My heart actually hurts. It's a real pain.

If you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question.

First day of freshman year. And I have to write a two-page essay on our geography. Smh. What the hell?

For me, hope is just another empty promise. If it was never there in the first place--it can't be broken. I have no desire to hope for anything. Ever.

Butterfly, Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Really--what's with all the f-this and f-that. Does your sister hear you talking that way? Geez--anyway..... Hahahaha. You're one to be talking! And yes, as a matter of fact, I do kiss my mother with this mouth. She don't give a damn.

Everything I do is caught on tape when I'm with Morgan. This really has got to end. Some things should not be on YouTube.

I'm not stupid, Mom. I'm not taking them because I'm not risking getting hooked on them like Dad. It's Hell on earth right now but in the long run, this is the right decision. Don't question me. I know what I'm doing.

I truly believe that something good comes out of everything--whether it breaks your heart or not. You live and you learn, and you have no regrets, because everything happens for a reason. I'm not going to waste time dwelling over the past or what might have been. I just want to live--and that's all.

Nothing sucks worse than standing in the rain with a broken heart--when someone leaves you stranded--when there's nothing you can do to fix it--when you're out there for so long it feels like a lifetime, and you're drenched, and chilled to the bone. Then reality hits, and you finally understand--you're on your own.

I just wanted you to know that whatever happens--I've always loved you, and I don't blame you. Part of who I am is always seeing the good in people, and while we've both made good and bad decisions, I never failed to see that you've had good intentions. You may not realize it now, but you've made me who I am. I remember we used to sit up on your bed all night talking about religion and beliefs. You cultivated--for lack of a better word--my mind. You gave me morals and principles that I still live by, and refuse to compromise. Growing up, you were my backbone--you were solid. As a child, I needed that. I thought you were indestructable--my Superman. It broke my heart to see you defeated. You were so weak, almost vulnerable. The kryptonite had won. For a while there, you walked in and out of my life. Finally, when you left for good, I was too stubborn to try and stop you. Believe me, I wanted to, but I refuse to be broken. You taught me that. I stay awake at night, thinking about you, and AJ, and I should have said something--anything to keep you. But I didn't, and now I can't redo that. But you also taught me to have no regrets, and I don't. There are things I wish I had done differently, but if I knew then, what I know now, I'd still be here, in this situation, totally clueless of what to do next. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I forgive you. I realize now that you've always had my back, and you never really gave up on me. I was stupid to think you were anything less than a good man. We have our differences--and don't get me wrong. You screwed over everyone I care about and you messed up big time, but I can see that you're making an effort to change it all--but I could never truly hate you. I'm not asking for your forgiveness, just that you hear me out. I love you, and I always will. --Butterfly.