This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
Send this smile over to you
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
What I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
Send this smile over to you
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
What I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
Add your thoughts
Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.
Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!
More Featured Meanings
The Night We Met
Lord Huron
Lord Huron
Son Şansın - Şarkı Sözleri
Hayalperest
Hayalperest
This song seemingly tackles the methods of deception those who manipulate others use to get victims to follow their demands, as well as diverting attention away from important issues. They'll also use it as a means to convince people to hate or kill others by pretending acts of terrorism were committed by the enemy when the acts themselves were done by the masters of control to promote discrimination and hate. It also reinforces the idea that these manipulative forces operate in various locations, infiltrating everyday life without detection, and propagate any and everywhere.
In general, it highlights the danger of hidden agendas, manipulation, and distraction, serving as a critique of those who exploit chaos and confusion to control and gain power, depicting a cautionary tale against falling into their traps. It encourages us to question the narratives presented to us and remain vigilant against manipulation in various parts of society.
Cajun Girl
Little Feat
Little Feat
Overall about difficult moments of disappointment and vulnerability. Having hope and longing, while remaining optimistic for the future. Encourages the belief that with each new morning there is a chance for things to improve.
The chorus offers a glimmer of optimism and a chance at a resolution and redemption in the future.
Captures the rollercoaster of emotions of feeling lost while loving someone who is not there for you, feeling let down and abandoned while waiting for a lover. Lost with no direction, "Now I'm up in the air with the rain in my hair, Nowhere to go, I can go anywhere"
The bridge shows signs of longing and a plea for companionship. The Lyrics express a desire for authentic connection and the importance of Loving someone just as they are. "Just in passing, I'm not asking. That you be anyone but you”
Mountain Song
Jane's Addiction
Jane's Addiction
Jane's Addiction vocalist Perry Farrell gives Adam Reader some heartfelt insight into Jane’s Addiction's hard rock manifesto "Mountain Song", which was the second single from their revolutionary album Nothing's Shocking. Mountain song was first recorded in 1986 and appeared on the soundtrack to the film Dudes starring Jon Cryer. The version on Nothing's Shocking was re-recorded in 1988.
"'Mountain Song' was actually about... I hate to say it but... drugs. Climbing this mountain and getting as high as you can, and then coming down that mountain," reveals Farrell. "What it feels to descend from the mountain top... not easy at all. The ascension is tough but exhilarating. Getting down is... it's a real bummer. Drugs is not for everybody obviously. For me, I wanted to experience the heights, and the lows come along with it."
"There's a part - 'Cash in now honey, cash in Miss Smith.' Miss Smith is my Mother; our last name was Smith. Cashing in when she cashed in her life. So... she decided that, to her... at that time, she was desperate. Life wasn't worth it for her, that was her opinion. Some people think, never take your life, and some people find that their life isn't worth living. She was in love with my Dad, and my Dad was not faithful to her, and it broke her heart. She was very desperate and she did something that I know she regrets."
I Can't Go To Sleep
Wu-Tang Clan
Wu-Tang Clan
This song is written as the perspective of the boys in the street, as a whole, and what path they are going to choose as they get older and grow into men. (This is why the music video takes place in an orphanage.) The seen, and unseen collective suffering is imbedded in the boys’ mind, consciously or subconsciously, and is haunting them. Which path will the boys choose? Issac Hayes is the voice of reason, maybe God, the angel on his shoulder, or the voice of his forefathers from beyond the grave who can see the big picture and are pleading with the boys not to continue the violence and pattern of killing their brothers, but to rise above. The most beautiful song and has so many levels. Racism towards African Americans in America would not exist if everyone sat down and listened to this song and understood the history behind the words. The power, fear, pleading in RZA and Ghostface voices are genuine and powerful. Issac Hayes’ strong voice makes the perfect strong father figure, who is possibly from beyond the grave.
Here's a Billy Corgan (lead singer of SP) quote about the song: "It’s about chopping off somebody’s arms.. g The reason I wrote Disarm was because, I didn't have the guts to kill my parents, so I thought I'd get back at them through song. And rather then have an angry, angry, angry violent song I'd thought I'd write something beautiful and make them realize what tender feelings I have in my heart, and make them feel really bad for treating me like shit. Disarm's hard to talk about because people will say to me 'I listen to that song and I can't figure out what it's about.' It's like about things that are beyond words. I think you can conjure up images and put together phrases, but it's a feeling beyond words and for me it has a lot to do with like a sense of loss. Being an adult and looking back and romanticizing a childhood that never happened or went by so quickly in a naive state that you miss it."
