x_miss_red_head_x's Journal

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  • happy birthday to me!!!

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 09, 2004 December 8, 2004 listening to: "Roulette Dares" by Mars Volta they'll pinprick the witness in ritural contrition..... whenever i think of this song i think of playing tag with my friends at ian's house. dude today was awesome!!! i came to school and my friends had decorated my locker the previous afternoon after school...it was covered with messages saying that i was a cool redheaded irish 15-year-old....sweet. it was so cool...gina gave me the beyond paradise perfume that i've been wanting FOREVER...phenicia gave me a 20-dollar starbucks gift card (the best place ever), rachel gave me one of those livestrong bracelets, laura and valerie gave me a card, so did chloe, jessi gave me a bag of candy and a card....and everyone gave me hugs and love today. natalie, nick, devin and ashely still say they have stuff to give me...so it'll be even more sweet. :-) today was a good day. gina made it so awesome though...she had everyone sing happy birthday to me and hugged me every five minutes telling me she loved me. shes such a cool person. shes just full of energy and life. i love it. i can warm myself by being near her because she just radiates :-) it scared me this morning though....nick did'nt come until second period and i thought that my boyfriend was gonna miss my birthday! but it turns out that he had to walk to school. he felt really bad but it was alright. he was also really sweet today...tellin me i was the 'beautiful birthday princess'. hes such a sweetie...i dont know what i would do without him. and when i came home i got some presents from mom and dad and grandma.....i got $100 from mom and dad! whoop! its amazing i did'nt know that i would get anything...i'm so happy! and then i got $50 from grandma and some makeup and some old jewelry...pretty cool! and to make it even better....we might go to las vegas tomorrow! whoooo hooooooo! the weather in san francisco is kinda crappy.....and we'd be outside the whole time anyway, so we decided to skip that. its gonna be me, my brother and my dad. fun! we're gonna spend the night in the sahara or something like that. AHHH! i can't wait! today was awesome. thank you god. but i have this nagging feeling that i won't make it back.....i always do when i travel. but oh well....everything happens for a reason. if i die, i die. and then you move on. will someone remember me? No Comments
  • december 7

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 08, 2004 December 7, 2004 listening to: "Speakers Push The Air" by Pretty Girls Make Graves i heard a record and it opened my eyes..... i love this song! it gets me thinking about the conversation that i just had with my mom. i told her that i wished that she had me listen to music when i was a little kid....because she was complaining that i always get on the computer and listen to "that godawful music". ugh i hate that. at least have enough respect for your eldest daughter not to complain when she listens to music. its just that my parents are never listening to music.....they never obsess about it like i do....i could'nt live without music. i'm getting one of those bracelets from hot topic that says music=life. like one of those lance armstrong bracelets. awesome, a twist on something thats the norm. i see everyone with those bracelets, i'm gonna get a cool one of my own. only $1! anyway she thinks that i was saying that i'm screwed up now beceause i did'nt listen to music when i was a kid. uh no...i was just saying that i wished that i had, not that i'm screwed up. i hate fighting with her. why do we have to? i really loathe coming home and fighting with her every night. and sometimes my brother and sister decide to jump in and side with mom....and without dad here on weekdays then its 3 against 1. totally not fair. i'm talking to my friend jessi now. she has her 6-month-old neice with her now and i can hear her....so cute! she calls her mamacita. she says my science teacher said sorry for all the crap he's been giving us....well sorry but ya need to say it to my face....i don't want to hear it through word-of-mouth. it just is'nt the same. so i still have the same regard for him. jerk. lol. shes also saying how my other friend natalie lies all the time...i don't know to believe her......alot of people say that she does all the time though... i was also talking to my other friend kelly (i'm blowing off homework tonight) and she was talking about everyone at the other high school in my town. she was talkin about how everyone now is having sex and all that, and just the stuff thats going on in her life. ugh. mom is talking again about not having christmas. why does she have to be like this?!?! always worrying about everything!!! GOD WILL PROVIDE. at least i hope so. shes just so depressing. and then she says that we might have to turn off the heat right now...because we can't pay the bill. god i HATE being poor............. sorry i just cried a lil bit. god i'm so depressed. and right before my birthday. its tomorrow....and i'm looking forward to it but it looks like i won't get anything for my birthday from my family. not even dinner. i hate this. and i hate crying. at least i have friends, though. and music. and my man. and god. and 1/4 of my family. my dad. the only thing that keeps me sane. i just hope everything will turn out alright. i hope so. but it could be worse i guess.....i just have to buck up like my friend chloe...just keep on truckin. *sigh* i'm listenig to "the scientist" by coldplay. depressing song. but you know...it could be like some of those kids on tv and through charity. they don't even have toothbrushes. nobody said it was easy.....its such a shame for us to part...... lyrics. i always do that. i have my friends....they have always made everything better and i hope they continue to do so. will someone read this? will someone care? will i forget? will a stranger gaze upon this and wonder who i really am? i sound pathetic. i'll forget. i'm going back to the start..... No Comments
  • i am a patient girl

