what's uuuuup negroes. i'm here, and i'm awake, so yay. i have to clean up this room and my room, cause that shit is messsssyyyyy. anyways, on to better things, i've been into hip hop so much lately, not the ' i wanna fuck u coz u so hot lemme tap that pussy wit ma cock' (except Ludacris

i'm home now. and borredddedededed. i'm gonna go paint a fence with my boo later. hahaha. maybe that's not such a good idea though, 'cause last time we worked together, I WAS SPRINKLING THE MULCH CORRECTLY ALTHOUGH HE SAID I WAS DOING IT WRONG AND TRIED TO FIX IT, WHEN THE FAT CANKELED BITCH WE WERE WORKING FOR CAME OUT SHE SAID MY SIDE WAS CORRECT AND HIS WAS WRONG, HA! sorry for yelling. :) anyways, survey!! 1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? haha. uhh. probably my cats. they were eating some random gooey shit on the kitchen floor and i was all, aww hell naw nigga. 2. What kind of car do you drive? the uh, non-existent kind? 3. Have you ever had a garage sale? hahahaha. yeah. making 13 bucks seemed so epic back then.. 4. What color is your iPod? uhm. silver nano. but it has a black protector thingy. 5. What kind of dog do you have? lol, god. i don't know what they are, labs maybe.. but they're black. 6. What's for dinner tonight? cinnamon rolls, i hope. 7. What is the last drink you drank? teaaaaa 8. Last time you were sick? ah fuck prolly awhile ago. my immune system kicks ass. 9. How long is your hair? way too fucking long. like, halfway down my back prolly. ugh. 10. Are you happy right now? i'm not unhappy. i'm just kinda chillin. i feel anxious. 11. What did you say last? out loud? 'I know.' 12. Who came over last? Well, i've been at other people's houses ever since school ended, and i'm home now and steven's coming over, so i guess that counts. 13. Do you drink beer? F no. that's right, that question deserves a capitalized F. 14. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? yes. by a big black lady. sad part is, i believed it until i was like.. 10. 15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? if i had keys it'd prolly be the key part. 16. What is in your pocket? not wearing pants. hahaha. don't feel awkward pls. i sit at the computer in my bra and panties often. 17. Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? school? haha. i should prolly give credentials to Josh tbh. 18. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? Steven or my dad. 19. What DVD is in your DVD player? i dunno. prolly american history X or somethin. 20. What's something fun you did today? uhm. danced in the shower? 21. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? .....cats.....? 22. What are you listening to right now? such great heights - iron and wine 23. What have you had to drink so far today? tea 24. When is your birthday? july 20 25. What's the area code for your cell phone? 636 26. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? hahah. uhm. no shirt. 27. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? no car = no rear view mirror, sadly :( 28. How many states in the U.S. have you been to? ohh man. i dunno. a lot? 29. What are you going to do after this? put some clothes on and fix my hair. 30. What is something you need to go shopping for? bobby pins and shampoo 31. Do you like pickles? yeah boyyyyy 32. How about olives? ewwie cabooie 33. What is your favorite kind of gum? orbit. mmmmmm 34. Do you have any tan lines? lol no. i have like, negative pale lines. 35. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? mrs. lewis i think. 36. Who was the last person to call you baby? steven 37. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout? hahaha depends on what i'm buying. 38. Has anyone ever sang to you? ahahah of course 39. Has anyone ever given you roses? yeah. i don't see why, i'm not really into flowers andthey live for like, a day. it was a cute idea though. 40. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? hahaha. maybe. 41. What is your favorite color? perp 42. What color are your eyes? blue/green 43. What is a compliment you receive way too often? pretty eyes, i guess. but you can't really receive a compliment "way too often" when you look like me :P 44. How tall are you? 5'3". boo. 45. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? my dad.. last night. 46. Do you like your parents? of course

http://www.noisebot.com/images/steaks-lblue.gif LOL. to be honest, i haven't slept in a couple of days, which is insanely ridiculous because that's what my summer usually consists of: sleep. i'm listening to spice girls :D man, i never feel like writing lately. this sucks :(

so, school's out. hell to the motherfuckinnnn yeaaah. i'm going to my sisters today, and i can guarentee i'm gonna be straight fucked up for like 2 weeks nonstop. she's been having troubles lately, so i might move up there to help her out during the summer.. which would be fine, i guess, but it's gonna suck cause i'll have to get another job so we can keep the apartment. and Mexico (where she lives) is tight for a couple of days, but then the longer you stay there, the gayer it gets. i can only imagine how she feels, after being there for almost a year. i need to go for a walk. i'll post more later.

