Pushit (Live)

I thought that this version was so much better

I get chills listining to this song, live. God damn my memory i cant remember if he sang it at the concert about 1/4 year ago! Anyways i like the last 2 minuts of the song it gets so incredibly emotional, i sing along even though i can't. =)

I've been creepin around this sight a bit and decided to give you my interpretation of this song, It's gonna be pretty long, but maybe someone will find it useful and avoid the situation he is singing about. I've been married to an amazing woman for 8 years and never regretted it once. We used to eat mushrooms and listen to this song (among many other tool songs, but this one really stood out) Being a guitarist, I never paid much attention to lyrics. Little did I know we would be playing this situation out.

About 5 years ago my band started playing shows and doing little mini tours across the country. Meanwhile, my marriage was crumbling slowly. There were things that we couldn't see eye to eye on. In retrospect, I was scared by it. I started to move away from my wife emotionally. I couldn't take her on the road with me when we would make trips to other states. It hurt her, and all I could see was she wasn't being supportive. That was a crock of shit. So when I "saw that gap" I "managed to push myself away" and her as well. The gap scared me, I didn't want to admit it. I masked it with whiskey.

I became a terriable drunk. I would get angry for no reason and just scream at her. Now, at the same time, the good times outweighed the bad, but it still cracked the foundation. A situation arose with her ex who had just moved back. I had been reassured over and over and over that everything was ok. But I later found out that they were having an "emotional affair" on the side. It crushed me. I told her I forgave her. But I still harbored a grudge in my heart that lead to so much mental abuse. I disrespected her in every way. It changed her and no matter how hard I tried to make things right and rectify the situation, I couldn't get her back. We had grown so far apart. She had grown so cold.

When she grew cold, I grew angry. These were like armor for us. The venerable parts of us were hiding inside these shells. We got to the point where we wouldn't communicate when we were hurt by something, so we wouldn't have to go through a barn burner of a fight. We would make sure we had absoultly experienced enough to justify the fight and let months of problems come out at once. THat would drive us back into our shells. To me, that is what it means to "Take care not to make me enter, If I do we both may dissappear."

I tried to accept things the way they were. Accept that I was now married to a stranger. That led to much more problems. "I will choke until I swollow."

I realized that we were judging each other for the same behavior that we were each guilty for. Last week when I listened to this song again I understood. "who are you but my reflection, who am I to judge or strike you down"

Now, at this time, it was all just subtle. Things were still more good than bad. They weren't intense. THe music fits perfectly.I can see how all the events played out through the movements of the music. But just like the song, we moved into a more foreboding period. I began to contemplate suicide. I was so lonely sitting in the same room as her. I felt like she ment to slowly drive me to that point. "rest you trigger on my finger" translates to that and a few more meanings for me. It never mentions which way the gun is pointed.

I tried everything I could do to rectify things and close the gap. "bang my head upon the faultline" to me referrs to the time I spent beating myself up over why I couldn't change things or make them better. The fault line is the crack in our foundation that I had no idea where it had come from.

But love was never lacking. It was never a matter of not caring enough. It got to the point that the only time we could make a connection and feel anything was when we were angry at eachother. We were still intimate and that gave us brief moments of peace. "you still love me...you didn't mean to shit on me...I feel alive when you touch me...I feel alive when you hold me down again." Then we would find ourselves "slippin back into the gap again."

I ended up quiting the band (more or less) to try to be a better husband. I began DJing instead. It was something I could do to create and make my own decisions on. But things were still bad. So, I quit drinking. It wasn't hard. I just did it.
I felt like a mayrter though. Things got peaceful for a while. But so many times I would find myself saying "I just want my wife back" I didn't know why I would say that. She was right there. There were so many times when one of us would put ourselfs out there and be venerable and the other would start throwing daggers. I thought it was only me trying at the time. But she was too. Things got more crazy and out of control. Drugs were everpresent. Acid, extacy, mushrooms, opiates, coke. We made a friend (who became my best friend for a while) that hooked us up constantly with crazy shit. He eventually went to jail for a few months.

And my wife started going overboard with the opiates. When I looked at her I just saw a junkie. I wasn't any kind of saint. But when I hear this song, this is the period where things start to get a little more heated and intense. It got more so until I put my fist down and said I wanted the drugs out of the house. That sparked an arguement that there could be no agreement made on. That next day we were on our way to denver for a marriage encounters weekend. We came back a whole couple again with a few misconseptions. But the peace only lasted 2 days. I started drinking because I thought I wouldn't be tempted to go overboard and hurt her anymore. WRONG>

I dissappeared from the bar with a female friend while we went out looking for a party. We got lost in the country. Cell phones both dead. At one point we ended up on a golf cource driving around looking for an exit. We ended up 30 miles away by the town where this girl lived. I crashed on her couch and she took me back in the morning. I still can't ask my wife to believe me that nothing happened. I know what it looked like. But that is where we started to put each other where we didn't want to be. My wife didn't do anything to deserve a night of frantic calls wondering if I was in a ditch or in some other girl. I didn't mean to put her there either. I just made some terriable decisions. We both got suicidal. Or at least I did. It was a scary time. Many times I ended up with a 9mm in my hand. I scared myself. "Never want to see that place again."

This part is where things got intense for us. My "best friend" got out of jail soon after we started to get things worked out. He was supposed to stay for a week or two, but four months later he was still here. Things were ok though, until I got suspended from work for a few weeks. We had to use the last of my money to buy some MDMA to sell so we could make ends meet. Things derailed there. We got greedy. I ended up doing things I swore to myself I would never do. We got greedy. And one day at work I realized that this was all wrong.

