So Dan won't hang out with me tonight, which I figured. He wants to still talk but I told him flat out that if you was planning on just texting me on occassion and never actually going to hang out with me, then I'm not going to even bother. Why deal with that. uhg it sucks lol.

Fucking confusing. Guys suck lol. Dan is trying to tell me he doesn't think he wants to be just friends with me. WTF.

So I awoke to a text from Dan this morning, last night at his friends birthday he ran into his ex. Thankfully they didn't do anything because they both really think that it needs to be over, but he still has feelings for her. I could have figured he still has feeling for her, since they only broke up a few weeks ago, so thats not really the problem. He says that he doesn't want to hook up with me, cause he doesnt want to be that guy who fucks other people but still thinks about his ex. Which I totally understand, and I respect him for admitting it too. But the problem comes in when he doesn't know if he can hang out with me because he wants to hook up, because I'm so damn cute, so he says lol. Anthough I wouldn't ever try anything with him if he didn't want me to, or even hook up with him, even if he did want it, and I told him that, I don't know if he will hang out with me. I really hope he will cause 1, I like hanging out with him. I like walking around with him because he is adorable and I can show him off, and I also just like his company. and 2, because if he decides that he can't, it really sucks for me. and 3, its good for him, to live a little, and to hang out with other people in hopes that he realizes he is better off without his ex, not necessarily better to be with me, but with anybody because he is 23 years young and can't be stuck on something that neither of them REALLY want. I told him to think about everything and then let me know, I hope he thinks about everything that I have. We are just friends and I hate when my friends can't hang out with me for whatever reason! In all honesty, I'll be really upset. Please let him say he will still see meee :/

Hung out with Dan last night! He is sooo cute haha. I made a fool of myself of course, cause I SUCK. But we are hanging out tomorrow, thank godddd! :) He is taking me to a hidden beach a few towns over. It should be fun! I bought a new bra and underwear just for the occasion lol. Can't wait.

ENTER SHIKARI SO SO FUCKING GOOD.

So! Last summer I was dating Drew, if you didn't already know. He introduced me to his friends, and they all liked me, but things with him didn't work out. I saw one of his friends at Warped Tour on wednesday, and since then ive been talking to him like all day every day. I like this guy, I have always been interested in him but figured, he was a college boy and could do so much better than me. BUT! he has interest in me, always has. Thought that it wouldnt work out because i was dating his friend, but now, they arent friends, and me and drew aren't together, so things may start up between me and dan. I am really happy about it too! he is so cute, not usually my type. He is tattooed all over his arms, just graduated college from Hofstra, he is black too! (this may seem weird) but I live in a small ass town, and have seen probably 10 black people in my entire life. So this is a good thing! The world needs more interratial relationships. I am hanging out with him this week hopefully, if I can get a car considering he lives in the next town over. I cannot wait (:

Things aare changing, as of today. I am tired of buying extra large tshirts. I'm tired of buy size 14 jeans. I am tired of being self conscious when I walk outside, and when I am with my skinnier friends. I am tired of being somebody that I am not. Things are about to change. I've had this idea in my head, that the only thing I want to do before I die, is crowd surf to my all time favorite band, A Day To Remember. If I could do that, if I could crowd surf just once, more importantly to A Day To Remember, I would be perfectly content with my life at this point. My weight is not going to hold me back, not anymore.

Everything is changing, and I know it isn't really an issue because this is how things are supposed to happen. My best friend is moving to Virginia, and currently is down there. My other best friend is going to Georgia for college, and I am going to Rhode Island. It's scary thinking that everyone that I have once known, is going to be so far away from me. happier note = WARPED TOUR TODAY :)

So it has been a while since I have written, I'll fill you in. I hung out with Jarrett, we hooked up but havent really talked since then. It's just a waste of time. My birthday was on friday, I'm 19 now. I got hammered the passed couple of weekends, including last night before I went clubbing. I work every day which blows. Wednesday I am going to Warped Tour woooooo, and Friday I am getting my third tattoo :) Friday I am also going to Ipswitch to babysit with a friend until Sunday. Thats about it. Kaybye

I'm pretty pissed off. Jarrett just texted me saying he has to work tomorrow, but idk if I believe him. I feel like he just doesnt want to anymore. It's fucking annoying, but I can only do so much.