Well, today was great until I got home (obviously). It was Kayla's birthday today and everything was special for her and stuff. I got her these cupcakes that are rainbow coloured inside and tehy taste really good. It was great because we swapped lockers for the whole of today and it was perfect because she has the awesome people by her lockers and my lockers suck! She probably wanted to be there because Talya and Dean are there. It would be so great if we swapped again tomorrow. Anyway, school today went surprisingly well. And then after school I went to kayla along with Jayson Raw. , Sidne, Gina, Storme, Isabel, Josh sh. and Dean. We went to Hudsons, that great burger place. It was amazing. Then we went back to Kayla and all the boys had to leave really soon so it was just left with us girls. It was so fun and funny at first, but then they all started putting on dresses and trying on Kaylas clothes and stuff which was when I was just sitting by myself. I don't belong with girls like them. I'm not one of those cool besties. It's okay though. Anyway, after that I got home and everything was good except my dad and I were having an argument about whether I should go to hip-hop or not because there was a stupid netball match. I want to go to hip-hop. Everyone is being so annoying. Then i found out that somebody ate my cupcake, which is when I was a little angry but soon got over it. I then found out that Ruth and Emily had made some of them without me (which made me a little angry again) and they didn't make them nicely. So Talya then asks if I can bring her one of the cupcakes tomorrow at school, and I thought that it would be cool if I did because, well she is one of those cool ones, and maybe she would see me as someone not so irritating and annoying so I said yes. So I then tasted those terrible ones and they were gross. I then went to shower and when I got out, I asked my mom if we could maybe bake some more. She was fine with it and then when Emily got home, she started commenting on how late it was and stuff. Then Ruth strated joining in on the commenting. Then my mom decides that we shouldn't make cupcakes and taht was when I got really angry. (sigh) I just want to be liked by one of the girls that are not from Highlands. It doesn't matter though, I just have to deal with what I have. Well, I didn't get to watch That 70's show tonight which sucks, and I have a very strong feeling that tomorrow is going to be very horrible! It will suck!!! I just... (sigh) I want my days to stop sucking. To top it all off, I have been forced to sleep out this saturday. Just great. I best be off, I don't want to keep my non-existent chats on bbm waiting.

Okay well yesterday (this morning because it was actually 1:00AM) I was having this really nice conversation with David Her. about boyfriends and girlfriends. It really was a great conversation, but he ruined it by randomly logging off in the middle of it. Anyway, before I had that conversation, I had a different one with DB and it was also a great conversation. I made a prediction and I was unfortunately right. (sigh). Anyway, after the conversation with David, I had this dream when I went to sleep. Here it was: Okay, so my dream last night was pretty epic, lots of different things happened. What I am here to now talk to you about (in my dream) is when I was speaking to SS. You see, my friends and I were going to go to the movies together, and then (I don’t quite remember what we were doing) SS asks me something that completely gave me butterflies in the stomach. He asked me: “After the movies, do you maybe want to go get some ice-cream.” I knew he was only talking to me because, well, he was only facing me and it was my dream :P Anyway, all I remember after that is us talking a lot and somewhere in this dream our next door neighbours had a bunch of cows in their yard, and then we were somewhere and this horse was the tree and people were trying to get it out by dancing, and some where in between I was some sort of person like the Charlies Angels… It was very very weird. Anyway, all I know is that I had a lot of fun talking to SS in there. I don't know what to think of people anymore... Everything just confuses me... Anyway, tomorrow I am going away for three days, and I just hope that it is fun and that my camera works. Well, I went to see Harry Potter 7 Part 2 today with some friends, it was a lot of fun. It was an epic movie, I really enjoyed it. Anywho, I don't have much else to say now, so I best be off. Good bye.

I have taken quite a liking to the band the Ramones. Well, really just the song My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes To Bitburg). I got so interested in it i decided to do a little research on what the song was actually about. I alwyas thought that the Ramones were just one of those punk rock bands that gave a crap but expressed it in crappy music, but I have been proved wrong. I always did only like the song (Bonzo Goes To Bitburg) but I have recently found out that there are quite a few otehr songs that are good by the Ramones. Anyway, so the song Bonzo Goes To Bitburg was really all about how the band was against Nazism (if that is the correct word) and that is really what got me more interested in this band. They sure are rock legends. Anywho, I still have a lot of work to do. My plan didn't go out so well aobut doing all the work in the second week, because it is now Sunday (it was saturday an hour ago) and today I'm going to be at the theme park... I just really have to catch up in the third week. I really did ttry to do it this week, but I didn't understand what to do and whenevver I asked for help my friends said that they were busy or something. It was actually very annoying. Anyway... I have been quite confused lately, about a lot of things. (sigh) It's not even worth worryinAnywho, I watched Shutter Island. It was actually very good, I really enjoyed it... Well, I best be off, I should probably go to bed now. Night.

