Down With Disease

@bkabbott This was my comment. I have Schizophrenia. First of all, I had a delusion where people at the school were out to cause bodily harm to me. I wasn't raised to use that word by my parents.<br /> <br /> Second of all, Alabama was not a heady school. The Greeks made guys feel like they would never get laid if they didn't rush. And by the time I was a senior Sorority girls were coming to my friend's parties. There was a whole underground scene of cool people but the people who were all in your face were not very cool.<br /> <br /> The worse delusion I had was that my parents castrated me. I believed that my Dad wanted me to be with my ex girlfriend and when he said "I'm here" he was talking about my ex because I heard her name in my head. I believed that I was castrated and that it was broadcast over the internet. And that Google created a chip to put in my brain and that Obama ordered the chip to be put in. The chip made me think I still had balls and it also made me hear voices and let people fuck with me. So I never got violent. I was a dick at times. But most of the time I was just scared and needed love.<br /> <br /> And for what it's worth I buy the newest Pixel and I think Obama is the best president of recent history.<br /> <br /> Nobody can quite understand what it is like having Schizophrenia unless you have had it.<br /> <br /> I want to emphasize again that I never got violent but when you believe people are out to cause bodily harm you feel dejected and suicidal.

@bkabbott I also had delusions that students at Alabama were out to cause bodily harm to me.<br /> <br /> This was a recurring delusion for me.<br /> <br /> I have gotten to the point where my delusions are minor and it took many years of treatment. Being on medication is not enough. It is not a cure.

@bkabbott I finally have dated girls of other races myself. I date based on who can deal with my physical and mental illness as I have Schizophrenia and Crohn's Diesase.<br /> <br /> I would have deleted this comment years ago but I was unable to.

@bkabbott Oh one last thing Soroity girls were going to my friends parties immediately. I never gave a fuck about my social life at Alabama. I was smoking pot and transcribing John Coltrane solos. I only went to their party when I was a senior because they asked me to take the guitar solo on While My Guitar Gently Weeps. So I showed up and drank some beer, took my solo and then I went home and jerked off like a GDI. I did not have a 3 some with some tri delts.

@bkabbott The final thing I want to say is that I had a crush on a girl in an English class. She was in a sorority. I felt like she would have gone on a date with me but I didn't want her sorority sisters to kick her out because I felt like she needed support (they actually will kick them out for 'dancing with a GDI (omg)).<br /> <br /> So I've just been thinking and contemplating. You know the date. If my daughter goes to Alabama she will be encouraged not to join a Sorority. Because you know it's just not going to be something that she would be encouraged to do.<br /> <br /> I'm very very pleased with the brainstorming I have done on today's date.

@bkabbott soundcloud.com/brianabbott1987/while-my-guitar-gently-weeps<br /> <br /> I was too drunk to improvise that night so I ended with a Jimmy Herring solo that I transcribed while I was smoking pot and jerking off like a GDI

