beautiful is as beautiful does. and that was beautiful. the light was so soft. like goose down. all that touching. all that loving. it was even believable. and i love that part the most. the very very most. my loose limbs tangled in your tightened boughs. each touch spreading like rippled gold. warming the sheets and shirts right off the bed. "i could fall in love with you" move let the stars suck you in hold tight, the night's air and breathe again let go and be burnt by the moon your hands full of feeling your true love, believe

you are the replacement. and you removed my veil. with ease. with grace. brought my face to the world. and framed my head, my neck, my shoulders in golden lace. no longer white, but still pure. still rare. still something to covet. you have me wearing sand and rain and smoke. dressings so thin, you think they'd leave me bare. but they cover it all. every piece. you wrap me up. and you ensure i'm safe. right before you pull the trigger. my body is your body i won't tell anybody if you want to use my body go for it, yeah

i don't ask for much. if i bother to ask at all. and usually i'm good. i'm sweet. i brush it off. you never need to worry about me. it's part of my novelty. an added perk, a bonus. but the one time i partake in your generous offer. you disappear. you've removed your body from the sheets. left a void. that's being filled too quickly. because you were the glimmering rays that tore through the darkness. that kept those creatures away. but these strangers aren't leaving. they only grow in numbers. prying and violating, stretching and tearing. and each turn they take... i'm swimming under covers, thread count damaged. i can't return them. they're stained and dark. no longer white. no longer safe. but they're still mine. my blood is the proof. marks it as mine. because the longer you're gone. the longer they stay. the harder they drive. and the swifter i drain. it's a snuff film. and you're the director. you arranged it this way. you left me to wolves. it's a shame when you know when you know this. when you roll your eyes back in your head. fall asleep again and you're wakened. by the sounds of your heart when it's broken.

i can take it in the eye. for the team. for them all. i can take it. i can take it. don't give a shit. don't blink. don't fall. i wrecked my car. and i think i did it on purpose. my subconscious wants me dead. i'm not sure my conscious approves. i want to go to church. and be little again. and feel clean. i don't want to be this dirty. i want to be without sin. but i am full. i can feel the particles of grit and sand and filth. flowing through my bloodstream. i miss my god. i want too much. i want it all. but it's okay. "all i have to do is put myself into the mind of a killer. it was hardly a stretch. ...here's hoping i'm back on my game." all my islands have sunk in the deep, so i can hardly relax or even oversleep i feel as if i were home some nights, when we count all the ship lights i guess i'll never know why sparrows love the snow we'll turn off all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow

there's a battle raging inside me. each feeling, each personality of mine, is it's own tentacle. extending and weaving, fighting every other one. tearing one away only to regrow two in it's place. like a fucking hydra. i'm trapped in a writhing mass of destruction and rebirth. alex pardee is such a good artist. i fucking love him. my hair is so blonde now. and my body is so so thin. painfully thin. but i feel pretty now. gorgeous. and i've been getting lustful stares more often and from more attractive strangers, stroking my enlarging ego. and i'm being told that i'm good, i'm so good. at flicking my tongue, at moving my body, at moaning your name. i drive too fast and i play my music too loud. i want the wind to blow through my golden hair. i need to feel each pound of the base beating through my chest cavity. i fucking love the danger of speeding down an open road. it's a power rush. i have to be in control of this potential chaos. or risk losing the power i've obtained. take it out on me so i can hear your broken heart beating and now you've got me shoved against the wall so that i can feel the heat of your body

i need to remind myself. that i am a liar. don't trust me. don't trust me. don't believe these things. the words that fall from my mouth. that swarm in my head. i'm up so high. swaying from unfamiliar heights. i can't walk. i'm unsteady. clutching the poles to keep from falling. from breaking. but it's so attractive. and what i see is real. it's all there is for me. there's no emotion. it's all lust. it's all hate. and their hollow sockets follow. they're so fucking good at keeping watch. and so fucking good at keeping their distance. but just once. i want them to see. and i want them to touch. and i want them to hold. approach this platform. come closer to this auction stand. please once. i'm asking nicely. please. it is all i have. When we danced, so pristine and knee deep in sin, balls deep in hate, I see your face I see your face and it tears me, tears me up my mouth is full of love, my head is held in shame

i belong to everyone but me. i am what you say i am. that's all i can be. it's my purpose here. to be what you want. i am meant to please. to satisfy. to give. a being of compliance, submitting to whoever calls upon me. i'm not meant for anything more. i am white noise. i am blank pages. i am the static screen. something has snapped. and i am no longer here. what's with the angel and what's with the devil they keep swapping shoulders and i can't tell which from which

someone's being lied to. and the thought makes me sick. more revolted than i can say. but i can not release. i made a promise. i would not. not until the stones are rolled away and merciful light is shed upon us all. and i will honor this. though it feels like a cheat. this offering is too beneficial. hardly self-depriving. but i will stay. and i will carry on with Our Pact. for two reasons. but with every breath the ink moves a little faster. flows a little thicker. and takes over a little quicker. i must stop dwelling on such things. these jet black auras do enough of that for me. all i have is hope my inner burn's not fading i'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day

there's such a strong hold on this beating. so ugly and dark. and full of holes. full of ash. decaying. caving in. aching in need. but under the lies. there is an honesty. it's hidden for preservation. elusive, but still there. and when it's visible. when it emerges. it comes out with hands held high. waving it's flag. the purest white. it pumps. with such strength. trying to prove itself. wanting for someone to take notice. for once. the golden notes it's forcing from it's every part. it's crying out, with gilded sobs. begging and pleading. just listen to me. please. for all i am, for all i sing and all i was i swear i'm yours.

if i've learned anything from this shit... it's you don't sleep. and next thing you know you take over the motherfucking world. and then that world takes over you. that's when you're really fucked.