had to go into school today to do my final gcse! french reading and writing at 9:15am. went pretty well tbh. got home and dyed my hair but it didn't come out too good so i went into town, met tasha, bought a wee black vest top to wear under my hadouken! t-shirt and more pink dye then got home and dyed it again :D i rly want to go to electric picnic - conor oberst & hadouken! i rly want to get i.d. - so i can see hadouken! at the stiff kitten on august 30th. i rly want nike dunks - but i can't find neon ones anywhere :( zoo tomorrow, should be classss :D

done my physics gcse today. was by far the hardest one yet! french tomorrow - last exam! so happy. dying my hair pink after :D then town with tashaaa. jess might be going too and annette might be meeting us :] my phone broke! i'm so upset. i'm using a wee shitty one. all my wee messages and all were in it :( i asked my daddy to get me a samsung f210 though :D my hadouken! t-shirt came today. it's quite low-cut so i needa buy a wee black vest top tomorrow to wear with it. i rly wanna buy a wee black pvc skirt too to wear with my leopard print leggings. need to see how much they are in ripoff...

went and bought my hair dye today. there was only 2 left in the shop so hopefully they'll do to cover my whole head. my period came today. i'm honestly a little upset. i didn't rly want it to come. oh well. texted kris about it. i didn't get the whole "extremely happy" text back. eugh. i don't even know. why am i like this? i couldn't have a kid.

i got up at 8 o'clock to leave eva to the bus stop. i was so tired cuz i didn't get to sleep 'til late cuz i was on the phone to oisin 'til like, 3. i didn't wanna go back to sleep so i just got ready and texted tasha then me and her headed into town at like, half 11. we arsed about town for a bit & lay with mike at waterfront in the sun. it was so good. i just wanted to fall asleep. was textin' oisin too and he told me he'd text me at 8ish to lemme know whether he still wanted me to go to his or not and he never even bloody texted me. i wasn't gonna go anyway cuz i can't have sex until my period comes so there'd be no point. this just proves that no good can come from having sex with kris *nods* i kid, i kid. anyway, i got home from town at half 6 and slept until now (9:15pm). kris was texting me about the whole situation. he's told thomas and tracey about it. tracey said that she's so confident that i'm not pregnant that he'll let kris bang her if i am lol and thomas said once we get the all clear they're having a party. part of me wants to be pregnant. =/ kris would kill me if he finds out. annette apparently isn't pregnant anymore? she had a miscarriage? i'll have more on the topic on wednesday :D

i was woken this morning by my parents fighting. i hated when they just weren't talking but it's far worse when they fight. apparently, my mum had lifted my dad's blanket & pillow and threw them into my dad's room, knocking over everything. so my dad called her something and she started slabbering back so he like, grabbed her by the throat. i was making myself sweet & sour chicken and my mum sat down and went "skivy". then i buttered myself 2 rounds of bread and left them sitting on the chopping board until my food was ready. i walked back into the kitchen and saw her lift my pieces of bread and put them back into the bread packet and she said "get your own bread" so i said "what are you talking about? that's daddy's bread" and she said "i bought this last friday" blahblah but it clearly was my daddy's bread. then i just lifted my sweet & sour chicken and went to my room. then i heard shouting and banging and smashing then a door slam so i went into the living room and saw glass everywhere. walked into the kitchen and i saw my dad shaking. he told me that she grabbed him and tried to dig her nails and everything into him then tried to get the big butcher knife at the back of the cabinet. then he pushed her off and she picked up a picture of eva in a glass frame in the living room and smashed it. i got the brush and me and my daddy started to brush up the glass. my mum came out of her room and tried to come in the living room door but my dad held it shut but he wasn't rly strong enough so i helped. then she pulled off the fucking door handle and tried to smash the glass in the door! my dad went outside to throw some of the glass out and she opened the door and said something just as my dad was walking back in and i just cracked and went "fuck off!" and slammed the door on her and she went into her room. i started shaking and almost crying and everything. i also felt rly odd because i've never sworn in front of any of my parents before but my dad just started laughing and said that he was happy that i was sticking up for him. i can't take this anymore. i've been dealing with this since i was 4 years old. she tried to stab him before and everything. i have to go out tomorrow too. part of me doesn't want to because i'm scared i won't be able to get back into the house... i've been so angry with my mum today then she's only after coming in crying and huggng me, telling me that she's sorry so i told her that i was sorry too. she said "there's no way out of this" and then said "make sure eva's looked after" then i said "why? where are you going?" and she just looked at me and left my room. oisin rang me at 1:35am but then his phone died at 2:39am :( i love phonecalls with him. haven't spoken to him in donkeys. him - "are you seeing anyone at the minute?" me - "nope" him - "so that means i can get into you whenever i want?" me - "aye, why not?" him - "last time i saw you, you had a lovely rack, now its even lovelier. you've gotten rly fit" him - "i'm gonna come into town in a taxi n pick you up n take you back to mine" he's brilliant.