Well it's Emily's birthday today, and my parents woke me up at 9:00! We opened up the presents and stuff, and my parents always get the other two sisters a present as well on one of our birthdays. I was really hoping for something better, but I got a lousy beanie that looks bulky on the sides (which is really ugly) becasue it has speakers in them. (sigh). Well, the good think is that I went back to sleep and then woke up again at around 11:00. Well, anyway,w e went to lunch, but I wasn't too hungry. So Li-Or phones me, and she says that she wants to move our arrangement earlier! It was originally at 1:30, but then she asked to move it to 11:15! I don't really want to go, but hey, she has been asking me for a while. Whatever, I will just have to deal with it. I guess it's fine, I will just have to wake up 15 minutes earlier than usual, who know, I might even already be awake. I still have my work to do, which sure does suck, but hey, I still have time... Right? Anywho, I don't have much to say, nothing interesting has really happened. Well, nothing that I feel like explaining.

Okay, well today wasn't so bad. I'm really feeeling a lot better about this whole @Dad telling Emily@ thing, I mean, I was really upster, but you get over things. I didn't think I would get over it this quickly, but I am. Anyway, so I went to the movies today, and the people taht were there were Sidne, DP, Chad P, Dean, Kayla, and Dylan. Of course I got stuck sitting next to Dylan. I really dislike him, he just annoys me to death. Anyway, so I was sitting next to Dylan and Chad. This is how it went. We were plannign to get into Bridesmais (which was rated 16) but they wouldn't let us in, so then we didn't know what else to see, and we randomly picked The Resident (not knowing what it was about). Anyway, so a few seconds into the movie, I decided to look up what it was about on my Blackberry, and I found out that it was a horror/drama/thriller. I told everyone about it but we all just wanted to try it out. I got pretty scared so I was just playing games on my phone. Then, halfway through, me, Dylan, Dean and Kayla decided that we didn't want to watch anymore, so we just left and walked around and got some ice cream and stuff. Anyway, then we went back to meet up with the other three and (thankfullay Dylan had left by this time) we all just walked around together and stuff. It was pretty cool, I mean, it was okay, not the best. I guess I had fun though. Anyway, so I got back at about 5:30 and I was just relaxing and stuff. I had a conversation with SS on the phone. Then I had quite a long conversation with Brendan on the phone. And ya, so that was pretty much my day. I woke up really nice and late this morning, it was great. I was thinking about what Isabels and her mom was telling me, and I realised that I make up the time in the morning by going to sleep really late. So I'm actually not wasting any time of my life. I too spend it on th computer. Anywho, I don't have much else to say now, so I best be off. Bye.

Well, my dream that I had last night was weird. It involved Sam S. He will be known now as SS. ANyway, when it made me feel more like I just want my first kiss. Maybe it was the fact that I had really wanted it last month, but it didn't happen. Oh well, at least I had an almost first kiss in my dream. Close enough I guess... Anyway, when I woke up this morning I was really just depressed. I hadn't wanted to even walk out of my room because I just didn't know hwo I was ever going to face everyone. You see, I wasn't angry at my dad for looking at my private stuff. Well, I was angry but I knew it would only last a few moments. Then, Emily told me she knew what I wrote. That is what really got me. It is one thing to look through my things, but then to show my older sister? I mean, there was stuff about her in there too. That was what made me unable to walk outside of my room, the fact taht there were two people there who knew. I never thought that it would come to this, but I am really disliking my dad right now. If only he hadn't told Emily... I have never had anything like this happen to me before. I have never been so humiliated that I didn't even want to get out of bed at all because I was so embarrased. I can't believe my own father would do taht to me. I havn't been able to look anybody in the eye this whole day. I feel so awkward when I am around my dad and Emily, and my mom. I only feel comfortable when |I'm around Ruth and Nan. I have just been feeling really depressed today. I just don't want to be around any of my family members. (sigh) I have never experienced this amount of embarrasent before, and the fact taht my dad has bestowed it upon me is even worse. After I found out last night that Emily knew, I just lay in bed, listening to music non stop for about an hour. Doing nothing. I didn't even think of anything that had happened, I just focused on the music. I guess that is why I actually managed not to cry that night, because I was just putting all of my attention towards the songs taht were playing on my ipod. Thanks G-d for music. Other than being depressed, nothing much happened today. I guess I feel better now about it all, I mean, I sort of warmed up to people again since we started watching a movie about an hour ago. (sigh). Whatever, I just need to relax. I still have my Hebrew thing to do, ut I have decided that I will rather do my work in the second week of the holidays. That way I have the third week to just relax and stuff. Well, I don't have much else to say, except for the fact that I am still shutting down all of my emotions. I don't even put any faces on my statuses on my phone because I think it just shows too much emotioin. I just have to remember. I don't care anymore.

