I spent nearly two hours writing a journal entry, and it's gone. I don't think I have the energy to recreate it. I might try tomorrow. (futility)

escape velocity,
still eschewing lunacy, and
judging dissociative identity

Waiting for the next launch window

as a "no," then. That response proves to me that we could never be together, even after a sensible 6-12 month period while I get my sanity back to make sure you're not just a rebound. You don't even want it anymore. Or maybe you never did and I just imagined it all. I just wanted a shoulder to cry on and some affection. I wasn't trying to seduce you, but I wanted to leave the option open in case you were up for it. Reject me twice, and I stop trying.

and a sense of freedom. wanna live out some dreams?

are thoughtful and moving as always, but I'm afraid you can see only the best parts of me, even though I do my best to reveal my worst right here, and often in person. I do miss you. Missed the party because I heard The Horse would be an honored guest, and I've only been clean for a month. Last year at this time I had been around you for two days straight, and no jealous meddling friends had yet made a point to create a problem where there was none before. I miss how it felt before that. I still blame that person, perhaps unfairly. I try not to hold a grudge, but certain parts of me are shut off to him now. Like most people who hurt me, he only gets access to the public face. I guess maybe you know more about me than I realize.

storm and pessimism!

plans her escape, drowns in the river

a welcome relief.

I take one not offered