When You Leave Me Alone

I'm okay for a couple of hours and then, like a fog, your absence erases all the details
And I can't keep warm so the kettle's always brewing and the cups pile up around the sink, marking the hours
I reposition inanimate objects so that they have a better view of the garden and I move ornaments so that their shadows are more pronounced
I stay awake until the early hours watching minor Westerns; anything to avoid getting into a cold, empty bed
I play the records you always find too melancholy - Red House Painters, Stars Of The Lid
Forget to take my medicine
And then I walk up the hill and stand on the street corner in all weathers as if, like a lighthouse, I can somehow miraculously show you the way back
The clock sometimes seems to hold the seconds and the sky sometimes seems to hold the birds
When you leave me alone, I become who I was before - a two piece jigsaw with one piece missing
I plug in to the old answering machine to listen to friends I've lost
Their voices are like nettles on the heart
And in the bar you don't like, I talk about you too much and I know I'm talking about you too much but I can't shake you 'cos I don't want to shake you
I wear the same shirt for days, don't shave, sleep on the couch
I spend hours watching the dust in sunlight, thinking: will this dust last longer than both of us?
When you leave me alone, I retract
I'm okay for a couple of hours and then, like a fog, your absence erases all the details
And I can't keep warm