i wanna apologize for that last entry. that's embarassing. i need to stop logging onto here when i'm fucked up. anyways...

high on shugar: if you don't like it, then leave. stop complaining. i got in at 3 this morning and could not sleep for shit. but i was totally at that groggy, weird-ass thoughts mindframe that happens like, right before youre gonna fall asleep. and i have WEIRD ass thoughts, like seriously, when i'm first waking up or juuuust about to fall asleep. but anyways, this morning i was thinking about serial killers for some reason. like, what the fuck man? usually when im thinking all weird n shit like that, i'll remininsce later and be like, what the fuck!?... but i think i made a good point in my head today. ANYWAYS, what i was wondering was, how the fuck could you get a sincere satisfaction out of killing random people? like i mean, if you KNEW someone personally and killed them, i guess i can understand that coz you got that whole "ha-i'm-alive-and-you-ain't" thing going on... but random people? are you kidding me? i mean i know people are fucked up, but i honestly don't think that random-killing serial killers are anything but trying to act out. and this sounds totally weird, lol, i know.. but honestly. think about it. they get fame, and get to show how "fucked up" they are. and everyone wants a piece of that. to show how different they are. some of them even get followers, start a revolution, they get history!! that shit gets documented and they are remembering, regardless of their actions. i mean i guess you have to be fuckedu p to the sense of not caring what derogatory terms are thrown at you, but you did what you did for no goddamn reason. what use is it killing someone you didn't need to? man... this is really hard to explain on here 'cause it makes perfect sense in my head. what i'm trying to get at is: i think i'm losing my mind. gah.

woweeeee, it's been awhile, yessireeee. haha. gay. anyways, i don't really have anything to say, honestly. i can't remember the weekends anymore and the days are running together as i wait (impatiently) for summer to come. 1 day and a half left, yay! my mom and i got into a huuuuge fight saturday night. huuuuge. it was a pity, a tragic catastrophe, really. cause we usually don't talk that much at all anyways, it's a shame we had to spend a full hour screaming our lungs out at each other. apparently i had accidentally broken a number of laws at a party on friday and the cops were called on me, although i was somehow unaware of this. and instead of taking me downtown, or cuffing me, or whatever the fuck they do, they called my mom. as soon as i found out that she was coming to pick me up and was insanely pissed, i threw up. my mom scares the shit out of me, honestly. i'm only "grounded" for a week, though. i don't really know what "grounding" ensues, to be honest. it's never happened before. and she didn't take away my cellphone or cut off my internet access, and hasn't prevented me from going anywhere. so um, i dunno. anyways, important part of the story is that i apologized to her, the cops, and the people i apparently had obliviously disturbed. i also have 6 hours of community service, in which i have to be an official janitor at school tomorrow and a little bit of the day after that. ugh, gay. i think i finally got my class schedule for next year figured out.. i took choir and economics for my electives, and i had a choice of whether to take pre-al or algebra since i was in consumer math this year, and i eagerly snatched pre-algebra. maybe some day i'll make it to geometry, hahaha. ANYWAYS, i'm being totally uninteresting and i think i'm rambling so i'm gonna go. i'll prolly post later since absolutely nothing is going on right now. thanksssss.

i'm cleaning right this very moment. and i had something important to say, but it seems to have slipped my mind. that happens an awful lot. anyways i'll try to post later. if i remember.

