This is a place I know too well
Been down here a while, if you can't tell
And I have analysed and tried my best to justify
The sorrow I have brought upon myself
Am I addicted to the misery, is this how I'll always be?
Grinding the salt into every wound
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you
I thought I had this, I thought I had this all figured out
You'd think I'd learned from all the shit I fucking screamed about
When there was sun I couldn't see for the clouds,
Still climbing the walls of this well just to dive back down,
Until I reached my rock bottom
Down to the marrow, bringing up the bad blood I'd forgotten
Is it me that's making me sick?
Been burning both ends of the wick
Am I addicted to the misery, is this how I'll always be?
Grinding the salt into every wound
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you
I've got this cold black silhouette hanging like a marionette,
Casting a shadow, a shade over me
Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
Your worst impressions were right about me
I could ask you to stay, if you're feeling forgiving
I could live with the guilt, if you call this living
I could try to memorise each grain of sand
As it slips through my fingers, and falls from my hands
It took me longer than I'd care to admit
This life is only what I choose to make of it
And the only thing standing in-between happiness and myself
Was this depression I held so close to my chest
Am I addicted to the misery, is this how I'll always be?
Grinding the salt into every wound
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you
I've got this cold black silhouette hanging like a marionette,
Casting a shadow, a shade over me
Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
Your worst impressions were right about me
Wasting a waning youth
Waiting for something to help me pull through
I never saw the sun through the clouds
I lost faith when the skies were falling down
Been down here a while, if you can't tell
And I have analysed and tried my best to justify
The sorrow I have brought upon myself
Grinding the salt into every wound
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you
You'd think I'd learned from all the shit I fucking screamed about
When there was sun I couldn't see for the clouds,
Still climbing the walls of this well just to dive back down,
Until I reached my rock bottom
Down to the marrow, bringing up the bad blood I'd forgotten
Is it me that's making me sick?
Been burning both ends of the wick
Grinding the salt into every wound
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you
Casting a shadow, a shade over me
Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
Your worst impressions were right about me
I could live with the guilt, if you call this living
I could try to memorise each grain of sand
As it slips through my fingers, and falls from my hands
It took me longer than I'd care to admit
This life is only what I choose to make of it
And the only thing standing in-between happiness and myself
Was this depression I held so close to my chest
Grinding the salt into every wound
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you
Casting a shadow, a shade over me
Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
Your worst impressions were right about me
Waiting for something to help me pull through
I never saw the sun through the clouds
I lost faith when the skies were falling down
Add your song meanings, interpretations, facts, memories & more to the community.
On the themes of the song, Polaris's songwriter & drummer 'Daniel Furnari' touches on the concept of habitually sinking into depressive thought patterns, “because some sick, destructive part of me almost likes it, or feels more comfortable living in that place”, wondering if his penchant for that ‘place’ means he’ll drive away the people he cares about. He elaborates on this, affirming that people are not to blame for their mental health, but adds that “sometimes turning the mirror on yourself like that is the only way to start becoming an active participant in your own wellbeing.”
ive been coming to this site for years now but never made an account until today bc of this song. i personally think it\'s a fairly straightforward song when it comes to the meaning. that could be just bc, as EternalTearsOfSorrow has posted about the songwriter/drummer saying it was about, has been exactly what the last 2 years of my life has been like. \nits fucked how you get so used to dealing with the depressive intrusive thoughts for so long becomes a comfort zone. when youre the architect of your own self destruction for so long that it becomes the only form of control you know, life gets dark. you get hurt so many times by the people youve trusted the most & have put up with so much thinking it was love, that you start to shut everyone out. and anything that starts to even feel good or maybe bring a little happiness, feels so foreign to you & end up having absolutely no clue how to react. bc anytime you have been happy in the past, it\'s been a lie or it\'s been ripped away from you. so youd rather stay in the darkness bc it\'s comfortable... you know what to expect. and as friends and family are distancing themselves you keep pushing them away even more. and when youre in that dark place, you start doing everything to not have to look at yourself in the mirror. to tell yourself that your comfort zone that was ssupposed to protect you is what you have to change... that shit is not easy. and eventually (hopefully) there are moments that you cant run from it or deny it and yourself & that if you want better youre not going to be able to be on the bench of your life & you have to start being that active player in your wellbeing & happiness. \n\nand that was just a wordier version of the first comment but this song for the last year has been at the top of my playlists or on repeat. every line is just on point with my life and i may not have found the light just yet but ive finally am looking at myself in the mirror. i am so glad this song exists <3