other thing. So then he goes onto this one picture and points it to me just so that I would read it. Now what it said has made me depressed and I will explain why in a minute. So what it sai was " I like you, and I know you think it's stupid but I can't help it". Those aren't the exact words but I definitely know it started off by saying "I like and you and I know you think it's stupid", I just can't rememebr the rest. So after I read it I look at him in a sort of sarcastic way because I knew he was joking. At that moment while I was looking at him, even though I knew he was joking, my stomache got butterflies. He then said, "Ha, I'm kidding" and my stomache completely dropped. I don't know if it's because I like him, or because he said that he liked me. I still know he was joking but I have this weird thing about me. No matter how the person says it, whether the person is joking or not, if the person (a boy, but like if he is hot, or a good friend of mine) says that they like me, I just... start liking them, no matter who they are. Now the problem is, I can't tell whether I actually like him or if this is just that fase I go through for like a week when someone tells me that they like me. I just got really upset when he said he was kidding, even though I knew he was. I am completely depressed. Okay so I'm not depressed, but I am reeeaaalllyyy sad. I was just watching "50 First Dates" and when they were walking and holding hands, I just thought of that me me and him. It's like, I can't have a day when nothing goes wrong. If something good happensto me, then something bad has to happen as well, and the better the good thing is, the worse the bad thing is. URRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! I probably don't like him though, I mean I have once and there has been a time when we have both liked each other, but I don't think it's going to happen again. I know it is very early to be writing but I just couldn't keep it inside of me any longer. (sigh) I just don't know what to do anymore, I will just have to deal with it and see what happens.

Today was average, excpet for this morning. I really don't feel like explaining it, but it had gotten me really angry for the first hour of school, but it all turned out okay for the rest of the day, although it just made me hate my mom a whole lot more. Okay tomorrow I have to tell Teagan that we seriously need to start handing out the invatations. I will check when we have a free saturday and then I will tell her that we must give the invitations out. I only want this party for the presents. I know that is really selfish of me but... I'm a bitch. I am certainly not proud of it. I hate Mrs Cook!!! Oh well, what can ya do? I don't have much else to say about today, so bye.

Okay so today wasn't great, but I will get to that later, I will start with last night at Deejs barmi. Okay so when I arrived everyone was outside in the driveway and my mom stopped to let me out, so then she called Max for something (which was realllllllyyyy embarrasing) and he opened the car door as if to get into the car (he was only joking though) which was really weird. And then my mom decides to call Jessica, Gina and... I don't remember who else and she said the we must have good manners. IS SHE TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE!? Anyway, so I went inside and the girls weren't really talking to me so I sat down with Dyland and Chris. I was having a boring conversation with them while more people were arriving. I was then sitting with Dylan, Chris, Brendan, Ethan and Josh, even though the girls had arrived. It wasn't really a good conversation with the boys, but I'm sure it would have been a lot more boring with the girls. Anyway, Brendan asked me "Don't you feel weird?" and I was like, "No, why?" and he said "Because like, all of the girls are over there and you are just here with us" so I said "No, not at all". Anyway, that made me realize how much more fun the boys are than the girls. I always did know that, but I realized that I am not sure of it. Anyway, the night went by and Dylan was just hanging around me. Now I know he is my very good friend, but I need my space sometimes, and he just doesn't leave! I did get my space for at least 10 minutes last night. Anywho, it was soon the end of the night,and I went to go say goodbye to Deej, and he hugged me. The only weird part about that hug was the fact that it didn't feel weird. With any other person I would have felt uncomfortable, but I didn't. I don't know, maybe I am being crazy, I probably am. Anyway the next day (today) was really bad. Well, at least Mrs Cook didn't see my fringe. I started off with have to cut my lick open with the giant plyer-type things. Then my ponytail snapped so I had to quickly find someone to give me an extra one. Let me tell you that this is all about 5 minutes before the bell rang because there was so much traffic! I was in P.E today (I didn't bring my costume so I didn't actually swim) and it was half way through the lesson and Dylan was about 1 and a hald metres away from Ron and I, and he was sitting with Dean and Joseph. So Dylan asks me "didn't you call your dad fat?" and I said "ONCE!" Because this one time I called him fat as a joke, because he said something about me was lame, and I knew he was joking. Now everyone thinks I am horrible to my dad. Anyway, then I overheard him saying that I was horrible to my dad. That actually really upset me. I love my dad. I just... at that moment I had hated him. I have always thought he was a little anoying, but now Dylan was just giving me a reason to hate him. After that comment I was just depressed the whole day. Anyway, not much else happened that is worth mentioning from the rest of today. (sigh) "She's horrible to her dad". I will never get that out of my head.

There are two things that I really want to happen tomorrow night at D's barmi. I want that conversation with someone, that amazing conversation I have been waiting for ever since Ilan moved. The other thing is that I hope I don't look ugly, I tend to do that a lot and it's pretty annoying. Anyway, today was better than yesterday, even though it was a little boring. I went to watch Emily do her hoarseriding stuff, and then we went for some lunch. When we got home I was pretty much bored out of my mind, and I still am, but my music has been fun. You know what I am nervous for? I am nervous for Marine Day. I really really really don't want to do it, I so badly want to be the photographer for that day. Listen to me, thinking that I'm now good enough to take the pictures on that day just because I won a prize in grade six for the photography competition. Wow, I'm pretty stupid. I just really don't want to wear a wetsuit. I guess that's all I'm worried about. I look completely retarded in a wetsuit and I really don't want to wear one. I would much rather just sit there and take the photos, I hope that's exactly waht I get to do. I know it would be amazing to go snorkling, but I just can't, because I'm that much of an idiot. UUUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! (sigh) well, I'm officially boring myself with my not-so- interesting day. I'm off.

I have officially lost all of my good friends. * Teagan with Michaela * Dylan with Mik * David with Mik * Kyle with... Never see him anymore * Isabel with Rachel * I never see Emma anymore And those were the only people I had looked forward to seeing in my day. At least I have one friend left... Pink Floyd. Wow, that's really sad. I have been hanging out with David and Dylan a few minutes more than I used to, but what is a few minutes compared to all the time? I knew everyone hated me before, but really people you could at least act like you like me. My history test today was really bad too, I just hope I didn't fail. I have a barmi this weekend, I am probably going to look as ugly as I always do. Maybe life will cut me some slack on that day though. Listen to me, I sound like my life is completely depressing. It's not. I always assume that my life is always sad just because of some days that are bad, we all have our bad days. I'll bet I annoy you all wih my ramblings. (of course not, nobody would ever want to read this) Anyway, I just hope my weekend is better than my past few days. I guess I am just feeling horrible because I feel as though all of my friends have found somebody else that they have realized is a lot more fun to hang out with than me, and I am okay with that, it is their choice, tehy can do what they want. I'm better off by myself, I have Pink Floyd to keep me company. Well, I'm off, I would say I hope to wake up nice and late tomorrow morning, but I know that is never going to happen.