Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll look up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?" You won't cry for my absence, I know - You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Whispered: Can you stop the fire? Can you stand to fight her? You cant stop the fire, you wont say the words. Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, I breathe deep and cry out; "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?" Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you I'll wake without you there, Isn't something missing? Isn't something....... Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Whispered: Can you stop the fire? Can you stand to fight her? You cant stop the fire, you wont say the words.

Evanescence is a band Ive always liked. Amy Lees voice is haunting. Powerful. Soulful. Sad. Everything, I can be, used to be and am. Her music..hits home for me in alot of ways. Broken is a song, that just gives me the chills. You know..one of those songs where the lyrics say it like it is? Going under, call me when Im sober everybodys Fool...all very well put together songs. All powerful.

So soon, Just after you've gone My senses sharpen But it always takes So damned long Before I feel how much My eyes have darkened Fear hangs a plane of gunsmoke Drifting in our room So easy to disturb With a thought With a whisper... With a careless memory On the table Signs of love life scattered... And the walls break We go crashing within It's not as though-- As though you really mattered But being close, How could I let you go Without some feeling Some precious sympathy following Fear hangs a plane of gunsmoke Drifting in our room So easy to disturb With a thought With a whisper... With a careless memory I walk out into the sun I try to find a new day But the whole place It just screams in my eyes Where are you now? 'cause I don't want to meet you I think I'd die-- I think I'd laugh at you-- I think I'd cry-- What am I supposed to do, Follow you? Outside the thoughts Come flooding back now... I just try to forget you... So easy to disturb With a thought... With a whisper... With a careless memory...

Ive decided to use this site, for just music ramblings. That and clubbing ect. My inner feelings will be poured out on my diary.org

its a beautiful Day here in Southern Ontario. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping Its cool out.

To let go ..is the deepest love. To let them fly....and know its best for them. To let go...is to say I tried. Tried my best. Unhopeful. Never changing. Silence. Unpositive sad words are all I have left. My fingers are so tired of holding on. They are bleeding to the bone. That rope is full of blood. Ive held it for 8 months. Letting Go.....is the deepest love I can show.

"Lost" I can't believe it's over I watched the whole thing fall And I never saw the writing that was on the wall If I'd only knew The days were slipping past That the good things never last That you were crying Summer turned to winter And the snow it turned to rain And the rain turned into tears upon your face I hardly recognized the girl you are today And god I hope it's not too late It's not too late 'Cause you are not alone I'm always there with you And we'll get lost together Till the light comes pouring through 'Cause when you feel like you're done And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost When your worlds crashing down And you can't bear the thought I said, babe, you're not lost Life can show no mercy It can tear your soul apart It can make you feel like you've gone crazy But you're not Things have seem to changed There's one thing that's still the same In my heart you have remained And we can fly fly fly away 'Cause you are not alone And I am there with you And we'll get lost together Till the light comes pouring through 'Cause when you feel like you're done And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost When the worlds crashing down And you can not bear the cross I said, baby, you're not lost I said, baby, you're not lost I said, baby, you're not lost I said, baby, you're not lost

This morning reminds me of David Its a perfect day...and we would have enjoyed it. Rainy...but not hard Cool..and overcast. Perfect weather to talk a long walk in with an umbrella Perfect weather to have cookies in the oven...while you have a cuppa Perfect weather to snuggle on the couch with a book or movie Perfect weather to make love in. I walked in the rain a bit this morning. Not caring about my freshly done hair or make up. I wanted to feel the coldness of it. I wanted to smell the fresh rain..and the fresh air because of it. I even stuck out my tounge and tried to taste some. My mind drifted to this Elvis Song. David, plays it on his guitar. Im sure hes wicked at it, as well as singing it. The lyrics...are excellent...and If I sing certain parts of them, I still choke up. Elvis really did sing from the soul. Seven lonely days and a dozen towns ago I reached out one night and you were gone Don't know why you'd run, what you're running to or from All I know is I want to bring you home So I'm walking in the rain, thumbin' for a ride On this lonely Kentucky backroad I've loved you much too long; my love's too strong To let you go, never knowing what went wrong. Kentucky rain keeps pouring down, And up ahead's another town that I'll go walking through With the rain in my shoes, searchin for you In the cold Kentucky rain, in the cold Kentucky rain. Showed your photograph to some old gray bearded men Sitting on a bench outside a general store They said "Yes, she's been here" But their memory wasn't clear. Was it yesterday? No, wait the day before. Finally got a ride, with a preacher man who asked, "Where you bound on such a cold, dark afternoon?" As we drove on through the rain, as he listened I explained And he left me with a prayer that I'd find you. Kentucky rain keeps pouring down, And up ahead's another town that I'll go walking through With the rain in my shoes, searchin for you In the cold Kentucky rain, in the cold Kentucky rain.