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 06, 2004 December 6, 2004 listening to: "waiting room" by fugazi my x has a fugazi sticker on his bass guitar. he peeled it off a few times and now its all crappy. i'd get him a new one, but he hates me. lotsa things happened today. in second period we have a charity thing going on...and today we got to spend all the money that we raised on the kids that we sponsored. it was fun! my group got to shop for pants and shirts and shoes for this little 1 year old girl. the stuff they had at the store was so cute! cant wait till i have a kid to dress him/her up in that cute baby stuff. actually i can wait but you know what i mean. also today i had a talk with a friend, and she told me all her problems about the stuff that was going on in her life. it made my problems pale in comparison. i feel so sorry for her and all the stuff she has to put up with. *sigh* i want to do something for her and help her in some way....if only a small way. i dont have any ideas though. it makes me sad to hear all this, especially right before christmas. i want to do something! and not just sit around and simmer in my sadness. i was going to take her to california with me, but thats impossible, only family members can go right now. hmm.....maybe i'll use my birthday money to buy her something. i'm confused :-/ my friend valerie came up to me after school and said my boyfriend was looking for me....i could'nt find him though. i wonder what he was gonna say....stuff like that bothers me. its as thin as our skulls but it's thicker than air.....and i now have nothing....but your heartbeat in my head.....and a photograph of....my traveling friend..... sry those lyrics are just what i'm thinking right now. can you guess from who? win 100 brownie points! lol i'm crazy. my friend natalie was'nt at school today....wonder where she was.....i called her and had to leave a message. hm....nothing more on this mind now. maybe later. meanwhile, better hop to the god damn homework.....sooooooo much...my backpack was so heavy today. No Comments
  • chocolate chips on the west side

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 06, 2004 December 5, 2004 listening to: "piece of my heart" by Janis Joplin take another lil piece of my heart now baby.... that song is half blues half rock. nice, nice. i'm pissed! this morning before he left my dad talked to me about going somewhere for my birthday. he said that we can't go anywhere foreign or out of the way like i wanted to. and that we should only go on the west coast. goddammit! i've been looking forward to this all year and now its another dream ripped away from me by the way of reality. we're just too poor. i'll probably just end up going to san francisco again. i know i sound like a spoiled brat, but in this sense i live differently than other people. i can't be in one place too long...and my family travels alot more than other people. we get to go free to places all the time and its the norm for me. i look forward to my few special days where i finally get to be ruler of my own little world and designate where i want to go. oh well....i guess i'll go to san fran every year and make it a tradition for myself. i went a few years ago.....so i'll just do that and eat lunch at the same chinese joint. its not so bad if i really think about it, and i've been wanting to go to san francisco for awhile...its like my second home kind of, and my favorite city next to seattle....so it'll be alright :-) my mom just asked what this website was....i told her that it was a really good lyrics site and that i don't really keep a journal because i hate writing and typing is easier. shes always worried about how there are creeps on the internet....and she has a right to because there are always those stories on oprah....but i told her i don't divulge any personal info. just that i live in seattle. so if there are any sickos reading this then screw you! don't read farther because i'm not gonna give you my name...don't waste your time. i wish i could share that kinda stuff....to make it more realistic but oh well....thats what happens i guess. i just hope she does'nt get on this site and read this. ugh i want mum and dad to leave me ALONE and rant sometimes. they've read my email before so i can't really trust them...just sign out all the time and not share my password. they say that i can but no matter what i can't. we all know it. well there is nothing more on my mind right now except now i'm listening to incubus. better go hop to the homework. :-( No Comments
  • paid! finally!