had a wee relaxing day today. woke up at about half 11 and just arsed about on the computer and half-tidied my room haha. watched some 'friends' and had a wee chat on the phone with anto robertson (: still in my predicament. i'm getting stomach cramps though. hopefully that means my period will be here soon :D

i had an appointment for my optician today at 1 so i told tasha that i'd call for her at 12. i knew i'd be on time to call because my optician is greaaaat. called over at 12 and no-one answered so i rang tasha's phone 3 times and when she answered i asked where she was and told her that i was at her door. i'd woken her up. so i had to wait on her getting ready so i was 15 mins late for my appointment, which isn't too bad. i didn't even get the sexy optician. ragin'! apparently my left eye has gotten worse so i've to get new glasses. i want new frames but hardly any suit the shape of my face and the one's i currently have but in a different colour are discontinued so on tuesday they'll have more glasses in so i'mma go down and have a look. met up with annette, naomi and nichola then karl joined us. annette got annoyed because karl was there and he knew something was wrong with annette and obviously she doesn't want him to find out. they ended up going home early. me and tasha met up with leigh and deborah and went to copperfields for a pint. well, i didn't because i'd spent all my money on underwear lol. then we dandered about just me, tasha and leigh then me and tasha decided to go up to lenadoon for a bit. loads of people were there and i told lauren about my current problem. she was like ":O scandal!" then sean-paul came up and went "i had a nightmare last night that you were pregnant" tears actually filled my eyes. i honestly thought i was gonna cry. had a wee chat with lulu before we left which was good because we never rly talk. i told that sometimes she got the feeling that she didn't like me and she said that she thought that i didn't like her because of the whole kirstie and dean thing but i told her she was being silly so it's all cooooool (: me and tasha went to my house and watched jumpstyle videos on youtube. i rly wanna learn how to jump! apparently my aunt maggie's tumour is deadly and no-one lives past 5 years. holy shit. she has small-cell lung cancer. i told my mum that i wrote about maggie in my english gcse because you had to write about someone who had been a positive influence on your life. she was all surprised and said "aw, i have to tell her!" i feel odd. i haven't been hungry for about 4 days and anytime i do eat, i get stomach cramps. i'm a bit bloated and i have absolutely no energy. i know i shouldn't be worrying but i just don't know what to do. my period better hurry up and come!

oisin texted me this morning "when you gettin your wet cunt to my house?" creep. told jessica and annette about my situation and we decided to go to brook after school which was lucky because it didn't open until half 5. the whole way through my chemistry and english tests i was thinking about it. i couldn't concentrate. kris texted me this morning saying he hardly got any sleep last night. bless. went down to brook and registered. the nurse was asking all the questions about kris n stuff lol. then i asked for flavoured and normal condoms (: the doctor then called me up and spoke to me about my medical history. both of them told me that it's a good thing that i went down within the first 24 hours because it's most effective then. she took my weight (8st9, which i was rly upset about), my height (5ft4) and my blood pressure *(which was normal). my bmi is 21 so i'm healthy :) she was all "well, you shouldn't have sex without a condom. i sound like my mum but, it's true!" she was rly nice. she asked at what age i had my first period (13), what age i lost my virginity (15) and when my last period was and i told her that it was around the 19th of may. she said that the morning after pill can either make your period early, on time or late and obviously, if it's late i'll panic but she said to leave it a few weeks and if it hasn't come by the 2nd week of july to go down and take a pregnancy test because it's only 84% effective. she gave me a leaflet in case tonight i find that i've had an allergic reaction so that my parents know that that's what i've taken. imagine they found out; they'd kill me. i'm also not allowed to have sex (even with a condom) until my period comes. that doesn't even bother me. i just wanna be sure that i'm not pregnant. i persuaded annette to take a pregnancy test. turns out she's pregnant. me and jess were speechless. she seemed a bit teary but she soon cheered up and she wants to have the baby. she just doesn't know how she's gonna tell her mum. she doesn't wanna tell stephen. she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the baby. i'm pretty freaked out at the minute. if i end up pregnant...holy shit. on a lighter note, sexy optician tomorrow :D i haven't eaten anything today. i had a 99p box of popcorn chicken (which contains 10) at lunch and i'm not even hungry. what the hell's wrong with me? this isn't like me... kris rang me and asked if i was okay. i explained everything to him and he hung up on me. then i texted him and we sorted it out after a while. i cried and everything. i felt so awful.

