So, I haven't talked to Shawn all day. I am pretty sure he is losing interest in me. It will be different once he is here but I am sort of second guessing myself. What if I wait until May, for when he comes back, but for whatever reason he doesn't come back? What if I miss an oportunity that I wish I didn't? This blows. I wish he would just be the way he was when we first met. Going to the movies with Phil tomorrow! to see Paul :) I want to see it soooo bad!

I do remember that time in my life where I thought I would never be able to live without you. I was so in love with you. You were all I knew, all I had, all I wanted. It's been over a year now since we broke up, but I still think about you from time to time. I have moved on with my life, and you have with yours. I would love to see you again. I still love you, which is understandable because I was so in love with you before, it's just not the same. I think we could be friends if you just got over the past. I think that we are happier without each other, but I want you to know that I miss our friendship. I know that you have many girls that you like and want to be with, but in my heart, and in yours, we will always know how hard we fell for each other. I've never loved somebody so much, We are happy apart now though, I have moved on and met somebody who means so much to me. Shawn is an amazing person. I have fallen for him, harder than anyone since you, Alex. I could love this man. He is my twin. He keeps me sane, and keeps my hopes up high. He won't let me down. He won't hurt me. I don't date people who I don't think will make me happy, or who I don't think I would be with for a long time. That sounds crazy because I am 18 years old. But the reason I am on this earth is to have children and have a family. Shawn and I want that, and in a sense we want that together. I can't imagine him with anybody other than me, and I don't ever want to. In my heart I know I care for Shawn, I care more than anything else about him. He means so much to me, At the same time, I want to tell him I love him but I know I can't say that yet. I can't say that it's love because I need to be with him for a while, to know that what I say is what I fully mean. No more mistakes. No regrets, only love.

Shawn and I have been talking, like serious stuff. I really like him. I really really like him. He is perfect in every way in my eyes. He feels the same, or so he says. I cannot wait until I spend the entire summer with this boy. It will be perfect.

Senior skip day tomorrow :) thank god. I needed a break. Staying at beccas tonight and hanging out with her and phil :) getting wasted most likely, why not?! its st pattys day! Going to hang out with Rachel, Joe, Gabe and tyler tomorrow after work. Then maybe going to a party with Phil, but who knows. Pretty good day so far.

This guy from the concert on Sunday just asked me out to dinner this week. Not sure if I am interested, I really like Shawn. Maybe I will go just to make a friendship, that'd be nice :)

In such a good mood :) I am exhausted from last night but now I am just relaxing. Been texting Shawn and getting ready to dye my hair. It's going to be a chill night. Mike's coming over :D Have a good one ;)

concert was tonight. it was amazing. would not have changed anything about it. Met some really cool new people. One is Jarret, or jogging suit guy. Totally followed me around all night. Hes cute though so its all good. But he has a girlfriend, maybe i could change that bahahaha. not my intentions. It was a blast. Bruised my eye and the rest of my body but it was totally worthi it. I love a day to remember.

Shawn told me that he isn't interested in me anymore. That he'd like to talk and hang out when he gets home but thats really it. I don't understand how he could just be one way one day and then a complete different way the next. Why would he tell me that he misses me all the time. That he cannot wait for the summer. That he wants to be with me. Why would he tell me to call him babe or baby, and him call me the same? I do not understand at all. I cannot fathom why this happens. Is something wrong with me? Am I just not up to anybodys standards? What am I doing wrong? I don't trust anyone. I knew I couldn't trust him but I told myself over and over again, as he told me, that he is different. I was so wrong. I was so so wrong.

Right after I posted that last entry, Shawn texted me. God I don't know what is happening.

Still haven't tried talking to Shawn. I know I will just keep texting him until he answers, but I know its the reaction he wants from me. So I am deleting the number. We are still friends on facebook but I won't write on his. I have literally no idea why this happened. We go from talking all day every day to not talking for 3 days straight. It's strange. I was worried but now it's just whatever. He is just like every other guy I guess. And if he still thinks that when he comes back I am going to help him find a job, he's fuckin high. Going to get my mind off of him today and tomorrow. I am working til 8 tonight then probably hanging out with Becca. Tomorrow I will probably have to work all day then I am going to a concert :) I'm so stoked for that. Good god, fuck guys. College is right around the corner and things will change.