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 05, 2004 December 4, 2004 listening to: "Flowing" by 311 to stop my mind flowing....flowing away.... the soundtrack to blanking out and having a wandering mind. a good song except the beginning is weird. all electronic and shit. i'm trying this blueberry tea right now.....its really good. it smells better than it tastes though....same with some vanilla caramel tea i had today. i love caramel its my favorite candy/flavor/. anything caramel flavored is soooo good.....i love anyone who gives me that stuff. my favorite fruit is cherries. i could eat those all day. i like them alot because they can only be found in nature....if you try and replicate the taste in a candy, etc. then i think it tastes like crap. its just an individual fruit and i love it. but my favorite flavor of candy is orange...orange starbust, tootsie pop, etc. i always eat the orange m&ms first. is'nt this interesting? i like potatoes too. maybe because i was born in idaho and i'm irish. and i love music that makes you want to rock out and lip-sync to it. and women in music, like janis joplin and etta james and lacuna coil and kittie and Brody Dalle and the chick from tsunami bomb and the chick from pretty girls make graves, real good music and real good women that can actually SING. its just one of the best things in the world. rock music that actually ROCKS with women singers, not some bullshit avril lavigne or some pop singer dork who could'nt sing to have her life. they think they rock. yeah right. they fucking suck. and punk music, and screamo, and about .000001 of emo and glam rock, and industrial rock, and classic rock, and grunge rock, and straight edge, and metal, and dark rock. i love it all. anything rock except pop-rock or pop-punk. and i love my red hair and my green eyes. and my boyfriends brown hair and blue eyes. and my friend david's dreadlocks, and ashley's beautiful black-brown hair. and gina's lovely curly hair. and i love where i live. near seattle, one of the best cities in the world, where the best music in the world came from, where my passion for music was born and raised, where i was raised. the most beautiful place ever, with puget sound and the emerald-green islands in front and the mountain peaks of the cascades in the background. the emerald city. like no other place. and i love where i am in life. still learning, already learned enough to basically navigate my way around. with an open mind and heart toward anyone who crosses my path. and a tongue like a whip, always ready to debate with anyone, but still soft enough to accept anyone after i debate with them. i don't hate. i don't hate anyone. i hate what people do, but not alot of them. some friends that have betrayed. some evil people that have hurt others, but thankfully there are'nt alot of people like that. there are more good people in the world than evil people. good always outnumbers the bad. i'm probably going to look back on this and wonder about myself and why i said this. or maybe i'll just commend myself for all i've said. i'm the only one that reads it anyway. anyway, i got paid today. i babysat from 12-6:30. made $26. not alot but oh well....the family i babysit for are'nt exactly rich and the kids are alright so i only charge $4 an hour. sometimes i get tips. i usually make $30 a week, babysittin thursday nights and saturdays. better than nothing. i'm saving it up to buy gifts for christmas. alright i don't understand this: the holiday of "christmas" is'nt used hardly anymore in mainstream advertisements: and businesses are using the term "happy holidays" now more than "merry christmas" because its politically correct. i'm so fucking tired of these liberal nazis trying to make everything so "politically correct" so we can make other "cultures" happy and so we can "celebrate diversity". so now we're going to end up with no christmas because some kwanzaa-celebrating african does'nt like it or some jewish hannukkah person is offended because macy's does'nt have hannukkah sale. we reconize those religions already, but this country is based on freedom of religion, not freedom from religion. if they don't like it they can leave! its outrageous! you're the minority, so what? you're not being treated unfairly, just be proud of where you're coming from and celebrate your holidays in peace and let us do the same. don't try and stomp out our traditions. WTF. we are shedding our roots. our traditions. it all started by taking god out of school. if you don't like it leave. its that simple. don't force other people to change because you don't like it, its not hurting anyone. change is a good thing when someone is being hurt, but how does sitting out of a prayer at your middle school hurting you? people just want things to be their way and no one else's that disagrees with them. can't people just agree to disagree? i want someone intelligent to answer that question for me. No Comments
  • science

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 03, 2004 December 3, 2004 listening to: my own typing and natalie next to me i'm in science class right now...just chillin. i really don't want to do the work. i can hear lucky's music all the way over here dude turn it down....natalie is checking her email..... i'm just really bored. and i found something out today that really disturbed me. my boyfriend told me that some of his friends don't really like me...it s really dumb. i don't really care all that much but it still bothers me...i've been nice to everyone in this school i've met, and i don't understand how someone who does'nt even know me can hate or not like me. what did i do to deserve that crap? i just hope that i can turn their minds around and prove them wrong about me. hm......better get back to work but i just wanted to write today because i won't be home tonight to do it. my boyfriend is coming over! yipeee! and then we're gonna chill at ian's house....of course. i can't believe that my mom said it was okay. it puzzles me. peace out No Comments
  • has the crap finally ended?

