its amazing how far music can come.. 24 years after it released and its one of the most heartfelt songs ive heard
The shoulder that I leaned on was carved out of stone
But when I'm done freezing I want to be alone
Never want my hand cut off
Never want a hacking cough
Never need a cliffside push
Never turn my brain to mush
Always give me what I lack
Always take the best parts back
Always recognize your fate
Always just a moment late
Left is where I always turn
Left is how I'm forced to learn
Left the route my walking takes
Left alone with my mistakes
Up against the person who
Up 'til now I never knew
Up from hell the answer blew
Up or down it's up to you
Drop me off the Chinese wall
And peel my fingers off the rim
I come unglued while in midair and land to reform
Limb by limb
And I am taken far away
Lingering slowly melting away
Tossed with the salad and baled with the hay
Pooling the water that drips from above
Trampled by lambs pecked by the dove
But when I'm done freezing I want to be alone
Never want my hand cut off
Never want a hacking cough
Never need a cliffside push
Never turn my brain to mush
Always give me what I lack
Always take the best parts back
Always recognize your fate
Always just a moment late
Left is where I always turn
Left is how I'm forced to learn
Left the route my walking takes
Left alone with my mistakes
Up against the person who
Up 'til now I never knew
Up from hell the answer blew
Up or down it's up to you
Drop me off the Chinese wall
And peel my fingers off the rim
I come unglued while in midair and land to reform
Limb by limb
And I am taken far away
Lingering slowly melting away
Tossed with the salad and baled with the hay
Pooling the water that drips from above
Trampled by lambs pecked by the dove
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Like a lot of the other comments are saying, I think this mainly about voyeurism. If the song was about his girlfriend, then why would he use the word spy. If you are a spy it means you shouldn't be caught, that is kind of the whole point, and if you are a voyeur, the whole point of the pleasure you get from it, is the fact that the other people don't know you are watching them. See a bit of a connection there?
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I think much like another song “Anti-Matter” (that's also on the same album as this song), this one is also is inspired by a horrifying van crash the band experienced on Nov 3, 2022. This, much like the other track, sounds like it's an extension what they shared while huddled in the wreckage, as they helped frontman Garrett Russell stem the bleeding from his head wound while he was under the temporary effects of a concussion. The track speaks of where the mind goes at the most desperate & desolate of times, when it just about slips away to all but disconnect itself, and the aftermath.
I don't do this often cuz I'm good at this but I have to retract my earlier statements.
It's not suicide. It's metaphorical euthanasia is that the right word no
But it's people who fucking throw you off the Chineese wall and you hold on.