A TOPLESS 20-SUMTHING YEAR OLD JUST WALKED INTO MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (theyre moving one of our tv's up stairs and hooking up the new one down stairs) IM IN HEAVEN p.s. lets not tell ben k thanks bye

at last!!!!! YAY! i can finally use my computer! (i didnt have ne internet there). trip was pretty much a giant yawn. i hate not being able to choose my own religion. i mean for _christs sake_ IM 15 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! i think that justifies me as being old enough to make up my own mind about religion. i mean, i know that there mite be sum1 "up there^" but as far as im concerned, we dont know who it is. therefore, we can not base a religion off of him and his "son". i mean for _gods sake_ how can a non-existant figure have a son! from a virgin none the less!?. anyhow, im supposed to be getting confirmed in january, which, in the catholic church means, i am an adult. AN ADULT! and arent adults supposed to make their own decisions?! YES! but no fucking "adult" is going to listen to that. so instead, i have to do about 20 hours of "prep" work with my sponsor to "prepare" for this. (im gonna ask my friend who was confirmed last year if she still has her work). i meant, _jesus christ_, i have to write about how, when, and where i like to pray! i dont pray. i never have, i never will. i have found that praying doesnt do shit for anybody. if it did, then why the divorce? why the cancer (twice), why the thyroid cancer? why the skin cancer? (all from my family) i mean for petes sake if there was a "god" why would he put people and their families through sooooo much hell and torture!?!?!??!?!. thts my rant enjoy

in nj til friday. for those of u who have my number, feel free to call meeee

i am one giant mosquito bite! they itch sooooooooo much. anyhow... plzzzzz plzzzz plzzzzzzz dont worry, it was ONCE. i dont know if i'll do it again. i havent felt the need to. i talked to linds about it. she said shes been there, done that, and she gets it. but idk. it just felt so gud to be *_in control_*. just, idk. nothing else rly k thanks bye

i know what i did yesterday was wrong. the proof is almost gone (besides these entries) but it still felt so good. and i know i'll prolly do it again and again and regret it every time but fuck it. whats one more thing that i regret added to the list????? anywho today is lindseys 16th bday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! party

when i know how bad it is????? rly. they shouldnt confuse people like this. I cant take her anymore. shes driving fucking *insane* and she doesnt fucking realize it. She yells at me for walking all over her, so then i told her that that doesnt give her the right to walk all over me. so she left, i ran into the bathroom, and locked my self in there and cried. then i found a tape dispenser with the sharp edges. shes literally driving me insane, and she doesnt even realize it. sucks to be her, thats for sure it felt sooooooooooooo good just to feel the physical pain, instead of just the emotional pain that she keeps inflicting on me. it just felt so good. and it still does

i fucking hate my mother. she is the biggest bitch to ever walk to earth! "u can walk. why shdu i do nething for you? what are u going to do for me? im finally putting my foot down" yeah. thts what she said when i asked her if she cud take me like 2 miles to go play tennis. no fucking way am i walking. its 90 degrees and up hill. who the fuck does she think she is?????? biggest fucktard ever

Kellie im glad u kissed me Ben oh, well, i rly wanted 2, but i felt weird with my mom there yea, i was glad 2 (: Kellie haha. yeah. tht wud have been awkward. lol. =D Ben lol, yea, that would have spurred...lol, idk it wouldnt end by my mom Kellie lol. then next time we'll just go where they cant see us ;) Ben lol, ok :)

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgOMfuckingG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokokokok soooooo today ben and i went to the movies and the mall, and when he walked me to my door, we hugged and then wait for it HE KISSED ME yup. on the cheek, but hey, its a lot of improvement from where we were 2 months ago. im proud of him oh well thts it for now

Those blood shot eyes They tell the story of her existence The story of all the pain and sorrow And how little happiness she’s experienced The tear stained pillows Are the reminders that she’s living in hell That nothing ever works out That she’s the reason for everyone’s problems The constant need for physical pain To cover up the emotional Are the signs that no one picks up on Even though they’re right there in front of their eyes Eventually the signs will disappear Eventually there has to be a high Of either life Or death