i'm not here anymore. i'm not anywhere. okay.

okay. i understand what's happening. can't stand it. just don't, okay? just stop. you don't get it. why not? you keep asking me why not. because! it's me we're talking about here! how could i? you know i'm not meant for this. my viens are too weak, they won't hold up. you'll bleed me dry. open up my arteries, send cascades of oxidizing iron and abhoration in every direction. just tear and tear and tear. remove the heavy burden of hemoglobin from these capillaries. and once the aneurysym's finished. soon as the hemorrhage dries up... i don't know what will happen. i don't know how to finish that. but you know this, you've seen my knuckles. you've seen this all. and i don't even want to. i don't know. idon'tknowidon'tknowidon'tknow. it's going to end soon though. it's self-preservation. unfortunate as it is. why do i do this. just... get ready okay? lean back when i give the signal. that way... maybe the fall won't hurt so much. On my life I'll try today There’s so much I've felt I should say, but Even if your heart would listen I Doubt I could explain

vermilion, vermilion. can you even comprend those words? please everyone. anyone. someone. ffuckk one. remember those nights, ok? where it is so cold. so fucking cold. when you breathe you can see the air. dripping from your mouth in the prettiest little tendrils. and it twists, and it dances and it makes those patterns. the ones that you could never think of. those whisps of respiration trail and contort and writhe about. and when you breath again. when you pull in that next breath. the cold sears your throat. it fucking burns. do you get it? tilt it back. bend your neck. face the stars and drink it in. you remember it okay? because that cauterization is going to save you. it's worth the world and you know it. you FUCKING do. A song that no one sings The unattainable She's a myth that I have to believe in All I need to make it real is one more reason

i'm out of it. actually no, i'm in it. i'm SO fucking in it. i hardly stand it. i feel myself. everything. is so. fucking strong. acidic decay and burns lining every inch of it. so much struggle pulsating along. i can hear it everytime. i feel it. don't you remember that? i fucking feel it. please don't forget. pleasepleaseplease. but i guess it's not my turn anymore. 'salright, i'm getting used to it. everything repeats itself. that means i was right. it's my job, no one else's. i was right, man. do you understand that? holy fuck that's awesome. now suck it up, woman. it's not your place. all you gotta do is fix it. that's it. Tongue in cheek till a hole burns out her mouth, And fingers crossed like the promise of cub scouts, And we know that the picture in her heart shaped locket, Is far from an inanimate object.

why is this happening? seriously. please be serious just this once. you can't lie to me like that. can'tcan'tcan't. fuck. i'm sharing a soul with at least two other people. and i am shaking. he did last night. he can do it again. liquid ice is surging through my viens. running down my neck. a light drip spanning from just under my jaw. dancing through these narrow inner canals. down my arms and wrists. freezing my body to this place. i can't move. can you hear that in my voice? please tell me it's there. "it's okay as long as there aren't any razor blades there" did you really say that? say that to me to me. this vulnerability is the perfect time buddy boy. it's softening me. i'm willing to slow down. i already have. catch me now okay? i'm letting you. but just for tonight okay? just for right now. just now. okay? I don't think they know that I know how to swim, You're feeling numb, from all that has become, It leaves your gums, slips down your tongue, and travels fast down towards your lungs

i miss the cold mixed with heat. it never warmed you up but you still felt it there. lingering just out of reach. freezing my feet to the floor. every morning. punch me in the stomach. i've forgotten to breathe. thank you.

i'm not meant for dependencies. because we're both a letdown in the end. i'll never speak it and neither will you. if only everyone were as stubborn as we are. there'd be no one left. so... i'm kindof smiling. you're taking me to those falls. or i will seriously hurt you. i don't care how golden that air is. Have I fucked things up again? I'm dreaming, Too much time without you spent

institutions were never a good idea. nope. nevernevernever. leaks of human life spring from the floorboards. and it's sucked dry by those who were never born to begin with. people who drip from the mouth. black. can anyone else see it? please tell me someone else sees those stained lips? i'm not even using retarded metaphors here. i actually see black stains on people's mouths. crazy. artificial lighting stresses me out so very badly. this feeling. it rises in my chest at the cardinal falseness cast around me. what it does to me. it's agonizing. but my agony is a lie. think about other people, woman. fingers tense, skin recoils, blood stops and pulses in irregular intervals. it's like i'm watching a movie of myself. but there are pieces of film cut from the strip. and every so often i jump about. i skip. i pause. i go back. i LEAP forward. my chest rises and falls and pulsates. i can't breathe. who do i think i'm kidding? does anyone breathe? Day 2. Slit her throat on the frying pan, you caught cold and forgot the plan turn the dial on the oven man until the skin has got that even tan

infatuation with my being is making my skin less transparent. you see me. i see me. my skin is dancing. it's been cut to ribbons. it dangles from my body in shreds. and it fucking dances. every movement. causes these skin streamers to sway in the most captivating fashion. and they decorate this vessel in the most alluring way. you only need one in this world. before you lose sight of your trimmings. here we go again tonite i'm underneath the sheets wrapped up tight, it's on one more time for you and me it's on

my world is repeating itself. it's all the same. i release one and obtain another. a newer model. an improvement of the old version. life is all about upgrades after all. but i can actually touch this one. i can feel it in my hands and mouth and not just in my heart. i know you're here. i know you're real. i know you're... i know. i just know now. you're my coincidence. and every coincidence i experience is like a car crash. something feels important and then it comes back again. just like i knew it would. just like i always knew. i feel like i finally understand things. everything does have a purpose. you sounded so frantic. the urgency with which you spoke. it all brought back those memories. but we make love. we don't fuck. there's a difference. my horoscope made sense today. it is 12:20 and far from the end of the day. that is a first. So here I am I'm trying So here I am are you ready