Well, everything good happened to me today. That is, until about 10:00 tonight. I should have been expecting something like this to happen. I can't believe I didn't even realise taht nothing bad had ahppened to me, and I should have known all this good was just awaiting something bad in the end. I'm such an idiot. Okay, so I said yesterday taht my sleeping plans were messed up now. I was completely wrong. I usually go wake up at around 10:00 AM and last night I went to sleep at the exact same time as normal (around 1:00 AM) but instead of waking up at around 10:00 AM, I woke up at 11:25! I wouldn't have woken up if my mom hadn't stepped into the room. I mean, that's just what I love about mornings, waking up nice and late. When I went to Isabel, she and her mom were telling me how much of a waste of time and life it is to wake up so late. Of course I wasn't going to be rude and disagree, so I just went along with it. I thought about it though, and Isabel was telling me that. SHe wakes up so early, like at 7:00 AM but all she does is spend her time playing SIMS on the computer, and SHE tells ME that I'm wasting time?? (sigh) Maybe she's right. I mean, at least she is doing something... Ii dunno, I'm alowed to diagree if i want to! ANd I do disagree. Anyway, so when I woke up I was told taht I was going to luch and to see a moie with Kayla and Jemma. So when I got there and met up with them, I saw Storme was there too, which was really cool. So I went to go get the food with STorme, Kayla, Jemma and Ruth and we ate and stuff. Then we went to see a movie, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid 2, and it was actually a lot of fun. The brother, Rodrick (Devon Bostick), is actually pretty hot. Anyway, after that the rest of my day was going well. Other than the fact that it wasn't letting me watch That 70's Show anymore because I had been watching it for about 72 minutes. It told me to either pay or wait 13 minutes. I waited.... For about half an hour. Still, nothing happened. Anyway, I was on the computer, when my dad comes and sits down next to me. I could staright away tell that it was going to be bad. He tells me that he saw what I wrote in my homework diary. You see, I wrote something really bad in it, about my mom, about hjow much I hated her and stuff in it. I specifically put it in a random page so taht nobody would see it. I still wonder why he was looking through my things. URGH! Anyway, immediatly I wanted to just get out of the room, and I became intensly aware of the red light beeping on my phone. Why did he have to go and look at that stuff? He aksed me if I still felt that way. I lied and said no. He asked me how recent it was that I had written that, I know it was last month, but I told him I didn't remember. I just hate the fact that he would go through my things like that! URGH! I hate it!!!!! (sigh) I have decided that I am so upset and feel so invaded, taht I am just going to shut all of my emotions down. I will feel no happiness, sadness, hyperness or anything. I will just be calm and shy and content for the rest of my life. I don't need things like this to bring me down, so I will no longer let them. Great...

Okay well when I went to Isabel, it wasn't bad. (sigh) i just always feel like such an idiot when I go to her, and I hate the fact that she changes my sleep course. I HATE IT! (sigh) I woke up ate 8:40!!! URGH!!!! Anyway, so I just came back from the supper with my friends at the Spur. It was me, Gen, Max, Teagan, Josh, Izzy, Jessica, Kayla,Li-Or and Miks. It was actually a lot of fun, I didn't speak too much in the begining but it was okay. I didn't get the same shirt from Big Blue, but I got this other really cool one that looks better on me and it also has a cow on it. It's pretty awesome. Anyway, I finally got my Hebrew thing. I didn't find it but I asked if Hayden could take a picture of it for me and send it to me, and he did. I just need to copy it down onto a piece of paper. And then I need to do it... ALong with my Afrikaans thing... (sigh) so much work for the holidays. I honestly don't think teachers know what holidays are for. Hmm.... I don't have much to say right now.... (sigh) well I best be off. Okay not really, nut I'm gonna leave anyway.

