Well, I'm most likely heading back to juvie hall. Great. Just what AJ needs--another person to walk out on her. Damn. I'm an asshole.

There are times when you just have to say, "Fuck it," and get on with your life. Up until that very moment, that's what I intended to do. But he's my father, and I'll kill myself before anything happens to him. I'm not going to explain my reasoning, just know that I did what I thought needed to be done. I got hurt in the process, as did a few others. It's not the first time. I'll live. It didn't phase me before, and it's not now. If you think anything was learned from this experience--you're wrong. I'll do it again if I have to.

I lost it, for the first time today. That mentality I told you about? Crumpled.

Honestly, Dad. I don't know how you want me to reply to that. As much as it kills me to say this--I meant what I said in my last letter. I love you, but I don't respect you, and I don't trust you. Do what you have to do while you're locked up, and when you come out clean, you might get a little of it back. In the meantime, I want nothing to do with you.

Quote of the day: Hold on. Let me pull up Google Translate and translate that from tattle to English. --Jay

Texts between me and Sydd. Me: Hey. Sydd: Hey Sexy. Me: First of all--don't call me that. I was expecting more of a "hey ho" kind of response. Anyway, what's up? Sydd: kk hey hoe whats up Me: My house is haunted and it's freaking me out. :'( Sydd: Come stay with me at the beach house. Me: So you can rape me in my sleep? no thanks. Sydd: No i don't want to rape u but if you would too, i would fuck you. Moral of this journal entry: I need new friends.

I have finally made up my mind, that I've kept in the dark long enough. My story is one that should be told, and after some taking-over with the family and friends, I'm going to put it all down on paper. I've been needing to keep busy lately, and this is the perfect distraction. Hopefully I'll be able to finish this and somehow fill a gaping hole within me. Good luck to myself, and to anyone else in need of some luck.

It is so not my morning. EVERYTHING hurts. I'm seriously getting worried about these dizzy spells I'm having. Last night I ended up running into a cabinet and cut open the area of skin just above my eyelid. It didn't stop bleeding for almost forty-five minutes. Finally, when it did, my shirt was ruined and there was blood all over the floor--I've developed soft tissue over that area due to too many cuts, and head wounds bleed a lot anyway, so by the time AJ had run to the bathroom and gotten a towel, the blood had already run down my face and onto the floor. Plus, my back and neck hurt, though I'm really not sure why. I couldn't sleep last night, and I'm extremely tired. It's burning up in the house, and I have two kids to take care of until Mom and Jay get home from work. Yeah. It's gonna be a day.

There's a place called Heaven and a place called Hell. A place called prison and a place called jail. And Da-Da's probably on his way to all of em except one. --Eminem.

I honestly expected you to be bigger than this. Truth hurts, doesn't it? Yes, Taylor. It does.