it's the silent parts that you want to keep, when all the sweetness and all the anger have been absorbed, digested, loved and hated. taken in and let go. it fills you up. there's just no space in your cavities. leaking into the teeny tiny spaces between your lungs and viens, swelling up. just engorging the shit out of you. there's no room for vital habits to continue, but somehow they do. and the parts they move and flow in perfect sequence. no more rust to clog the gears. no more gears even. what was once robotic and rusted to shit... well it isnt any more. that golden light washes and cleanses and shows true nature. true nature. the parts are slathered in liquid so light and soft that it doesn't even touch you. the speed of the transition is both incomprehensibly fast and perfectly sluggish at the same time. leaving you perplexed and wondering just how something can give you such comfort. all the dark is removed and replaced. taken over by gold and green, emmenating from every last pulsating, glistening organ. singing out the very best they can. awe-struck. by the perfection of two perfect pieces running in perfect syncronization. you'll follow me til the end, til the end. you'll swallow me til there's nothing left.

be like snow. be like gold. no, not you bright eyes. well... okay maybe, but just be. in the purest of your forms. and it's so hard to remember to do this. especially when your head's all full of poison and your heart's only pumping out pain, no blood. sheer fucking agony. just pouring out. just like that. but if the air can remember to be golden, then so can i. i have to. i'd eat your heart out but my teeth are sore besides i'm tired of you crawling right back for more cause i usually suffer later from a lack of things to say

i was mary magdelene. jesus was drinking water while i begged judas to drink the illegal wine with me. and he did. and i kept drinking. but it was never enough. i just couldn't drink enough. but i let go. just like a good girl should, and now i can feel it. i really can. it radiates all around me. it's flooding my viens. bringing heat to the surface for once. melting away and eroding and washing me clean. bringing me back. absolved and new. but nothing lasts forever. and soon enough you will breathe out. and forget to breathe me in. and i'm cloaked in air so heavy that i freeze once again. but i don't mind if you don't mind. cycles are designed to trap. how would i escape. so i will wait to come around again. because lord knows i will. lose the key or please don't call me we can be all, we can be all, i said she kissed me dead

you are real. you are truth. you are hurt. but i am real. i am truth. i am hurt. and under those stars, wrapped up in the warmth of arms and words. steam and vapor, misting our eyes. poison and memories, bringing us back. bringing us back. we came back. and we came. i pray it's real. pray it's truth. but i don't pray for harm. never for harm. so please don't. but boys will be boys, and girls have those eyes that will cut you to ribbons sometimes. and all you can do is just wait by the moon and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do.

under those soft lights. cloaked in the heavy air. that was so comfortable, you could fall asleep. it was you and me again. i never want to fucking leave. not since i found you. well that's not true. i didn't find you. you returned. attaching to one is too painful for now. so i will flit from eye to eye. until i depart. and i miss you terribly. i hope it's worth it what's left behind me, yeah i know you'll find your own way when i'm not with you

i'm moving like i don't. like i can't. but these limbs are full of grace. untouched movements. they say it all. swimming in this silk. trying to remain in this world. every painful stride. was made to bring me closer. to bring me closer to you. but there is no you. and that's the hardest part. because who do i turn to. where do i go. i have all these houses. but not a single home. it's okay. i can wait. i am so light. i could always blow away. or roll right off your face. my heart is beating from me i am standing all alone please call me only if you are coming home

there's a growl i can't seem to escape. laying dormant in my throat. open wide, and down the hatch. if you look hard enough, you can see the duality: the wolf waiting to pounce, and the hare beckoning you close. ambivalence is king. residing on that rusty throne. stained with blood of the blind. but you shut their eyes. and lulled them to sleep. before making your move. and annihilating their backs. vulnerable and weak. because you that's how you made them. coaxed them with kindness. not that it matters. because they'll never see. never know. that creature amongst them. a silver tongue and premeditated softness... is all it takes to conquer them. they will all fall. eventually. rocked into their final sleep. without even realizing. those you trust the most, will be the death of you. i just wish i could stop. i need to decide: snake or lamb. being both is too exhausting. take these teeth just for a second i need some fucking relief they're keeping me awake and i can't sleep can you drain the blood i've swallowed so much i think i want to throw up

i just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that says everything is amazing. everything is beautiful. it's telling me everything is okay. and it makes me so happy i could cry. when violet eyes get brighter and heavy wings grow lighter i'll taste the sky and feel alive again

i can feel my spine poking through. the sharp peaks that stretch my skin. and the yellow burn marks gnawing away at my stomach. my pulsating thorax is staggering to keep up. skipping beats just to make time. but when i'm lying in this filth, i think back. remember when i was soft. when i was snow. and then i don't feel so worn. because i was made to rise. i am a phoenix. that's all. sometimes i forget, but it's wonderful when i remember. and in the bathroom is where i want you against the grafiti wall we know no law at all just to see you body in a place so tacky there's no better irony in my own deprevity

this cyclical lifestyle. it's emulating the very concept of existence. a constant pulsing of matter. periods of expansion and collapse. there's a vast wasteland out there. beyond your safe haven of existence. cold. filled with rocks and dust. toxic waves and radiating particles that will rip you apart cell by fucking cell. you clutch your throat, veins straining to hold it together. just hold it together man. gasping to filter whatever oxygen you can. this new atmosphere just ain't cutting it. struggling to stop your blood from freezing. you thought you knew better. could go without a coat. this is no place for a girl like you. or any being for that matter. you can not exist here. so why did you think you could? sold my life to bring the rain, maybe to wash me clean. sold my soul to stop the pain, hoping you'd set me free.