what an exhausting day. Not so good day. My mom recieved bad news about her job. Shes laid off. Tonight I worked out her budget. (weird I know...but Im so good with numbers, and accounting, and budgeting...Im a little wizard at making red turn to black..with a little pulling in of the belts.) Took 2 hours..and I had her from the red every month, to black. EI only gives you 55% of your weekly paycheck. Thats just not enough to cover life. So..I got her to call this bill...that bill...and with me giving her some money every week...shes going to be in the black. Family. I will do what ever I can...to help them. Money ect. Its JUST NOT an issue. Once Im dedicated to someone...I will do on to them..as I hope would be done onto me, in a time of need. If family isnt there when the shit flies...who is? really? Friends say they are...and perhaps 10% of them stick around for the shit in life..the other percentage are never seen. Not family. Not my family. Threw thick and thin. Support. It has to be there.If not..might as well all drown now. God I love her. Love her to death. Shes at the table reading to my angel. Tonight...has been a mellow night musically. The computer has been humming tunes steadily for 5 hours now. KD Lang...my fellow Canadian. What a VOICE. What a woman. A voice unlike any other. Tonights music: KD Langs Recollection Album and Watershed. Pure heaven...pure silk. Pure Talent.

Back from dance class. I needed to hear something uplifting. Come home, do the dishes (god forbid they actually be done for me..jezz) And I pick up the leash...time to walk my greyhound. Im not 10 steps out of my building. I run into my good friend from the same building..."come on lets walk". I let her talk...I listen patiently. I nodd with the odd "yeah...I hear you". Shes just so damn nice. Why are these bad things happening to her? I feel bad for her, and her hard times and afflictions. Money is an issue. Damn...what the hell is this world coming too? I thought canada was seeing the recession behind us? Everyone I talk to ..is out of work, laid off..or just not getting enough of it. Bloody Hell. Half threw town now (we walk fast) She asks how I am. Before I know it...Im vomiting up my issues to her. Im crying, and getting so fustrated...I didnt mean to make it out like I was being "difficult" with her. I am just passionate. Anyone who REALLY knows me...knows Im passionate.More so than most women.Im a passionate cook. Ive been known to make a lasagna...and throw the whole thing in the trash...because the layers didnt LOOK right. Ive been known to trash cookies...because they were too brown on the bottom. think of Chef Ramsey in the kitchen when something isnt perfect. I used to be like him ...all the time. Now..Im older, and realize that is GOOD money and food im throwing away. Also, its a waste to the worlds resources. Ive mellowed...but I tunnel this passion towards other things now. You should see me scrapbook. You should see me dance. There is passion. I must have been a dancer in a past life. (not that I believe in that shit) anyways, I went on and on about change. How I need to step up and make changes. My mindset is slowly changing. Some days...are better. Some days are not. Period. Those days...I want die. Bi Polar? Any relationship breakup is like a rollercoaster ride..up and down...and I havent gotten off this fuckin ride. It keeps passing the "exit"...and I pass it at lightening speed...go up..to travel always downwards....Im so cried out, and vomited so much..Im left dead. So I curl up on the floor of my box seat..and just pray to the all mighty..."please kill me, make me stronger to endure this...or let the rails break..and let me fall". I miss him. There is no doubt. I know what I lost. I know what I want. I know what I can no longer have. Acceptance is something...that I believe for ME comes slowly. Ive never swollowed this breakup easily. My therapist told me, shes only seen a few cases like me. Dedicated to the end..stubborn as a mule, beliveing that things will "somehow get better". Im like a continual optimist. Fuck me..stupid. I dont see the signs. I dont accept the signs. I can read into things. I shouldnt. They were NOT meant to be read in too. That Ive changed. anything