im writing in this one again. idc abotu the other one. so how come this always happens? everytime school starts, i get depressed. not just like "oh i feel sad" but like "i dont wanna do anything, talk to anyone, go anywhere..." kind of depressed? and its usually triggered by someone. used to be my mom, but this its not her, its actually ben. hes fucking jelous! of dan! come one! i mean i know every one has insecurites, some more than others, but for him to be jelous, i dont get. i love him. not dan. im just friends with dan. thats all. nothing else. i mean, for christs sake! hes going out with one of my best friends! and its not like bens jelous of eric, whom i also tell everything. its just dan... like yesterday. i waited for him outside his classroom. he didnt come. so dan and i kept walking, then poof! there he is. dan says he glared at him. i thot dan and ben were friends. i guess guys can be just as petty as girls sometimes....

i cant write certain stuff in here b/c its about certain people who i know will read it. so nething not important will go into this jrnl. otherwise. gudluck finding the other one bye

my cousins off to boot camp and the war on weds. fuck

gone til the 17th. off to the shore. byee

o.m.g!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am soooooo inlove. its not funny hes soooooooo sweet and caring and considerate. so we went to see X Files today and it was in the last scene where they kiss and he looked at me and said "do u..." but i didnt let him finish. i just kissed him it didnt last long AT ALL but it was just OMG idek!. and the entire time during the movie he was stroking my arm and his face was right next to mine and he smelt soooooooo good. haha. thts all pCe

Ben hey, i can't really apologize. I really wanted to say good bye, I was going to kiss you...idk...I was in a hurry 2 get back, iw as worried my mom would like ground me.I turned around Iw as going to go back, but i wasn't sure what to do... It's totally lame, I don't think i'd be ok with it, but its true. i should have just done it earlier, but it was impossible with dan, etc.. doing ,w/e... Idk what to say, im sorry.

im so sick and tired of just waiting. just. fucking. waiting. thats all i do. i mean. he is my first bf. my first love. but its been 7 fucking months. MONTHS! not days. not hours. not minutes. MONTHS! and he hasnt even kissed me yet. i still believe that relationships arent all about the physical stuff, but come one. i want my first kiss. tonite, at the end of the party, i got up to go hug him goodbye, but u know what??? HE DIDNT EVEN SAY GOODBYE! he just walked out the door. just one large foot in front of the other. fuck this. fuck all of this.

xohaleyxo1992: kiss kellie =] thearcher132: ok thearcher132: ive been wantuing 2m just never felt right thearcher132: haha, + i got a random call from taylor i guess about it... xohaleyxo1992: haha xohaleyxo1992: not my fault lol xohaleyxo1992: but there couldnt b a wrong time to kiss ur gf haha thearcher132: lol, no

ok. i know that this is going to sound bitchy, but i dont fucking care. it needs to be said. now u can either: A) act upon it B) talk to me about it C) ignore it or u mite not even read it, but w/e ok here goes Dear _______, What has happened? to you? to us? to everything. its like we dont even know each other anymore. Everytime i ask you to do something or go somewhere its always "oh, i cant, im too tired" or "sry. i have to work". AND THEN U HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO SAY THAT WE DONT GET TO HANG OUT ANYMORE! give me a break. if u wanted to hang out, u wud make the time. but instead ur too busy hanging out with someone who u've said ur done with many times before. i mean, are u shitting me? are u for real? i just dont get it, and i find it extremly immature. i make the time for you, but apparently i dont mean enough to you, for u to take the time out of ur busy schedule to see. so fine. im done asking. if u want to do sumthing, ask me b/c im not asking you anymore. I'm thru. Next. How self-conceded could someone possibly be??????? When i need someone to talk to, i come to you. but ur always too busy talking about urself to even listen. so i've stopped trying. and you say you're there for me. that i can come to you with anything. once again...are u shitting me? (Im not the only one who thinks this) Next. Does it really give you so much pleasure hurting someone over a secret??? Because it seems that way to me. U say you cant trust me, yet, when have i ever, EVER betrayed your trust. NOT ONCE. so what did i do? because i honestly dont know. but u sure as hell seem to get a lot of joy out of hurting other people, because you do it a lot. 10:53 PM Everything has to always be about you. u cant take one fucking min out of your day to comfort someone or to listen to someone unless theyre extremly depressed because it makes u feel better. and not to mention, THOSE PEOPLE ARENT EVEN UR FUCKING FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! u dont listen to ur "friends". and to be honest, ur pushing some of us away. but hey, if thats what u wanna do, then by all means, go ahead and keep pushing. Thats it. Im done. pCe

going to be enough?!?!?!??!?!?!?! seriously i get it. ur mad ur disappointed but do u have to go and tell each and every one of ur friends that??!?!?!?! and make me out to be this horrible person when you dont even know the kind of emotional pain that you have caused not only me but everyone else?????