An Open Letter

I never told you I loved you, but not for lack of it being true. Chances half are that you wouldn't believe me, and who could blame you? I know that we'll never be together again, and even the chances of our being friends again seem slim. I don't know that I'd want to wish myself on you anyway. I know you'd hate who I've become. I do. I thought I wanted the freedom of being single and being able to do...whatever. I can't believe I threw away what I had with you for one morning with her. I had this idea that when you graduated we'd get married and have 2.5 kids. That's what I really believed. One hundred per cent. Honest to god, I wish I still could. March 6 was the worst day of my life. Do you recall? That was the date I got that letter from you. I was in the middle of a new song, and I just dropped my pen and pick and stared. I couldn't move for a good ten minutes, until Cat came in the room. I fell to a million and ten pieces and it was all my fault. You were that important to me, Jessica. I don't get much sleep at night, because I spend far too much time staring at the pillow next to mine and wishing your head was lying there. I don't know if I'm still in love with you, do you? I cried a couple of days ago for the first time in a long, long while. It wasn't over seeing you, but instead the first time we met. That was one of the best days of my life, hugging you good-bye.