This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm you know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
Now you know where I've been
As you sleep shine I am
Waiting down patiently
Born of love
You know I'm you know I'm not dead
I'm just living in my head
Forever waiting on the ways of your desire
You always find your way
And through it all into us all you move
Forgotten touch, forbidden thought
We can never, ever know
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm, you know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
Down below the creatures scream
Strangehold of God's machines
Begging to tear us out
Worn as hope
You know I'm, you know I'm not dead
I'm just the tears inside your head
Forever waiting on the ways of your desire
You always find a way
And through it all, into us all you move
Forgotten touch, forbidden thought
We can never, ever know
You know I'm not dead
We all want to hold in the everlasting gaze
Enchanted in the rapture of his sentimental sway
But underneath the wheels lie the skulls of every cog
The fickle fascination of an everlasting God
You know I'm not dead
I'm just living in my head
Forever waiting, forever waiting a cruel death
You know I'm not dead
I'm just living for myself
Forever waiting
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm you know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
Now you know where I've been
As you sleep shine I am
Waiting down patiently
Born of love
You know I'm you know I'm not dead
I'm just living in my head
Forever waiting on the ways of your desire
You always find your way
And through it all into us all you move
Forgotten touch, forbidden thought
We can never, ever know
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm, you know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
Down below the creatures scream
Strangehold of God's machines
Begging to tear us out
Worn as hope
You know I'm, you know I'm not dead
I'm just the tears inside your head
Forever waiting on the ways of your desire
You always find a way
And through it all, into us all you move
Forgotten touch, forbidden thought
We can never, ever know
You know I'm not dead
We all want to hold in the everlasting gaze
Enchanted in the rapture of his sentimental sway
But underneath the wheels lie the skulls of every cog
The fickle fascination of an everlasting God
You know I'm not dead
I'm just living in my head
Forever waiting, forever waiting a cruel death
You know I'm not dead
I'm just living for myself
Forever waiting
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
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It sounds like 'the everlasting gaze' is like people gazing towards an idea of the afterlife and a kinda a reliance on god to be there and what not.
and - i reckon the song is kinda as well asking the question 'where is the big man?' and sorta going through life with this 'fickle fascination of an everlasting god' to get us through.
but yeah, its a MASSIVE! song whatever it means :)