Sitting on an angry chair
Angry walls that steal the air
Stomach hurts and I don't care
What do I see across the way, hey?
See myself molded in clay, oh
Stares at me, yeah, I'm afraid
Changing the shape of his face, oh yeah
Candles red, I have a pair
Shadows dancing everywhere
Burning on the angry chair
Little boy made a mistake, yeah
Pink cloud has now turned to gray, oh
All that I want is to play, hey
Get on your knees, time to pray, oh
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
Lost my mind, yeah
But I don't mind, I-I-I
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I
Corporate prison, we stay, yeah
I'm a dull boy, work all day
So I'm strung out anyway, hey
Loneliness is not a phase
Field of pain is where I graze
Serenity is far away
Saw my reflection and cried
So little hope that I died, oh
Feed me your lies, open wide, hey
Weight of my heart, not the size, oh
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
Lost my mind, yeah
But I don't mind, I-I-I
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I
Pink cloud has now turned to gray
All that I want is to play
Get on your knees, time to pray, boy
Angry walls that steal the air
Stomach hurts and I don't care
What do I see across the way, hey?
See myself molded in clay, oh
Stares at me, yeah, I'm afraid
Changing the shape of his face, oh yeah
Candles red, I have a pair
Shadows dancing everywhere
Burning on the angry chair
Little boy made a mistake, yeah
Pink cloud has now turned to gray, oh
All that I want is to play, hey
Get on your knees, time to pray, oh
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
Lost my mind, yeah
But I don't mind, I-I-I
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I
Corporate prison, we stay, yeah
I'm a dull boy, work all day
So I'm strung out anyway, hey
Loneliness is not a phase
Field of pain is where I graze
Serenity is far away
Saw my reflection and cried
So little hope that I died, oh
Feed me your lies, open wide, hey
Weight of my heart, not the size, oh
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
Lost my mind, yeah
But I don't mind, I-I-I
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I
Pink cloud has now turned to gray
All that I want is to play
Get on your knees, time to pray, boy
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"I don't mind, yeah(x4), Lost my mind, Can't find it anywhere, but I don't mind" It's just poetic (brilliant) clever writing playing on the metaphor of "losing" one's mind, then not being able to find it, and then driving the metaphor home with the play on words of not "minding" - his disturbing awareness that he's destroying himself and he doesn't care. Heartbreaking stuff. I've read what his last years were like. He didn't go out like John Belushi who unintentionally OD'd. According to the few friends who he'd let visit, he just wasn't interested in saving himself. He just played it out until the end.
"Corporate prison we stay, I'm a dull boy work all day, So I'm strung out anyway" Again, pretty spot on. My only additional take on it is that his pain was one f the driving sources of their music and their success. Record company says, "Great album! Sales are through the roof! Give us more!" Kind of like Kurt Cobain with, "Rape me" I'm strung out if I keep this all in, I'm strung out if I make music about it.
"Saw my reflection and cried, So little hope that I died" Even thinking about this one too long gives me chills. "please say that the only reason I look this awful is that I'm dead. "
"Weight of my heart not the size." I don't think this is a "lighter" lyric. I see it as another lament. "People love me, say that I'm awesome, that I have a big heart, that I help them by expressing their pain - but inside the only truth is that my heart isn't big, it's just heavy as hell. It hurts all the time. I take heroin to escape it for a while, but that is just making it all heavier"
Props to you Noggin (3 years later) I'm sorry you had a dark enough period in your life to make some of these lyrics so obvious. I had my own dark moments, thankfully never this dark, but dark enough to also be able to see the story here so clearly. I hope that you have continued to do well and continue to move away from that dark period.
A second thing is that "clay" is an archaic poetic term for flesh. So that kind could be about him observing the harsh, sick reality of his body. This agrees with the reflection line.
Whilst people who flag AIC as just a "grunge band with some easy riffs" their music has always been something more. It's music like this that people overlook. The difference between the simple death-row interpretation and your description is what separates those who understand, and can live the music, from those who only hear it.
I don't know as much as you, and I've certainly got a lot of my own darkness left to go through, but everything you've said is true. The lyrics that hit home the most for me are "Loneliness is not a phase, Field of pain is where I graze, serenity is far away." Knowing inside yourself that the darkness isn't going to end soon, accepting that you have to feed off of your own sadness just to get by, just to feel something.
"See myself molded in clay. Stares at me, yeah I'm afraid." is another set that really digs deep. Sometimes i would just sit in a room for hours on end, just staring at myself in a piece of glass, confronting that face. Staring through the reflection into the vast emptiness behind my eyes. It's not the same, but the lyrics remind me of this.
I could go on a little more but I'm just too drained from everything to delve into it...
Never tried heroin, and thanks to the songs from the "dirt" album -among others-, I don't intend to. Song like "Dumb" by Nirvana remind me how tired I am of having to find shortcuts around my own misery just to face daily life, adding drugs to that list wouldn't help and I don't want to give up, not yet...
"Serenity is far away" but maybe, just maybe, I can get close... I have to, not just for me, hell maybe not even for me at all. But I have to try... I have to...
Great analysis.
A lot of people like to belittle his songs in their meaning by saying that they are simply all about drugs or what have you, but his songs were about his life and his experiences. Clearly, his struggle against drug addiction and the toll that drugs took on his life were a major part of his life. But within that story, there are themes of hopelessness and hope, of weakness and strength, of sin and redemption. That's why Layne Staley is an important musician and poet of our times, a severely misunderstood and underappreciated one at that.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
By the way, I think:
"Corporate prison, we stay, hey
I'm a dull boy, work all day, oh
So I'm strung out anyway, hey"
Could be a report of something somebody else said in one of his meetings in rehab. Layne wasn't exactly a dull boy working all day in a corporate world. But in AA/NA meetings, it is pretty common to hear a business guy say something like this.