I talked to Taylor today, we have made up and I invited her on our Boston trip tomorrow. It's supposed to be shitty weather, but maybe it wont rain the whole time, so we can walk outside and go shopping and what not. I'm going to get some nice clothes and stuff for Sunday when I hang out with Jarrett. The next few days should be nice (:

Me and Jarrett didn't get to hang out last night, instead I went to my friend Kylees house to visit her and her new baby. Skyla is adorable. We held her til she fell asleep, and then watched Pretty Little Liars and 16 and Pregnant. She told me all about her pregnancy, and the painful parts, and the best parts. I can't wait to have kids of my own. Jarrett and I talk all day every day. We talk about our day, our night, best and worst parts of everything, and sex. Always briefly about sex though. We both know that when we hang out, we will end up messing around. He is so attractive, and not nearly as dumb as Kenny. We are planning on hanging out on Sunday after I work at 2. Hopefully my mom will let me take the car. I have decided that since I am working full time this summer, I will save all of my checks every week, for about a month, and only spend my tips, that way I can buy a car by the end of July. Speaking of the end of July, Mark, you all remember Mark, he is coming to visit a friend, and I can't wait to see him. I have been waiting for so long to see him, and I am finally able to. He will only be here for a week or two, but I will see him no matter what. He is a great friend to me, and he loves me haha. I can't wait.

My doggy died yesterday, I was very upset. Today I am off to hang out with Jarrett today (: He is so fucking hot.

Today I feel a little sad. I'm not sure why though. I just would like go out and do something. I kinda wish I had a boyfriend again:/

Started talking to Kenny, but he only wants to fuck. Which isnt that bad, but im not interested in banging somebody I have hung out with twice in my life time. Started talking to Jarrett too. God he is sooooo hot. I knew it right when I first saw him, and we flirted a shit ton, but he had a girlfriend. He added me on facebook after they broke up though, so thats a good sign (: I'd do him. In a heartbeat. It's one of those dream guys like Ryan Gossling :)

Lots has happened in the past few weeks. I graduated. I went to college. I met amazing people. I didn't want to leave. I started talking to somebody new. I am happy with my social life for the most part. I am starting to go to the gym every morning, in training for my 6am military fitness classes starting in September. I am excited to start my life all over again, and make it something amazing. College is going to be an amazing experience.

I am all set with having feelings for guys. I will not let myself develop anything, for anyone, because this is just getting rediculous. I am so sick of shit happening to fuck it up when I let myself feel for somebody. I just need to go to college now. I need to be outgoing. I need to be everything that I have been trying to hide to make other people happy. I just want to be what I really am.

Is it bad that I get frustrated when my mother doesn't give me anything for both my birthday and my graduation? Not about a present, but even a card? I get a card for my birthday days after. I never got a present, instead she changed her present to be a concert ticket that she bought for my ex boyfriend. That was MY 18th birthday present. Graduation, nope not even a card. When I called her out on it..."I've been busy." When literally all she did was sit outside today reading. Goddamn, I didn't realize I wasn't even important enough to get a fucking card.

graduation. Rhode Island, here I come.

so its been a few weeks since I have last written. Me and Jeff broke up. I am not ready to handle a relationship after all of the time I have been screwed over. I can't trust people. In addition to that I have finally told Becca that I never want to see/talk to her again. I have tried to be there and forget everything. I tried, honestly. But after Florida I have no reason to speak to her again. She was the worst friend that I have ever had. She is mad at me because she wants to date this guy Mike, who likes me, and I like him, but I don't want to date anybody. She's trying to get him from me and nothing more. Only because she just got fucked over by her "boyfriend from georgia who she was deeply in love with." But the only reason she is talking to Mike is because she knows we like each other. But after the last 3 times she fucked me over, I can't do it again. I can't trust her. But it's whatever to me. There are plenty of boys which will be going to URI next year, and also in the ROTC. I love men in uniform ;) Tomorrow is graduation. I am excited just to leave Westford and start my life over again in Rhode Island. Everything will fall into play this summer, and next year.