@bkabbott I also want to say that my layman's opinion is that there was a medical interaction between alcohol or benzos and my Schizophrenic brain that caused me to lose control and clarity when I texted people or posted on Songmeanings. I will admit that I have used the n word now. But now I do not tolerate it when I hear someone else use it. The go to is that not all black people are that way but some are. And people will get defensive but I no longer tolerate that word when it is used around me.<br /> <br /> My sponsor in AA has a PHD in neuroscience. He will lead Research and Development at my Software Development company. I was sexually abused and I had some parts of myself that caused shame. I completely forgive the person who abused me because it allowed me to get sober. I would be drinking myself to death right now, living in Savannah, GA if I was not sexually abused. It was one of the best and worst things that happened to me.<br /> <br /> When I was in my mid 20s I relived the experience. I cried the same cry and remembered little details, like my brother and my mom being in the room. The door was open and a little girl saw it happen and it was humilating. <br /> <br /> I have had a laundry list of problems and my humble opinion is that God gave me so many problems because my family was upper middle class and that I could overcome them. I found Christ and I have my old personality back in many ways. I am kind and relaxed. Being relaxed is something I only knew when I was younger. Since I repented and accepted Christ I am more relaxed. And while I wasn't as relaxed I have prided myself on being kind to people since 2016, when I entered treatment for Schizophrenia.<br /> <br /> At that time I wasn't sure if I could work or ever hold down a job. I understood that I had to work with medical professionals. I developed Crohn's Disease while in treatment. I still suffer from fatigue. <br /> <br /> I have a feeling that I fucked up by tagging North Asheville on Instagram. I have a feeling West Asheville will proudly tag West Asheville. I have a feeling there will be a picture I took of myself making a funny face where my dick looks much larger than normal and that 4 chan will put it at the top or bottom of the article. I have a feeling that my daughter will go to UNCA, but if she goes to Alabama I have a feeling that she will run for SGA President her sophomore year and that I will have the rseources to ensure that The Machine cannot harass her.<br /> <br /> Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. I don't even care about anonymity. I also am happy saying that I will never drink again. Not even at my wedding. Once I was able to stop drinking the areas of my life that caused shame were completely removed by Christ. I see direct proof of God in my life every day, as many people who were sexually abused or alcoholics see.<br /> <br /> I wasn't able to get everything under control until after I went on Phish tour. I ate mushrooms in Nashville night 2. I didn't drink. I relapsed night 2 of The Gorge and I danced my ass off for 2 nights with a crew that happened to be from Asheville. We had never met.<br /> <br /> I've had many experiences and I will no longer go to shows. I will devote my life to growing Consoli Tech, Inc and Staffcasts, Inc and I will devote a majority of my wealth to putting wells in Africa. Neither of these companies would have happened if I did not major in music. <br /> <br /> The major that The Greeks look down on the most gave me an intense work ethic. While they were doing shots off of girls chests I was working. And from 2020 - 2022 I wrote about 20,000 lines of code. Some of this was JSX (React) and that needs to be replaced. But some of my code will stay in our codebase for years to come.<br /> <br /> Consoli Tech will be employee owned. We're going to be the first real employer in Buncombe County that allows our employees to purchase property.<br /> <br /> Right now a lot of people think I am crazy. My ex gf Amanda is taunting me by saying that I worship Satan. My ex gf Jaimie lives with me and she knows I am doing well. My parents are scared.<br /> <br /> A lot of successful people experience fear from their parents but it is probably worse from my parents because I have so many physical and mental problems but particularly Schizophrenia.<br /> <br /> The only way a Schizophrenic could handle this situation is through Christ. If you are skeptical and wondering if this is true, ask your nearest psychiatrist.

@bkabbott Let me say one more thing before I have sex with my ex girlfriend.<br /> <br /> I know what the Greeks will do. They'll try to be cool and make a peition that says "Petition for Katharyn Abbott not to come to Alabama". <br /> <br /> If she goes they will find their best men to try and seduce her to fall in love with them.<br /> <br /> She will be prepared if she goes.<br /> <br /> The rest of what I planned is dated with the same date on a Google Keep note that is dated on the same date as a previous comment. She will be given the note when she turns around 16.