Well, today hasn't been so great. I was feeling so depressed today, and I had the right. I realised that everyone does everythingwithout me. That everyone has new friends and obviously prefers to not be around me at any time. I don't blame these people. I'm not exactly someone people would like to talk to. Well, at least J doesn't think so. Or he didn't. I can't tell anymore. "If you love me won't you let me know." Such simple words. I guess we all just want to know who has feelings for us. It would all just be so much easier. (sigh). I get it okay, nobody likes me... I just hate the fact that it's true. Well, I guess I get invited to some things. I'm invited to have supper with my friends on Wednesday night, and I was invited to the movies today, I chose not to go though. Stupid mistake. I am really enjoying the song Don't You Cry Tonight by Guns 'N Roses. They sure are a great band. They are quite the clever ones too, think about it. "Live and Let Die" ect... So amazing. I'm going to Isabel tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm also going to Canal Walk and hopefully I iwill get the shirt that I had wanted to get yesterday. Hopefully... Mmmm You know what I hate? I will tell you. I hate fake people. I hate the people who tell me they know and listen to the good music, but just do it to impress the people around them. I hate those people. Okay fine, hate is quite a strong word, but I just... (sigh) I dunno. I woke up nice and late this morning, thankfully. I don't think I'm going to get to do it again tomorrow morning. That's the only thing I hate about sleeping at Isabel. I feel so bad about waking up so late because she always wakes up so damn early!!! And if I wake up early one morning, it becomes a habbit for the rest of the week, or even the next week. (sigh). I can't believe it's so early right now. I'm planning to go to sleep at about 1:00. I watched Three Men and a Baby today, and then after that I watched Three Men and a Little Lady, and I saw something that I just thought was the cutest. I would love something like this to happen as my first kiss. Okay so I'm still hoping my first kiss will be J but if there is someone else, then thats fine too. Okay so this is how it hopefully goes. Boy: Close your eyes Me: Why??? Boy: Just do it. Me: (closes eyes) Boy: Now tell yourself that you are pretty. Me: I can't. Boy: Just do it! Me: (sighs) Okay fine, I'm pretty. Boy: (kisses me). And that's how I want it tp go :). Well, taht's what happened in the movie. Anyway, I'm not looking forward to sleeping at Is but I have no choice in the matter. I wouldn't mind just going there, but sleeping there... (sigh). I honestly hate sleepovers. Well, I don't have much else to say so I'll just go now...

Well et me start off with Chad's barmi. It wasn't bad. I mean, i spent my time alone most of the time, but it's okay. I guess I had quite a good time. I got called pretty by Jarred Berm. and J spoke to my again... Like a sentece or two. (sigh). I got a hug from Sam, and I spoke to Max and Erin for quite a while. I also had a tiny conversation with Noam. I was speaking to Li-Or for quite a while. And Jayson Raw. spoke to me... Hardly. It wasn't so bad afterwards when Kayla slept over. It wasn't great the next morning though (this morning) because everything was just... awkward. It's okay though. I have come to a realisation that nobody wants to speak to me because I am not enjoyable to speak to. I am really not feeling so happy. On the bright side, I woke up nice and late this morning. (sigh) Anyway, so I got a cool Jimmi Hendrix shirt today. We also went to Big Blue and I saw this really cool shirt, but I didn't ask for it. I really should have. I watched Hawaii Five-O today with my mom and dad, I really enjoyed it. It's quite a good story. I am now talking to Isabel, and she seems to be taking quite a liking to Pink Floyd. This is the thing I really wasn't expecting. I don't like it. Pink Floyd was my obsession, it was something that I was original for. She has now taken that away from me. (sigh) I don't blame her, it is one band that a person is unable to get obsessed with. I just... I just liked being the only one in my grade. I am really feeling depressed. I just... I just want to burst out into tears. I mean... I just can't even explain it. I just hate the fact that of all great bands there are out there, she has to choose Pink Floyd. (sigh).You can't really blame a person for liking good music can you? I guess I'm just affraid that she will learn more about Pink Floyd than I already know. It was mine, something that I could share with my group of friends,a nd she is just going to ruin taht for me. I know, I sound like an idiot. I don't mean to, it's just.. (sigh). Well I am seriously needing the bathroom now, so I best be off... I'm sure you didn't need to know that... Okay I'm gonna go now. Bye.