recieved...is NOT read in too. I cannot. I will not. Its a protection sheild of sorts. If I dont exspect anything....how can you get let down? Exactly. So its life as it is. Survival mode. Im getting that itch to break free and dance. I heard way to much good damn music at work..and bouncing my feet is NOT going to satisify me. WISH I could turn the TV off...throw DH a bone out in the street...and throw on my stereo and turn down the lights and start dancing. Think of it now.. Ive danced that way years. I moved out when I was 16...and started dancing in my apt. Perfecting routines with friends. Bitting moves off Much Music videos. THen it was displayed on the dance floor Friday and saturday night. (sunday too if it was along weekend..) Ive had more supers knock on my door.."turn it down please" that never stopped me. Nope, I got wicked headphones, with a really LONG cord. :P I danced so hard...every night...till I sweat, and was out of breathe. Something so theraputic about it. That and the eliptial was theraputic. I listened to the music and lost myself..and just moved to the beat..and I was in another world. Standing beside any speaker..(very very loud of course) and Im lost. It could be utter shit on there..and Ill dance to it. (well, to be reasonable..it has to be danceable) Ive danced to Erohouse..which Im not a fan of. Italianhouse..again, not a big fan of. (we called it gino music) But, I danced to it. There is something, about closing your eyes...leaning your head back, swaying to the beat..and letting the bass be your heartbeat. My body just moves. I dont know what its really doing most times. I trust it. Sounds Concieded?Think of it this way: A dancer, just knows the beat...her body knows how to move to it. A pianist...knows where the keys are. The black and whites. They dont have to second guess (once they are practiced) where to place them for a E or a G. It comes to them. A cook..after a while knows a teaspoon by eye..compared to a tablespoon. Thats what I mean. I also, tend to sing while I dance. My friends always say "your such a good lip sync singer". I know the words. Theres the talent of listening to something 2 or 3 times, and "Ive got it". pitch and tune and words. My little simple talent. It can be weird singing like I do on the dance floor...but I dont give a shit. Its part of being one with the music. Throw a few drinks into me...well, there is something to be said about the exsperience while your tipsy. Tipsy...is where I have to keep it. I go any further..and it goes downhill. Songs listened to tonight: Tonight - Baba Kahn, Kardinal Offishall, Fatman Scoop Tonite - Addictiv mixing into Dance Like There's No Tomorrow - Paula Abdul & Akon Sensual Seduction Remix - Robyn & Snoop Dogg Just Dance - Lady Gaga, Colby O'Donis & Akon Forever Remix - Lb & Jhoni Forever - Chris Brown ** SO LOVE this song....oh man!* Dangerous - Akon & Kardinal Offishall Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart ft. Ludacris DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love- Usher-- totally LOVING this song tight in the club. Rihanna - Don't Stop The Music ( oldie but a goodie) Rihanna - Hard ft. Jeezy - I dont know why I love this song. Its so DAMN tight. Full of attitude. Confidence.(the video sucks..) Rihanna- Only girl - Love love this song. This is THE THE bomb! This song I need to hear on club speakers and dance too. monster lady gaga-- this track is tight. Still so new.Still growing on this one. Club Can't Handle Me- Flo Rida ( still thinking how I feel about this one) Carry OUT- Timbaland and JT-- I havent slowed down in loving this song. Ive danced to it so much. I should be sick of it already. I suppose its the speakers and the bass...it just sounds so SICK in the club. that and the oozing attitude and sexiness of it..it screams "dance to me". Excellent track. This will stand the test of time, in my humble opionion. Sean Paul - Fire Brigade - Wine it- SO FIne- So love Sean Paul. Always had a weak spot for this fine artist. ( hes always singing about Fire..haha) He comes on the speakers..and Im instantly happy. Always on my mind- Sean Paul- Slower track...But so sad. the Lyrics Reminds my loss over David. Not all dancehall, is about screwing and having a party :P