@bkabbott I've had very little racial animus in my life. I don't like saying this about myself, but I am a Born |Again Christian. That is just something that happens where you repent for your sins and you become saved.<br /> <br /> I had many things I had to repent for and I treated people terribly. But I did not have to repent for racial animus. That would have kept me out of heaven and it wasn't something that I had to repent for.<br /> <br /> It's never okay to use the n word. People don't understand where I am coming from when I am Schizophrenic. And I have no idea what it is like to deal with racism.<br /> <br /> Racism has tangible physiological effects. I suffer from panic attacks and I don't know how I could get through encounters with the police and hostile people if I were black. We have a major problem with police brutality. The police are necessary for society to function, but society has to take our past into consideration in order to prevent further atrocities. <br /> <br /> I guess I need to wrap things up but I'm ashamed that I ever used that word. I would give anything to delete this comment. And my kids will be taught not to condone the use of that word. Finally, my kids will be able to date whomever they want. I really don't give a fuck.<br /> <br /> I have gotten black girls numbers in front of the whole class after I flirted with them. I never had a black girlfriend but I wasn't raised to where I woudln't have dated a black girl. It either didn't work out due to differences or I had personal problems and I couldn't have a girlfriend.<br /> <br /> As far as Schizophrenia I am a self taught developer. I'm kinda crazy. But I am tolerated by people who want to start a company because I am able to blow through code at times.<br /> <br /> When I found Christ I experienced a severe personality change where I don't care as much about work. But I still need to work.<br /> <br /> The most important thing we can do as a society is to be inclusive and to promote opportunities for other people.<br /> <br /> <br /> My parents would be absolutely ashamed if they knew that I posted this. I lashed out at so many people when I was low. Before I got better I started being kind. And when I started being kind I realized that I would be able to have a career.<br /> <br /> It's incredibly rare for a Schizophrenic to be able to have a career and get married, if it occurs after diagnosis. I believe I can do both of these things because I was born into a family that got me help. The fact that I received a good education at all of the schools I attended allowed me to intellecualize Schizophrenia. John Nash described it as his brain being on strike. I'm always on alert at what my brain is doing. This comment was posted in 2014 and I didn't receive help until 2016.<br /> <br /> I ask anyone who works with me to view this comment to please judge me based on how I interact with them. I also humbly ask any of my black friends to accept my apology for using this word.

@bkabbott I am forming two companies. One is Consoli Tech, Inc. The second is Staffcasts, Inc. Both of these will be North Carolina corporations.<br /> <br /> I have been instructed by God to move to Ireland and launch these companies in Europe if there are any controversies and I do not survive in the United States.

@bkabbott The absolutely final thing I will say is that Consoli Tech will be employee owned. I got that idea when I was working at Publix, bagging groceries when COVID hit. Publix pays tuition, and while I wasn't the best employee I enjoyed my job and I dropped out of college before I was eligible for tuition. They actually pay about $12,800 over four years which is very generous.<br /> <br /> Publix is employee owned and when employees leave the company the company will purchase stock back from them. Consoli Tech will function like that. Consoli Tech employees probably will not be able to pass on their shares to their surviving relatives.<br /> <br /> Staffcasts will have 1099 employees so it isn't employee owned per se. The shareholders of Staffcasts will be able to pass their shares onto descendants. But W2 employees will be given equity that will vest in a reasonable amount of time. It's not a feasible business model to give ownership to 1099 contractors. It just would not work. Because the 1099 employees will be music educators we want to take a percentage of the sales that will be similar to a progressive tax. Very low amounts for low earners and higher amounts for top sellers.<br /> <br /> We're proud to be North Carolina residents and we aren't going to seek venture capital funding (unless necessary) so we won't be forming a Deleware Corporation.<br /> <br />

@bkabbott Another thing I would like to say is that if I do not survive any controversies in the United States I will sever all ties with the United States. I would like to become an Irish Citizen if that is possible. This would ensure that I would not pay U.S. taxes :)<br /> <br /> I am 1/4 Irish. My Father was President of The Hiberneans in Savannah. <br /> <br /> If The United States will not allow me to survive for something that is medical I will lose all faith in this country and grow my companies in Ireland.<br /> <br /> If I do survive I will have them headquarted in North Carolina. We will open offices eventually in Dublin but we will pay U.S. and Irish Taxes. We will distribute our workforce between Ireland and Dublin.<br /> <br /> I want to make water and wastewater treatment sexy again. Like Donald Trump did for America.

@bkabbott If the United States decides that I am not allowed to work anymore. That I can't hold down a job, or try to grow a company, then I will move to Ireland, spend 8 month studying for the Irish Citizenship test, and try to score in the top 98th Percentile.<br /> <br />