Hate To Feel

This is about Layne's unhealthy drug filled relationship with his father.

"All this time I swore I'd never be like my old man" - as a teenager, layne rarely saw his dad and swore to himself that he'd never use drugs and become a failure like his father.

After Layne became famous, his father who he hadnt seen in 22 years, came back and used him for drugs. Layne was trying to change his life around and come clean but he wanted his father to accept him so he started doing drugs again with his old man.

I absolutely love AIC lyrics, in this song I see a struggle to be clean. When you first do, all emotions suppressed come in a flood. Dope sick isn't the hard part, it's dealing with all that hate for what you've become. "so climb walls, thin my blood now, and I crawl back to bed now" sounds like detoxing...as well as the "aching pain in my chest." Then they go into how it starts as curiousity and before you know it "now the shits sustanence" meaning it's keeping him alive... Numbing his hate turned him into what he hates... And being sober makes you stare that reality in the face...

I'm sure this song is about regret and drugs and degredation trips, as are most alice songs. Layne at this point is describing his denial and confusion as he's slowly degrading himself with drugs and past suffering. he feels as if he doesn't deserve to live, because he is just another junkie...a machine with a constant ritual. "new orleans gotta get pincushion medicine(refers to heroin) used to be curious. now the shit's substanance". he explains how he got to be an addict in this line. he also hints that his father may have had a drug problem as well "all this time i swore i'd never be like my old man. what the hey, it's time to face exactly who i am".

The song has a unique rythym to it. Really catchy song, one of my favorite AIC songs which is saying alot.

I don't think it's about suicide (although it's possible). When you take heroin, you become numb to the world.

Looking at the lyrics to Dirt, it feels like a miracle that Staley didn't kill himself. I guess he did end up killing himself with drugs. He was such an amazing artist.

"Plastic Man, Paper Face."

I always thought this showed how messed up he was with drugs that he was not a real person, basically.

"Candy heart, what a waste"

I think that line shows that he knew he was a good guy but the drugs overtook him, what a waste.

Those are favorite lines.

The first verse is about him caving in and going on it again. He gets to puke because he didn't do it for a while. It knocks him on his ass, and he remembers why he loves it.

He caves, drowns himself in his wake, if you will. He wants to quit, but doesn't know how. Shaggy DA, is a hair of the dog reference. Ever wake up with a hangover and have some ahole tell you "A little hair of the dog is just what you need!" Well, that IS what a herion adict needs. Plastic man, paper face, candy heart what a waste. He's high and he's "functioning" in society, but just barely there. Watch ANY of his interviews, really, seriously. He's in the room but he ain't there. Gotta change, set a date, Eat my cake, lick my plate. Pure bargining. I'll quit again tomorrow so I'm fine doing smack again this time. Seriously, this time I WILL quit again tomorrow, no problem. I mean it! I've got a plan, can I shoot up now?

Stare at me with empty eyes or point your words at me. Sure I F'ed up and you caught me...Again (and again and again and again) And now you're going to tell my what a piece of shit I am. Great. There is no love in those eyes, only frustration, anger and hatred (because this is probably the 10 millionth time I've promised I'm not going to do this again). Mirror on the wall I think is double edged. I've been scared of my own reflection more times then I care to mention, and I think we all think Layne knew who he was. But I think it's pointed more toward the empty eyed pointer of words being an F'ing hypocrite, not being able to quit smoking, or drinking, or what ever wonderful adictive substance they've got themselves into. Or perhaps another heroin adict telling him to quit (he was surrounded by the "Sober" through most of his musical career).

The second verse and on is him being doped up. Constantly. So climb walls (I've gotta get my fix). Thin my blood down (FINALLY, there it is!). And I crawl back to bed now (I'm just going to sit back and be high, and probably catch a little nap).

Hell, rest, bug, pet - His body slowly eating itself as often happens to heroin addicts, thus the "heroin shiek" skinny as hell, hasn't eaten in three months look that most sport. Your body just brakes down for malnutrition, heroin itself, dysentarey, needle swapping with people with what ever kinds of diseases (always felt like a little bit of an aids reference too, though I don't believe he had aids) and a whole host of other shit that if H don't do it, something else will. I don't think any of us need New Orleans and on explained.

Someone spoke about the "Old man" line. They were right, but wrong times. He was 21 when the old man came back into his life, not 22 years later as they noted (I think it was 15 years, but I wasn't there). He had just hit it big, and the old man just wanted to mooch smack or money off of him. Well, Dad, if you're going to pick up some heroin with my money, you can at least bring it back so I can shoot some too. That really began the final downward spiral.

Repeat the second prechours on to show the cycle. Get up, find smack, do smack, go to sleep, get up, find smack, do smack, go to sleep. I can/hate to see (I had to open my eyes and look for smack) I can/hate to feel (I had to NOT be on smack). Wish I couldn't see at all (wish I was on smack and asleep) wish I couldn't feel at all (wish I had my body numbed by being on smack).

The artistry of Layne is that he put his life out there for you (and him).

awesome song. i think he is saying simply he hates to feel exactly as the song name says. everything sucks and he goes to herroin to make it better.

i dont really kno what the whole song is about...i just got this part figured out:

Mirror on the wall will show you What you're scared to see

its saying that the person is scared of themself, and they are scared to face what they are.

Yeah pin cushion medicine, heroin.

The way the song is put together, absolutely beautiful.