In the end I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I set an alarm for 330 in the morning and come down to find my wife making out with my friend. THey had been sleeping together for a week. I found myself trying to forgive. We tried to work it out. I felt so low. No self esteem. I didn't know if I could ever forgive that betrayal. I felt like a fool for staying. "If when I say I might feel like a sigh if I stay..."

Almost a month later things came to a head. I couldn't get that image out of my head. And I just kept taking little jabs at her over it. We found out later that it was all about survival. She had put up that cold uncareing exterior so as not to get hurt. I took jabs and hid behind this godlike judgemental mask so I wouldn't have to let myself get hurt.

"staring down the hole again, survival is my only friend, terrified of what may come."

That part of the song was the night we went to counceling and ended up locked in a room for 3 hours venting and screaming at eachother. We gave up on being polite and afraid of telling each other how we felt. We explained to one another how fearful we were of the other. "there's no love in fear."

But we almost destroyed ourselfs and one another. We both finally took the high road at the same time and worked things out. A few days later we ate some mushrooms together for the first time in several years. This song came on and we both lost it. We listened to the lyrics to this song that was so special to us and we saw the last 5 years play out and evolve through the lyrics and flows and ebbs of the music. And we both realized how narrowly we escaped the last 2 lines of the song.

And in the end, holding eachother and crying and tripping our faces off, there was the four members of tool clapping for us like they applaude the crowed at the end of every show.

I hope that wasn't too long. And I hope maybe someone will read this and see this song for the masterpiece it is. And heed his words. Please don't let this happen to you like I let it happen to me. Just take it for what it's worth. This is just what this song is to me.

I listen to Tool everyday. The are my favorite band As everyone should already know about the use of LSD by the band. Everyone interprets everything differently, I think this song has a lot to do with an LSD trip.

We've been trying something a little different this tour. We've been looking at one of our songs from a different angle, under a different light, so we can hopefully kind of see it almost for the first time. We'd like try that for you tonight, is that okay?

[self explanatory]

We're gonna need your help though. We're gonna need your help and your permission, so we need you to find a comfortable space, that is not only comfortable, but vulnerable. I want you to shut your eyes and go there, and we'll meet you on the other side..

[the other side, meaning in the other life, a new light, a somewhat religious experience]

Saw that gap again today. While you were begging me to stay. Take care not to make me enter. If I do we both may disappear.

[i saw the gap in the space in between my body and mind, if i enter the gap my inner being and outer self may both disappear]

Saw that gap again today. While you were begging me to stay Managed to push myself away And you as well, my dear And you, as well Pushed you away my dear

[i saw the gap in the space between my body and mind, while arguing with myself. I was able to free my body as well as my mind]

I will choke until I swallow Choke this infant here before me What are you but my reflection? Who am I to judge or strike you down?

[there is nothing else i can say, i am just a child inside. who am i talking to but my self? who am i to judge or strike you down?]

But you're pushing me And I'm shoving you And your pushing me And I'm shoving you

[im fighting with myself]

Rest your trigger on my finger, Bang my head upon the fault line You better take care not to make me enter If I do we both may disappear

[talking to self : help me to free myself, let me free myself. if i enter the gap my inner being and outer self may both disappear]

But you're pushing me And I'm shoving you And your pushing me And I'm shoving you

[im fighting with myself]

You still love me

We're pushing and were shoving And you're pushing and I'm shoving

You still love me

And were pushing and were shoving And I'm pushing as your shoving

[im fighting with myself]

And I'm slipping back into the gap again I feel alive when you touch me... I feel alive when you hold me... ...down

[im going back home, into the eye of the journey, i am at my peak]

Slipping back into you

I am somewhere I dont wanna be, yeah Put me somewhere I dont wanna be Push me somewhere I dont wanna be Seeing someplace I don't wanna see Never wanna see that place again...

[he saw himself and the world for what it truly is on this journey]

Saw that gap again today While you were begging me to stay Managed to push myself away, And you as well, my dear

[i saw the gap in the space in between my body and mind, if i enter the gap my inner being and outer self may both disappear]

If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay, You minimize my movement anyway, I must persuade you another way

[i am such a bigger person on the inside]

Pushing and Shoving and Pushing and Shoving and Pushing me

There's no love in fear.

[fighting with self]

Staring down the hole again. Hands are on my back again. Survival is my only friend. Terrified of what may come.

[im looking into the mirror, i feel the pressure, the only way out is to live, terrified of what may come]

Remember I will always love you, As I claw your fucking throat away. It will end no other way.

[love/hate relationship between ones self, and ones mind when running wild]

Like I said everyone can interpret it differently, please leave rude comments out of this, my vision may be different than everyone's, but its nice to look at it under a different light.

what a perfectly crafted organization of sound. so good to see a band willing to extend themselves and produce ten minute epics that ebb and flow with different moods and sounds, instead of bullshit 3 minute verse/chorus/verse excuses that pass for music nowadays.

Indeed, the Live version of Pushit is much better then the older version. My favorite Tool song ever.

omg this song is absolutely awesome. one of the best tool songs of all time. live specifically

this version of the song by far surpasses the original version. the majority of the song is amazingly relaxing and melodious while the ending is powerful and exhilerating. when i hear the line "theres no love in fear" i get such an adreniline rush.

The beginning of this song makes me cry, with his voice and the tablas (is that what those little drums are called?). I put it on the cd player and when he asks : "Is that ok?" I scream YES! at the top of my voice... :)

This is probably Tool's most beautiful and intense songs ever. You get such a surge when the song hits: "Staring down the hole again. Hands are on my back again. Survival is my only friend. Terrified of what may come. Remember I will always love you, As I claw your fucking throat away. It will end no other way."

The music and lyrics just fit together perfectly here and blow you away!