The Adventures of Planky

(spoken [with sung/spoken backing vocals])
A lump of plankton set off one day in search of adventure and fun. His friends and family and all the folks in the plankton town shook their heads and cast knowing glances to each other, but said nothing. They all knew that the little lump of plankton would just have to learn the hard way. (Plankton town, plankton town)

After a short amount of time, Planky came across a stick of wood, screaming in pain.

"What's the matter?" inquired Planky.

"Termites!" screamed the unhappy little stick. "Help me, please!" (Little termites, little termites)

The little lump of plankton thought to himself for a long moment, then said, "Hey, termites, did you see the delicious yule log that somebody threw out over there? I'll bet it's just itching to be eaten by a bunch of hungry termites!"

Planky's ruse fooled the nasty little termites, who hightailed it over to the terrified yule log while maliciously singing Christmas carols loudly and off-key and messing up most of the words. (La la la la la la...)

"Thank you!" said the stick. "Thank you so much! What's your name?"

"I'm a plucky lump of plankton and my name is Planky Smith."

"My name is Sticky," said the stick. "Let's be friends and go and have fun and adventures."

"Why, that is just what I set out to do this morning!" said the plucky lump. "Let's go!"

A short while later, the two new friends came upon a puddle of stagnant water with maggots flying over it. It smelled ghastly, and it was all that our young adventurers could do to walk quickly past the disgusting mess without puking. (Stagnant water, stagnant water, stagnant water, stagnant water)

"Yi!" said the stick.

"You said it, Sticky!" said the plucky lump.

Just then, a monkey jumped down from a tree. "Hi!" said the monkey. "I'm invisible!"

"No you're not," said the stick. "I can see you."

"Where?" said Planky. "I don't see anything."

"Okay, so I'm only partially invisible," said the monkey.

"Oh, well, I'm Sticky, and this here is Planky," said the stick. "We were off in search of fun and adventure. What's your name?"

"I'm Monkeyey." (Monkeyey)

"Hi, Monkey!" said Planky.

"I'm over here now!" said the monkey, who enjoyed playing little tricks on those who could not see him. "And it's pronounced 'Monkey-ee,' not 'Monkey.'" (Monkeyey)

"Oh. Okay, well, anyway, would you like to come with us?" said Planky, who was by now beginning to hope that the wiseass partially invisible monkey with the stupid name had other plans.

"No thanks," said Monkeyey. "I think I'll go play in that puddle of stagnant water and eat some maggots." (Stagnant water, stagnant water)

"Yi!" said the stick.

"You said it, Sticky!" said Planky. "Let's skedaddle!"

About an hour and a half later, the plucky lump of plankton and the termite-scarred-for-life stick were starting to get way bored.

"What do you say we turn around and go back?" said Planky.

"Just what I was thinking," said the stick. "This is totally lame." (Lame)

"Yeah, but at least we're friends."

"Actually," said the stick, "my natural instinct, as a stick, is to beat you to a pulp. That is one of the things I, as a stick, like to do."

And with that, the stick chased the plucky lump of plankton most of the way home, occasionally giving him quite a whack in the plankton.

By the time Planky had eluded the stick and made his way back home, everybody in his town had eaten dinner, watched a great movie on television, and was just about ready for bed. They greeted the prodigal plankton with open arms and a lot of derisive laughter and ridicule. For years afterwards, people would rib the plankton about his "wonderful and exciting adventure." (Prodigal plankton, prodigal plankton, prodigal plankton, prodigal plankton)

The unlucky lump of plankton never really got over the psychological damage that the whole episode cost him, and was agoraphobic and a lot less plucky for the remainder of his non-eventful life. (Agoraphobia)