the parents found the facebook- so now i'm leaving the SM and the Gmail and the Glogster. Sorry, all. be back in two years, i promise. have to move out before i come back for good. Imogen- special apology to you- I'm gonna miss you terribly but i don't know if i can really tell my parents that i've been talking to a new zealander that i've never met. i'll contact as i can but it won't be much. i hope you can forgive me for it. if you want to stay in touch that would be fantastic, but i'm not sure how to manage it. in two years i'll be free of the rents, but that's a long time to wait. i'm sorry =[ miss you already. so goodbye, everyone. so long and goodnight.

apologies for the brief stint on private. just a misunderstanding. party was last night, and it was indeed a bash. very fun, i think everyone enjoyed it. i didn't really talk to anyone, but that's all right. i was laughing and running around the whole time, so i think that works as a good substitute. epic dodgeball and volleyball games. i am so dead today though, absolutely worn out. but lunch tomorrow should be fun, since a lot of people in that lunch were at the party. the plan is to talk by the 26th. i know most of you that read this think it's way too large a window, but as C was saying last night, you have to wait for the right moment... and the way we talk that could take the full 26-day window. =/. well, we'll see, i suppose. [[i say that every time, don't i?]]

...and then i forgot it. oh well. gave out invitations today. i'm pretty excited, it's going to be quite the bash. i'm pretty sure he has to call me now. kind of sad how excited i am about that... and i guess i'm obvious. i handed it to him, and then HM and i went our way and he his. ensuing convo with her: HM: what is it? love note? me: no. HM: love note? me: no, invitation. HM: you like him. me: it's true... apparently the way i smiled after giving it to him was kind of a tip-off. and somehow she didn't remember us going to semi together. i dunno. i should talk to him, shouldn't i? i keep saying that, but i never do it. oh well. i will eventually...

now that i know what that is, i'm totally using it. i am heels-over-head crazy about this boy. it's insane. after saturday night... movie and dinner with the group. but i couldn't get him out of my head. sat across from him at dinner, and apparently we "zoned out"... zoned as in not really paying attention to anyone else. i got his number too. snipe! i want him to ask me out, i think. very much so. i just want to be around him, i can't stop thinking about him, and now i'm seeing him everywhere... not really seeing him, more...picturing. but all the same. it's gotten so bad. i really should talk to him, but i'm scared of it. but really, what's the worst that can happen? ...buuut it's not going to happen. naturally. because i'm a wimp when it comes to this. ah well... c'est la vie.

the giraffe is done. played red rover on tuesday. R got completely clotheslined. hilarious, after we made sure she was ok. it was hard to tell at first if she was laughing or crying. paper due tomorrow, procrastinating... today was a good day on all fronts. hung out with L in painting instead of actually working. ate lunch outside. made so much eye contact with him all period. mmm. i think i still have a chance. busy rest of the week, though... play thursday, perhaps. battle of the bands friday. movie saturday. maybe the carnival somewhere in there. add into that a history paper, reviewing all my geo stuff for the tests monday and tuesday, whatever other homework i get... funnn. but i'm looking forward to it nonetheless. and i am looking forward so much to next summer. i'm going to germany. for six weeks. six whole weeks. i have never been more excited in my life. love.

as usual. i'm thinking in short blurbs today, instead of full ideas. which is a little unusual. i lost the train of thought i was going to write about. reviewing old entries does that to me. i guess i'll start with friday... that was a mess. really inarticulate. i got tooled on in english for about 20 minutes for some of the opinions i expressed. felt pretty crappy that afternoon.. then went to RENT friday night. couldn't shake my bad mood... alone in a crowd and all. third wheel, despite the fact that the people i went with are not dating, and that i went with them, not just met them there. dunno. saturday was better. sunday was just frustrating. english assignment that i couldn't make head or tail of. but i finally called him and he explained. and then we talked for a while. giraffe flu... good times. gugh. party planning is harder than it looks. especially when there's an awkward triangle. any combo of 2 is fine, but all three together... would probably have bad results. how do i avoid the issue? and her, too. i'm sorry, but i really don't want her to come. it's not that i don't like her. i'm just fed up with her never having the time for me. or the decency to make time and an effort. but if you want her there, i'll turn a blind eye to it. hm. i thought this was going to be another incoherent entry, but it actually worked out rather nicely. i need to convince him to convince him to call me. might ask him to go to dinner with us all on friday. if i go to dinner, that is, and if k is ok with me bringing him. after all, she planned/is planning it. then movies on the 16th, carnival that weekend. then mom away for the long weekend after my birthday. then possibly party the following weekend. looking forward to it all.