@dsfire That is deep
@dsfire I cried reading this, and of course the song was playing in youtube
I used to be obsessed with Smashing Pumpkins when I was in my teens and SP was the first concert I ever attended. I don't have a source but I do remember reading about this song years and years ago and Billy's commentary added so much more meaning to the song. I don't know where I read it or how accurate it is but the lyrics do seem to support it.
As I recall, Billy's childhood was not ideal and he lived in an abusive home.
"Disarm you with a smile" refers to Billy's attempt to disarm his parents' abuse by smiling thereby keeping everyone happy and reducing the chance of conflict/violence.
"I used to be a little boy. So old in my shoes" is referring to Billy having to grow up too soon which is typical in abusive homes. Children become adults long before they should have to.
"The killer in me is the killer in you" refers to Billy contemplating a vicious & violent retaliation towards his parents while they slept but recognizing that the concept of violence to solve issues is what his parents have taught him through their abusive behavior. He sees that the violent thoughts he observed were only created as a result of poor parenting. If he hurt his parents, he'd continue the cycle and nothing would improve. Billy chose to break the cycle which can be seen in the lyrics "what I choose is my choice" or "what I choose is my voice."
A beautiful song despite the sad story behind it.
Such a great interpretation! Sometimes I want to ignore the actual meaning of that song but it's almost impossible don't associate to Billy's hard childhood. Have you ever heard 16 Volt x Spahn Ranch version? It's available on youtube.
Great reading. :)
Billy Corgain said this song is about him and his father's relationship when he was a kid
they no like each other
i think it's about society has no room for childishness, how society "disarms" him of his childish behaviour when he grows up and cuts that part of him out, which is also a part of them. and then the years burn (go by) and he's left feeling sad that his youth is gone.
first time i heard this i thought it was about a school shooting, with a kid using violence to express his feelings (what i choose is my voice)
what this song means to me?? well it meant a hell of a lot back to me when i was like 14ish and id just started listening to rock music, this may sound stupid and it seems silly now but a lot of people hassled me for listening to this music and i thought this song just showed a lot of beauty and not what people would typically think from rock music...... there was a line that meant more to me than anything "i used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes, wat i choose it is MY choice, whats a boy supposed to do??" it was just like how i felt i had to do what i wanted and that i should ignore what anyone said to me about it if i felt it was right. So basically choosing what you want and growing up.
Second of all i related it to a relationship and how the woman feels that the man is being immature and she feels that its time he grew up and he feels that a part of him is dying. She says she'll leave him if he doesnt start acting more mature and so she does, well theyre on a break to see if he'll grow up and she goes out with someone else for a while and then she comes back to her boyfriend and see's that hes matured but she's still going out with this other guy and she gets rid of him for her original boyfriend but he spites her back by not getting back with her, cos he feels she betrayed him he didnt want the break and he withered alone in denial. Anyway i could probably intepret it to a million different situations and those are just a few, songs are intepreted different for everyone.
another song from the perspective of a child, I like the "disarm you with a smile" concept. A powerful song inflicting emotion on everyone. If you vent emotion with truth, just purpose, and a high quality, artistic, unique take on something that almost everyone can relate to, you do have something. Who here putting or reading comments on this song didn't have some sort of negativity attached to their childhood?
I feel as though I can really relate to this song, or should I say, I feel as though I can relate to this feeling. Because that's really what I get from this song, feeling. I mean, having bad parents/ parents that hurt you (physically or emotionally), is a very hard thing to go through. It can be confusing. It can make you feel so lost. It can make you feel so helpless. I remember growing up, which can really be a tough thing to do on its own... I can remember being so angry, but how being angry didn't change my parents. I could get so angry, but it didn't stop them from hurting me. There was one point when I wanted to hurt myself, out of spite, being so angry at my parents- like, "I'll show you, you'll be sorry for hurting me, I may not be able to hurt you, but look how hurt you made me hurt myself." But besides that, there's this really tender aspect to it. Like, deep down inside your just a kid, a kid trying to make his way in the world, only ever wanting the best.
@whatsarahsaidxox Same man i understand how u feel
"The killer in me is the killer in you"
God, even after all these years, that lyric still hurts. I think that, since this is proven to be about domestic abuse from a parent towards a child, it refers to birth; when he is born, he kills the parents on their insides because they never wanted him. But when he kills their spirits, he realizes they kill him - someone clearly innocent - as well, making them far worse than the helpless child they sired.
It's about Billy Corgan's painful childhood.
i like the idea of an abandoned person contemplating suicide. thats what i get from this song, totally relate