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 03, 2004 December 2, 2004 listening to: "The End of the World" by The Cure its just the end of the....end of the world..... good song. but does'nt really explain what i have on my plate now. thankfully. talked to dad about the whole science crap that was going on. he basically said that my teacher was a dickhead and that he was going to the school to see if i could be transfered and to get me out of this slanted mess. whoop! i'm finally getting somewhere! it surprised me....dad actually understood about the whole mess. i wanted to drop to my knees and thank god. and then i found out that my MATH TEACHER, my least favorite, called the house today and said that i was being rude to her. i said "lady" when i referred to her, that is rude? how about completely ignoring someone like you do? and that not rude? well thats what i'm being dished out. and my rule is that you get what you give....and if rudeness is the case then thats what you get for being a bitch. should i really treat you better than you treat me? that does'nt make sense in this situation. sometimes i would do that but not to a teacher, hell no. what do i owe her? really? its just wasted energy that i don't have the time to deal with. why do i have to deal with mindless morons? why are people like this even hired in the first place to be teachers? is it a requirement? i have many other teachers that are plenty strict but that i still like. its being strict in the right times....thats what you have to learn to control. you can be strict and nice at the same time. i just don't think my science and math teacher can handle that. shes been in the game too long, he has'nt been in it long enough. maybe he will learn, but as for that bitch i think its hopeless. you get too bitter when you're old. or you get really nice. depends on the type of life you have i guess. i don't want to be bitter when i'm old. i don't want to be bitter at all. its all a cycle though. if i want to do something i always find an excuse not to. what can i do to prevent that? mabye not lie to myself and be truthful and admit i'm wrong more often. i just have to apply all this. everything, even though sometimes miniscule, that i've learned. possibly. one time i talked to my science teacher about music. i asked what type of music he liked and i found that he liked radiohead. good band, so i thought that maybe i could go farther. he is expecting a child soon, so i told him to have the child, no matter how old, listen to music the whole time he still lived at home. everyone that i've met thats listened to music their entire life is intelligent, either academically or personally. or in some way. there are many ways other than what the mainstream thinks. he said he would. i certainly wish my parents had me listen to good music. they hardly do anymore. thats why i started to listen to actually good music when i was 13 or 14. so late. why is it that people my age are always loving music more than anything else? i only know one person who does'nt like music, and he's just....different. i think that inside he does, though. and he's a nice guy, but so bitter to those around him. i know music can melt that shell he has encased himself in. thats why not alot of people like him....thats why he's never loved anyone and is lonely. i know he is. his parents are different...but not as stingy as he. what else could it be? i think we like it because it is an escape. from anything that we can't deal with at this age but still have to put up with. but people that are much older love music also. i think the statistics just change when you get older. the majority of young people are obsessed with music in some sort of way, and the majority of old people are'nt, just the opposite. i don't want to be in that majority. oh i know are'nt i anarchic? No Comments
  • the system

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 02, 2004 December 1, 2004 listening to: "devil in jersey city" by coheed and cambria god i can't believe this day! its horrible! my science teacher is a bigot! a total moron who thinks he is never wrong. not that i'm not used to that teacher attitude by now...but i'm getting real tired of it. i have a friend who did less on an assignment than i did and she got a D on it and i got an F. outrageous. i'm being discriminated against, just like last year with my math teacher. well i don't really give a rat's ass if this teacher likes me or not...but it's his duty to treat every student that comes in his room....every PERSON that comes in his room....equally. its his job as a teacher, and it's his duty as a human being. some people are so ignorant about those around him. i know, he goes home to his wife and child every night....eats dinner and forgets about it all....after all, we're just students that he has to deal with for two semesters. but the fact is that i go home some nights with these report cards showing the wrong grade and i get BEAT for it. i'm NOT letting him get away with this atrocity. i let it happen last year, but not this year. i'm hoping that this principal is different from the idiot i had last year, and will actually look at the issue with an unbiased mind. but at the same time, every administration that i've dealt with has turned out to be the same, always confirming their blind faith in their teachers by siding with them without looking at the central issue. i'm so tired of this system. why should anyone have to deal with this? on another note, dad says that maybe we can go somewhere for my birthday. i want to go someplace far, far away. like amsterdam or brussels. or rio de janeiro. seoul. ugh i'm so tired of being here. i have'nt gone anywhere far away in a year. its driving me nuts. i'm the kind of person that can't stay in one place too long or i go crazy. i need my space. and i only have one life, to live so why not explore the planet i'm on? one life to live. i don't know if i believe in reincarnation. alot of my friends do...but i tend to think that i'm my own person with my own mind, and no, i did'nt come from some old lady that croaked from cancer and no i don't think i'm going to turn into a penguin when i die. seems silly. some cows in india eat better than the people do because hindus believe in reincarnation, so that cow could be your great grandma, and the people feed them well. and they don't eat meat. hm... i told my boyfriend about going away for a little bit and he said that was too long....he said that four days without me last weekend was way too long. what a sweetie. i love him. so my world is half and half now. i have another crappy grade but it is'nt my fault, and at the same time i might go somewhere far away and i know my boyfriend will miss me. No Comments
  • I got the bluuuuues macaroni and cheese!