vacation was pretty good. did a lot of yardwork and have the blisters to show for it. got a bit of sun. saw Twilight- shamed to admit it, but i did enjoy it. books are still better, though. and today was wonderful... well, except for the new seats in english. but i can deal with that. i ate lunch outside today. it was gorgeous out, maybe 85 degrees. sunny and hot. summery. i was sitting by myself because my friend disappeared.. then he came and sat with me and we talked about mexico and it was fantastic. i do so love being around him... all the doubts i had yesterday and last night are completely gone. i like him and he definitely likes me. or why would he have left his little group to sit with just me? i'm always listening to BLG when i think about him. such a strong association now... it'll hurt when/if it ends. but then again, it might be a reminder of the good times. and i do so love memories.

first day of vacation and i already have a story. fell off Romeo this morning. he spooked, calmed down, then spooked again. less than 5 minutes into the lesson and i'm on the ground. now i have a massive headache- unrelated to the fall- and roadrash on my arm; my hip is sore; and i really don't feel too great. went skating last night. talked to him on the phone two days in a row. and i will be getting a postcard from mexico. played mafia in english, last block friday. never had such a fun english class. happy for vacation. and don't blame me that you didn't just plan to go away for a week. you're the vacation addict. i have friends to see at home. you don't. not my fault, so don't get all "we could be on vacation" on me. 'cause i don't give a damn. rant over. in love with thriving ivory. amazing album. not really thinking in any coherent order. oh well.

field trip to UMA today. saw GH for the first time in a year. pretty much assaulted him to give him a hug. was happy to see him. didn't get to say goodbye. wish i had, 'cause he said he's never coming back. and he's not coming home for the summer either. i said last year that i might never see him again. now i know i probably won't. i wish i had said goodbye. i had a massive crush on him for 4 years. ever since i met him. i think that counts for something. goodbye would have been nice. maybe that's why i'm hesitant about J. because i still like GH, in some form at least. even though he's out of my league. even though he's gone. and speaking of J, since when is he a theater kid? he was at school when we got back, going to see H and P's play. i wasn't aware that he went to plays of his own volition. i thought he usually just tagged along. i wish he'd asked if i was going to go... oh well. i'm gonna see the play on tuesday regardless. maybe i'll call him tomorrow to see how it was... but again, of course we all know that won't happen. long story short, in a pretty crappy mood. although. he did almost go outside with me. but he was headed that direction anyway... i have no idea what he was doing in the lobby, since we went back to the blackbox and he stayed there. i dunno. and when i said i was dizzy- which was true, although it was more lightheadedness than wheestaggerfall dizzy- he sounded really concerned when he asked if i was ok. i'm probably just making shit up. i felt guilty all day for being so happy to see G. i kept thinking of them both, back and forth, back and forth. i don't know anymore. i feel like being excited all week to see GH counts as cheating. even though nothing's official and i'm not bound to anyone. as much as i like J, more and more i feel like i'm just stringing him along. i hate this.

I hit 200 entries and didn't even notice. I was planning to write a huge celebratory entry on it, and I completely missed it! ah well. I figure I can be a proper noun for one entry. I'm feeling rather capital right now anyway. =] 2/3 of Sparta now. Lol. my friend will be excited when I hit 300 entries. then he can make all the Sparta jokes he wants. Peace, Love, and Pineapples. XD