this life is a difficult thing to live through. especially when the fingers are flying faster than you can think and thoughts are recorded before the words leave your mouth. and the ties come undone, too far too loose. you can't pull the laces tight. not again. you gotta suck it up and invest in a new pair of shoes. well i got a better idea. fuck the shoes. walk barefoot. no ties. these frantic words are leaving adderall laced bloodlines. my extremities are buzzing, shaking as the drugs pulsate through my veins. little death makes life more meaningful? question mark. these chemicals make every letter too important to erase. i'm too frantic for these thoughts. i just want to make something beautiful. with meaning. but hidden in metaphor. and adorned in jeweled syllables. fuck why am i not creative enough for this? for this love of my life. i'm so possessed by this though of attatchment. this idea of obsession. an obsession that isn't thought of as creepy. FUCKSHITGODDAMN. this sufferage. fuck me i'm not voting. ah my words are turning on me. but this is what i need to find something useful. a sentence that will live. that will inspire. that will hurt and that will love. love and be loved. my life has been so strange. i'm in love with this aspect. because the untouchable. the unreachable. the unthinkable. they've contacted me. reached so far down into the puddle of muck and distaste below them. yes they reached down. and they shed their light and brought me to the surface. and i reject this. shun their good graces and spit in their faces. look at me. rhyming. but yes. i shot down my chances. and i laughed at the stars. i wish i could go back. is there hope? i believe so... the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize that two out of three ain't bad, ain't bad

i'm so lost. and you're not here. there's no one around to show me. i need a flashlight. that's so pathetic. but lives are so easily broken. bent and distorted. treated as playthings. wait lives have meaning? who the fuck ever told you that? they were probably baked out of their mind, darling. now run along and kill yourself. that's what you fucking want. that's what you fucking do. you beat yourself silly and expect me to be the savior. to change everything about myself. when you don't even... okay. to you promises aren't real. they're words to hide me behind. so i'll go away. i'm flitting through rays of light. captured by their warm embrace. softness and lovely ribbons of incandescence. and i'll wrap myself in the transparent sheets, and i will hide for you. hit me like a ray of sun burning through my darkest night you're the only one that i want think i'm addicted to your light

i'd like to start off with this: http://www.songmeanings.net/journals/view/17292640/ that's a different me. the brave me. the one who doesn't mask her life in metaphors, or distort the words until they don't even make sense. i try to be simple there. i try to be honest. to be sincere. to be. anyways. i don't know how i feel this. i'm so light. i'm in the light. and it bubbles up from within me. spilling over and bathing me in warmth. bending the air and wrapping myself in it's embrace. and when everything is falling from your mouth. cascading in waves you can't control. there is no power. no dominance. no threat. because i'm a radiator. and when you touch me, you turn to ash. dirty-ing my hand. until i blow you all away. If there's a scream inside of you Just let it go You're beating yourself up baby Don't you know

the milk’s been left out again. and you made it my fault. even though i warned you. i did. i swear i did. my viens are settling into a coma. becoming everything they never were. i can’t stand this. i have to go back. there’s not an option here. not for me. because you’ve got hold of the riens now. i’m so pathetic here. if i could i'd dance along these currents. breathe in electricity and emanate light. from these fingertips. that used to trace your words and thumbs. now they send pulses of incandescence. golden cascades of energy. donations of myself. but i can't do any of that. not now at least. If I had my way I'd cut the calluses Off your breaking heart If I could get past the sternum Cauterize those wounds with every kiss I could give to you

anger is easily mistaken for affection. and actions are made in attempt to silence the hurt. dripping from every pore, each movement takes you further down. in each step. your skin is on fire. alight with power. fed by the envy and the greed of those around you. their lust. because you are a vice. not meant to be held. only touched. then released. and hopefully forgotten. retention of any sort... must be denied. you're not meant for this. you're a creature of a different level. don't sink below. at least not unless the effort's there. and we are in a standstill. beings of equal caliber. inventions of the dark. fallen. but shining. we'll lure each other out soon enough. but the question is who will fold first? if it takes away the pain it's all right we're livin' so hard you might not make it through the night follow the bright lights they might change you

i'm rooted to this place i can't feel.stuck. trapped. locked in this tangled web of viens.and i'm the destroyer. sorrow is not a word.no feeling.non-existant.just turn into a wolf. i promise it won't be as bad. please just back away.stay out.leave.i can't break. i can't. don't. just burn. just burn.i told you to remember. but since when do you remember what i tell you. why did you stop?   Staring at the carnage, praying that the sun will never rise.
Living another day in disguise.
These feelings cant be right, lend me your courage to stand up and fight  

all the grace you never had.all the beauty you never felt.all the possiblities that never stood a chance.  fuck never, it's all happening.and it's happening now.because it's called power, baby. and i've got it. you don't. not anymore. the feel of dominance courses through it all.tearing down all the insecurities.flooding over the problems and the inabilities.all pity disappears. because you just lost. and this is the most sincere smile i've ever worn.i don't even care that you can see the hostility dripping from my lips.because i'm radiating.feel the control. i'm emanating supremecy.soak it up. there's nothing else you can do.    sometimes i wonder
why I'm still waiting
sometimes I'm shaking
but thats how you make me

i'm praying that i get one. just one. one. those scavengers, those predatory beasts get everything else. but i just want to keep one. maybe you'll understand that. we're the same. and i know it's not my decision. and i know i can't make you stop. and i know that you won't. but maybe... maybe once you can change. reciprocation would be awesome. but it's okay. i'm not expecting it. don't you worry. i don't expect anything. because if there aren't any expectations, it's impossible to be disappointed. So look at me now The spark in my eyes is gone, somehow I wish I could stand up and turn around And let you see my eyes They'd be the same brown eyes

i can't stay still. i'm all water and light. shaking and snug. i'm dancing through golden ribbons. and for the first time i've earned a halo. me. i have one. crazy. and you. i know what you are. and it is alright. and i'm just gonna let go. slink and spin. just keep sinking until you have me. swallow every piece. and i did the impossible. didn't know i could. but i did it. and accomplishing that broke me. and then you won. goodness gracious. you got me to do it. how do you do this? this was never me. and now... well now it is. And when I wake up, I realize that everything's still wrong I'm still here and you're still gone It's not fair 'Cause either way I spin it, Separation seems so wrong These breaks are far too long for me

grip everything. hold it so tight. so fucking tight. just clutch it until everything is bound to those knuckles. anything there is. trapped in the palm of your hand. forming compact little clutches of fingers and flames. fuck your anguished cries. be silent. and concentrate. put it all into those two shaking extremities before you. and then... and then release on impact. it's bone vs cement now. relief floods over everything. running down clenched fists, slinking across aching wrists. dripping along taut fingers. oxidation is the key to any sense of clemency. but you already knew this. hate isn't even a word compared to this. So I say thank you for the scars And the guilt and the pain Every tear I've never cried has sealed your fucking fate