When I am Queen

My Interpretation on this is that the narrator in the song used to be with a girl that he loved so much and but during that time he was one of the cool guys at school that lived freely(partying and alcohol, etc.) and he wasn't really able to get over his former glory. on the other hand, his girlfriend/ex matured, and started thinking about their future and got a job/career. and since he became much like an alcoholic bum of a sort, he got jealous with the girl having to work all the time having no time for him so didn't felt like "he mattered to her". somewhere in there, they broke up. so one night he went to her place all drunk so he's got this "too drunk to drive" excuse to stay. Trying to somehow patch things between them by telling her that she was "the best he ever had" and that he's really sorry for having "blew up" their relationship years ago, or else they'd still be together. On the second verse he was trying to tell her that all he really want is to be with her and that he has somehow improved that if she'd take him back, he'd no longer drink and sleep around and if she'll accept that he's still in the process of picking himself up and not to expect a great make over, then she might not be let down. The chorus is his way of telling her that they can still do what they used to find exiting or an adrenaline rush and that by doing so, even if the past is gone, they might still be able to pick-up some of the pieces of their past and replace their past failures with a renewed love to take it's place. The last part he says, "she took my heart", means he never got over her and probably never will. The line "there's only one thing I couldn't start", means that he couldn't actually start the conversation with her because he was too drunk to think straight and all of these words were just running inside his head and these were all the things he wanted to tell her.

So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new. This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus. Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness". The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1. All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy. And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns) There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.

Like a lot of the other comments are saying, I think this mainly about voyeurism. If the song was about his girlfriend, then why would he use the word spy. If you are a spy it means you shouldn't be caught, that is kind of the whole point, and if you are a voyeur, the whole point of the pleasure you get from it, is the fact that the other people don't know you are watching them. See a bit of a connection there?

Overall about difficult moments of disappointment and vulnerability. Having hope and longing, while remaining optimistic for the future. Encourages the belief that with each new morning there is a chance for things to improve. The chorus offers a glimmer of optimism and a chance at a resolution and redemption in the future. Captures the rollercoaster of emotions of feeling lost while loving someone who is not there for you, feeling let down and abandoned while waiting for a lover. Lost with no direction, "Now I'm up in the air with the rain in my hair, Nowhere to go, I can go anywhere" The bridge shows signs of longing and a plea for companionship. The Lyrics express a desire for authentic connection and the importance of Loving someone just as they are. "Just in passing, I'm not asking. That you be anyone but you”

I think much like another song “Anti-Matter” (that's also on the same album as this song), this one is also is inspired by a horrifying van crash the band experienced on Nov 3, 2022. This, much like the other track, sounds like it's an extension what they shared while huddled in the wreckage, as they helped frontman Garrett Russell stem the bleeding from his head wound while he was under the temporary effects of a concussion. The track speaks of where the mind goes at the most desperate & desolate of times, when it just about slips away to all but disconnect itself, and the aftermath.