    by x_miss_red_head_x on December 01, 2004 November 30, 2004 listening to: Maria by Rage Against the Machine yeah thats what i'm eating right now. sooo goooooooood......... today i rode the citybus home, it was my first time and of course i acted like an idiot. at the station i needed to connect to another bus after coming from my high school, and it turns out that bus was the bus that the bus i was originally riding from my school turned into. make sense? probably not. but yeah....i had to pay twice as much. oh well only $1. spankin of $1, i went to the donate part of this site when i was logging in and it turns out that they need money....aww poor college students. maybe i'll donate if i can figure out paypal. hmm.... i went to my science teacher this morning because my bus is the first one that gets to the school first and so i have time to burn....plus i have an F in science so i really did need help...and my teacher asked if i had a fever because i was actually caring about my grades. holy crap. DUH i care, who do you think i am? obviously some punk kid who thinks they're gonna get by smoking bud. well i do think that sometimes but i do get a bite of reality one in awhile. anyway i'm hoping that he accepts this one 200 point thing i have...and if he does'nt then i'm screwed. ugh i'm so tired of worrying about grades! i get to see dad tomorrow. yipee! its his day off. i'm realizing how lucky i am now when i think about my boyfriend. i really do appreciate him. we did'nt have lunch together today so he waited for me outside my class during his lunch. it was funny, he was in the hall taking a cat nap with his jacket over him and i just stared at him for a few seconds. besides, people were coming in my classroom from taking a break and telling me my hobo boyfriend was sleeping in the hall so i had to check it out. lol it was funny. when i asked him what he was doing he told me he got up too early. yeah. i get up an hour before him to do make up and crap. huh. hopefully he can come over on friday and we can chill at ian's. that would be bomb. No Comments
  • More to say

    by x_miss_red_head_x on November 30, 2004 November 29, 2004 listening to: "Walking stick for the weak" by Thought Riot i don't know i just have alot on my mind now. alot more happened today than what i said. today was mediterranean monday! woohoo! me and my best friend have decided to hang out every monday after school because we hardly do anymore and because mondays suck and we need to make them better. i don't know if mom will let me because of my ONE bad grade but i don't care. she matters more than what mom says. i painted my nails weird last night and they looked like bloody milk. lol. Tomorrow i don't have lunch with my bf. sad. but anyway me and my best friend were just catching up on all the stuff we missed in each other's lives. all the stuff with her boyfriend and all the stuff with mine. and then we started talking about how so many people screwed up their freshman year by drinking and smoking and having sex and all that, and how almost everyone regrets everything they did. i don't know, maybe they just needed to learn from what they were doing. i'm listening to "Bodies" by the Sex Pistols and it is a great song! never realized how kickass they were. i reached the 200 mark on windows media player! wow thats like 1/4 of what david has but oh well i'm proud, like a month ago i had half of that. i'm building it up. if i lost everything i had on that program then i would probably kill myself. speaking of which today in english we had an assignment with the sub asking us what we were thankful for. i said 5 things: 1. pop tarts. they are just so good! i love them. 2. my boyfriend. when all is crappy, i can go to him and get my dose of love :) i love him too. 3. windows media player. i would kill myself if i lost everything on that as i said before. 4. ian's house. because if it werent for there then i would be either homeless or bored. probably both. 5. my job. if i did'nt have it then i would probably be wearing clothes from 3 years ago, and thats gross if you ask me. plus i would never go to the movies ever, and i probably would'nt have shampoo or something to eat besides free lunch. g2g mom is yelling. leftover crack is a good band too. listen to "gang control" all you little people. No Comments
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