I went to the shrink today, first time in so long and probably good that I did, seeing as home is pretty unbearable. He wants me to meet with another of his clients who’s a cutter; she’s this fourteen year old girl. He thinks that maybe I can help her that she will find it easier to relate to me. Mm, he also said that he thought I’m pre much cured of the whole cutting thing. So, yeah I’m a bit flattered. It’s true, I don’t feel the urges SO much anymore, I don’t really feel the need to cut, Monday was the last time I even held a blade, but then I didn’t want to use it, except for the urge to cut when I was on the way home and mum was so mad. Seeing him is like going to confession, it’s not too nice but afterwards everything is a lot easier. I am so tired though, I think an early bed, maybe not homework. We had a big chat about J and mum and stuff, he said that he thinks that he’ll talk to her. He wants us to have a family meeting but I aint doing that, it just wouldn’t work. honestly though, he’s so great, he’s such an optimist, pretty much all I have to do, according to him, is make the next six months good, good at school, good with friends and family, then school will be almost over and the future awaits. At the moment, I’m toying with the idea of doing nursing and specializing with psych patients, maybe then with adolescents/young adults. It would be a long time at school, but it seems like an area where I think I could help other people. Lately, I’m ridiculously tired. I think it’s because it’s so emotional tiring at home. I’m trying to sleep more, but it’s hard and still do work. I’m thinking this weekend, that instead of going to Jamie’s, going out for dinner then watching movies at Gee’s sounds SO much nicer, easier less tiring. Friday will be my work day; I’ll make good use of my triple free LULZ Tonight was nice, after school, we went back to Georgie’s with her and Hannah and had a massive girly gossip session. It’s so funny, they’re both obsessed with these guys, so naturally, and we’re making ridiculous plots for them to get them, which of course will work (: Life’s actually looking pretty good, I aced my psch assignment, only one in the class to get 100% got my first A in English and school sort of seems to be going well. And there’s a few really nice gaths that are happening soon, and it’s almost over. I’m going to go for my Ls on Tuesday, and just stay there till I get them. By the end of the year I WILL have my Ps. me, Lehmo and Jimmi are thinking bout moving in together, which would be amazing, I reckon. But what I’m looking forward to the absolute most is spending nights with jay, and lazy weekend mornings in bed with her.

i meant kiss, i didnt even get to kiss you,

that was a nice trick she pulled today and i didn't even get to kidd you but its okay i'm home, i didnt cut, i was barley tempted to i need sleep, but i dont want the nightmares that have started i want her to aaccept you, to at least be civil i want out i think ill lurk on here awhile then watch copius episodes of west wing and when my eyes are hanging out of my head, ill go to bed, hopefully i won't dream.

shes means it this time, shes going to cut off internet acces. i will cry, im almost crying atm i don't know how long i have left on my precious blogs its one of the only ways out, it better not be before i get paid this week, i cant handle that too small house, really i cant um, yeah i have a cramp in my foot from standing up for four hours straight and i dont want to eat at all and i need a hug i just need a hug

i dont want to be here half an hour ago dad put his hand through the microwave i dont want to be here This house holds bad feelings, memories and anger. I don’t want to be here i have no credit, so i cant reply, but would you be able to text me sometimes to make mesmile? anything from you would make me smile, i need that/ your playlist is on repeat i'm tyring to finish this thing but its hard i just dont want to be here. not at all. anywhere but here. please come, sweep me off my feet to a better place

I’m not entirely sure she knows just how beautiful she is, I’m not talking only about that little scar on her cheek, or her webbing piercing, her back dimples, those breasts or the way she looks in jeans Sure, yeah, physically she is fucking gorgeous, But it’s more about the way she bites her lip, how she looks when she closes her eyes and dances, it’s about the way her breath catches when I stroke her stomach, how she smiles when we kiss.

tegan& sara, i can't even use words to explain how much they've been soothing me the last couple of days. so yeah im excited, and i have to say, ridiculously glad that edies not coming, no i have you all to myself (: (: argh. i'm sick,and that indo actually killed me, im kinda more scared now than before, but whateverrrrrr ums yeah. well. the past few days i've had so much to write, but now the moments passed etc etc, i really can't stop dreaming about our future together. i reallreally want it to happen (: (:

it sucks. i have this assignment due, and its just so hard after feelign so horrible today and then we went out with hannah wihcih was nice, until i never noticedd how much celllulite i have, its disgusting but i found a beautiful shirt, and she bought it for me, b though when i got home, i realised the lasy in the shop had given me the wrong size, the bag said xs but it was xxs and its just a little too small. do you see a pattern here? as soon as there's something to smile bout it just gets cut down, im home alone now, but for how long? i need to do this philosophy work, but i really dont give a fuckabout intergenerational justic today, i really just want to lie in the bath with you, nice and warm and worry free until the sadness is washed out of me

coz one day im gonna punch you out seriously. i will. and i think i'm going to throw up. and i never do. and shes sick. esp? whatever. just .;dsfcalkckdc lfd

baby i ahvent been writing fucking tumblr eyyyy ;p but yeah is a nice dayyyy and its formal and im spending the night with the best girlfriend ever and all the little shitty hiccups in the past couple of days seem ohso insignficant yeah i should get in the shower, i gotta go gt my hair done, LULZ