wow. fifty entries already. had geography and french listening today. the geography paper was easier than the first one and the french was simple. went up to kris's house. brought my friends boxset up but it wouldn't bloody work in his laptop so we just watched the rest of deuce bigalow. thomas came round too. those two make me laugh so much. anyway, after thomas left me & kris just lay in his bed. kris said that when he's with me he gets tired. i took it offensively but he just meant that because he's so comfortable around me that when we're just lying together he's all relaxed. bless lol. as always, it led to something stupid and he said "i have no condoms" so...we done something stupid. we didn't go the whole way through with it because to be honest, it was painful for the both of us. but yeah. he got all worried after and was fully shaking and held his hands out and said "promise me one thing?" so i took his hands and nodded and he said "get the morning after pill tomorrow" so i said i would. i stole his jumper off him but he took it back :( i told him i was stealing next time i was up; i love it. i'm gonna get jess to go into town with me between our exams then i gotta text kris. he promised that if i went down he'd come to my house some time and watch friends with me :D currently talking to oisin on msn for the first time in ages. he's still a creep lol :- Oisín: Dave the drummer FUCKING RIGHT says: awwwk where you thinkin about me the other day ;) Oisín: Dave the drummer FUCKING RIGHT says: you can bounce all over me if you want, i dont mindd :) Oisín: Dave the drummer FUCKING RIGHT says: here see just outve curiousity, would you let me snort lines of coke/ketamine from between your tits becca || i crave the things that others just regret. like drunken, flirty texts & shaggin' in the rain. [16/21] says: aye why not Oisín: Dave the drummer FUCKING RIGHT says: really? becca || i crave the things that others just regret. like drunken, flirty texts & shaggin' in the rain. [16/21] says: aye, why not? lol Oisín: Dave the drummer FUCKING RIGHT says: awesome, im so hot for you right now because of that LOL.

had my first english paper today. i thought it was pretty easy. i enjoy english anyway. i have my second geography paper tomorrow. i need to studdddddy. might go to subway tomorrow and get the sub of the day. it's turkey. hopefully it's nice. anyway, saw ash today for the first time in ages. then she rang me at about 10pm to tell me that apparently stephen was arrested for molesting a 3 year old! wtf! i don't think he done it. it all started because the neighbours hate tricia and the family because apparently they're "too loud". anyway, stephen's been released because they couldn't find any evidence and is living with his uncle on the falls road and tricia and the rest of the kids are in emergency accomodation in crumlin with no food, no money, no phone and none of their belongings. the neighbours put all their windows through and there's a...liquid all inside the house. tricia has annette's mums new rocks in her house (which she's had for 11 years) and annette's playstation and paddy's knife. karl, mervyn and paddy all went round to break in the back door (because all the neighbours are out in the street, livid) to get them because tricia needs her stuff and also, if paddy's fingerprints are found on the knife he's fucked. i cannot believe the stephen thing. i mean, he has a 3 year old sister! but still, i don't know him that well. no-one does. not even his own mum. for all we know, he could have done it? but if he hasn't...imagine how he feels. they're all provies and looking to cut tricia's throat. it's unbelieveable. tracey's worried because some of them know where her house is and know tricia is there most of the time. they could easily come 'round and start something. and the fact that the kids would be there doesn't matter, they'd do anything to get to tricia. tricia even ripped the necklace she always wears off and tore up all her wiccan books. ash is gonna ring paddy later to see if he's okay. fingers crossed.