goddamn!! these songs, the weather, the walks, the talks, the kisses, the hugs, the swimming, the running, the laughing, the songs, the songs, the music, the bands, the happiness, the anxiousness. the fucking music. it. all. reminds. me. of. summer. oh how i want it.. there's only 12 more days left of school but oh, how that seems an eternity. i watched Clockwork Orange last night. wow.. what an amazing movie. honestly. i know a lot of douchebaggity "emo" kids obsess and obsess over it, but i think that movie is honestly unappreciated. sure you can say you like a movie, but do you get the real meaning? didn't think so, you fucking cockbitches. i want to go for a walk but i'm afraid that the nostalgia will get me. oh, this is totally random, but MY FUCKING LAST NAME IS SPELLED D-I-L-L-O-N. NOT DILLION. IT'S NOT DILL-EE-ON. IT'S DILLON. LIKE DYLAN. D-I-L-L-O-N. FUCKYOU. ah. anyways. as for the last entry, i wish to god i could delete it. i was not embarassed of one entry in this little journal until that one. but i can't bring myself to delete it. i dunno. maybe one day i'll get sick of living this way and read that and be like, that's thuhhh last straw, nigguhhhh. i'm going to go. i'm not sure where or when i'll be back. i may not go anywhere. i may not ever come back. but i'll see you, later. (did you know..) the kid on the crackerjack box is named Robert.

when i get high, i clean. i've been cleaning a lot lately... i just got done with the basement, then i cleaned my shoes and the keyboard. there was a lot of dead skin in the keyboard. so fucking nasty. i'm moving my endless collection of books from the basement to my room now. i think next i'll clean the hallway. this house is a fucking pigsty. i usually clean half-assedly and get distracted halfway through. but not now. i need things to be done. i watched american history X the other day. wow, what an amazing movie. i think the funniest part is how they try to portray that racism is such a bad thing and that black people really aren't that bad, until the end when that little black niggy shoots the kid with a potentially good future. hm, irony. i've yet to watch Fight Club, it's in my room. along with Clockwork Orange and Pulp Fiction. I just bought Requiem for a Dream and Pi, and holy shit. what good movies. I liked Requiem a lot better tbh, since math really isn't my thing. I also watched something called One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.. etc.. I can;t really remember what it's called, but it's about some guy who like, killed people, but then convinced everybody that he was crazy so he went to a mental institution instead of jail. I thought it was badass, since I always thought that if i fucked up and accidentally snapped or something, i could just act insane and get off (kinda) easy. i've noticed lately that i've gotten fucked up way too many times at my young age. to be honest, i dunno if i can say this on this site, hopefully the fuckin FBI isn't on my ass, but I smoke pot almost daily now. it's a ritual. I've done everything from cocaine to mushrooms. you could name a fair amount of drugs and i've probably tried it. but only once, though. i've never never never ever done anything twice except for pot. i have 2 pipes, a bong, and a bullet. the bullet is the newest, it's badaaaaass. except it's so close to my face, i keep burning my bangs. haha. i've smoked out of an empty egg, a soda can, straight up aluminum foil, a spoon... anything i could get my hands on. THAT'S what i'm embarassed about. but i'm not writing this because i'm worried that my life is going down a spiraling spiral of spiraly hell. i'm writing because i'm worried that i'm not worried. i just went in on possibly the biggest drug deal of my life, put 300 bucks in, and i'm chill as fuck. i'm not sweating it at all. i know i won't ever get caught and i know those niggers won't rat me out. i respect people immensly who don't or haven't ever drank or done drugs. "straight edge", i guess. but not FSU, lollll, little fuckin douchebags. if you dont know what FSU is, google it. i'm so very tired. i think i respect them because they are definitely a bigger man than me. they have a backbone and strong morals, obviously, because i fell into peer pressure to start smoking, fucking loved the feeling, haven't slowed down a bit since. that was about two years ago, although i had tried it before with my father, i didn't really understand what i was feeling, and was a bit freaked out. sorry. wow. rambling. anyways.. it's not that i'm ashamed, i'm definitely not. and it's not that i want help, i don't. i could probably stop any time i wanted to. but i don't. and it's not that i'm just trying to look cool. i already know i'm a harrrrrdass, why would i try? i think it's just a stoned rant. i'll probably read this and delete it later. so. if you read this, be lucky, cause youre probably the only one who will see it. i need to go clean loads more. this house is a fucking pigsty.