flynnke13's Journal

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  • i jsut realized something

    by flynnke13 on December 30, 2008
    i was rereading some of my journals, remenising if you will, and i jsut realized how bitchy i sound. i mean, every last thing in there is true, but idk, just w/e. anyhow, back to what i was going to write about. i miss the way life used to be. I miss not having a care in the world, when the latest gossip was "who got braces" not "did you hear who slept with who?". Life just gets more petty as it goes on. The older you get, the more stress you get and the more you wish you could go back to being a "teenager", as some people say, and yet, i would never ever wish to go back to this time in my life. I never want to relive any day from the past 6 years. I shouldnt. I wouldnt. I couldnt. could i?
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  • fuck off already

    by flynnke13 on December 20, 2008
    i am so fucking sick of everything. the drama, the fighting, and just life in general. everything seems to be irritating me lately and im getting really annoyed with it (see?) and i just dont know what to do. i know i shouldnt do anything drastic but sometimes i cant help it. like the other night. i know that what i did was wrong. believe me i know, but it felt so god damn good that i've done it again. i feel so ashamed of it because i see how its fucked up other peoples lives and just, idk. im getting pissed at everyone. My dad yelled at me for eating a bowl of cereal and i almost flipped and screamed "WTF shannon is allowed ot drink cocoa, and u can eat chips, and yet i cant have a fucking bowl of Life cereal?!" like honestly. im just so annoyed with everyone and i feel like im pushing people away and i dont knwo what to do about it or how to deal with it because inside, its tearing me up. im falling apart more and more at the seams each day and its scary. its scaring the shit out of me, and if i come totaly undone, what will become of me then? what will i become?
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  • i have fucked up before

    by flynnke13 on December 18, 2008
    but never this many times in one day. i cant take it. i cry every night. i take pills, and i do stuff that i never thought i would let myself do. I dont eat at school. Instead i come home and stuff my face for hours. and then i dont eat again until the next afternoon. I dont eat breakfast, i hardly eat dinner except when im at my dads cuz he yells when i dont. and just idk. my leg has scars. my hands have scars. my heart is scarred. but theres not a god damned thing i can do about it. I can't keep living this nightmare thats supposed to be my life. its not working. i just keep wishing that i'll wake up and everything will be back to the way it was when i was 5,6,7 years old. when life wasnt so god damned complicated and i could actually be happy for the next day, week, month to come. now i just dont want to wake up. all i want to do is sleep. i really have no interest in seeing or talking to friends but i do anyways, just so my parents dont catch on. i just dont know what to do. my dad keeps talking about my room and how messy it is (at my moms house). but i just want to say to him "you gave up the right to critize my cleanliness when you moved out" but i dont because i know that would break his heart. i cant do that to him. i cant lose both my parents. i cant let that happen. i cant lose him too. i dont take pride in anything anymore. my grades are slipping. im more aggitated and easily angered, and i feel like im pushing people away and i dont want to. i dont mean too. i cant lose them too.
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  • fuck

    by flynnke13 on November 29, 2008
    i feel like such a bitch. my boyfriend is jealous of me and my friend. we flirt with each other. big deal. i love my boyfriend adn i only like *d as a friend. thats it. Ben says hes jealous and protective but thats just his nature and not to worry about it but how the hell am i not suppsoed to worry about it. i dont want him to be jealous but i dont want to end my friendship with *d because of it. i just dont know what to do and i feel like a complete bitch.
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  • back down the same path that i tried so hard to get off of

    by flynnke13 on November 27, 2008

    this thanksgiving will be the first holiday i havent spent with my dad. when we got out of the car, he was crying. shannon went upstairs and cried. i got on the computer and cried. then my mom decided that we need to be hurting more because she was hurting

     w/e. im done with this place. i've had it

     

     

    why is everyone growing up and making mistakes? if these are supposed to be the best years of our life, i dont want to live to be past 18

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  • fucking piss off

    by flynnke13 on November 16, 2008

    im so sick and tired of people butting in and making assumptions and comments abotu things they know NOTHING about. fucking butt out of my relationship. you dont know anything about it and why some things happen. im so tired of always having to defend him. everyone is always tooling on him and our relationship b/c its "funny". well haha. too bad im not actually laughing and neither is he. its so immature and annoying and you should all fucking grow up already. we're in friggin high school. grow up!

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    im so afraid. i think i might need surgery again. i cried myself to sleep the week before i had the first one. i dont want to have it again. i cant handle it.

    im going to wait a week. if it doesnt go away, i'll have to go to the doctors to have it checked out, but it looks just the way the first one did. im really scared. i cant go through this again. not now. not ever

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  • ugh =\

    by flynnke13 on November 05, 2008

    im not sure what i want anymore.

    im not sure if im happy with what i've got

     i dont think anyone wants me around.

    let alone here, with them

    this wasnt how my life was supposed to go

    this wasnt how it was supposed to end

    and im so tired of holding on to sumthing i dont give a damn about

    im so tired of being nice to people who dont want me around

     im just so tired, so im gonna take an eternal nap

     

     

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  • fucking bastard

    by flynnke13 on October 30, 2008
    how the fuck can u plagiarize urself?????? like its not fucking possible. Mrs Manning is a fucking cunt. im now probably failing Chem b/c she had to give me a 72% on a project b/c i plagiarized MY OWN FUCKING WORK not sum1 else but my own my words my paper fucking ass whole
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  • great fucking night

    by flynnke13 on September 29, 2008
    NOT so lets see. my mothers life is pathetic. she takes her sorry little ass whole life out on me, because im actually happy for once which apparently isnt allowed. she starts bitching and screaming about how i dont respect her and all this other shit so i go upstairs and close the door. and i started hyperventillating. a panic attack i think. and it was rly rly rly scary. i cud barely breathe for 20 min. and i'd be damned if i went in to go get her help. if anything i'd go in just to rub it in her face. that fucking bitch is jsut asking for me to kill her. shes begging for it. legit. i cant take it anymore i just cant take it
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  • boo!

    by flynnke13 on September 21, 2008
    wellllll its been a while soo yeah basically pretty much cuz thats how we roll yeah. so i guess chinese food is funny...haha so yeah thats it pCe
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