I wouldn't have to worry about my stupid GPA if I fucking died.

I bought Perufme! I can't bring myself to begin reading it, though. Because, the sooner I start it, the sooner I'll finish it. And, besides, I have to finish Set Me Free so I can do my book report. I woke up today and Bergi was over. Bergi's my dogs' son. Their owner brought him over but I saw a chocolate bar on the counter so I thought they were really here to sell chocolate. I felt bad 'cause I think we only bought them one bar, haha. I got dressed and did clay-do cups so I can put my earrings in them. I'm going to put them around my big, behind-the-door mirror. Then we went to the bank and we headed to Barnes & Noble. On our way, the car started acting weird but we ignored it. We went and bought my book and I had some quickies with some art books they had. I wish I lived in that store. Maybe I'll find a way to go there after school and read when I'm done with homework. Their stuff is extra interesting. The library's one thing, but. I haven't really looked around the school library, though. I would've liked to buy The Effects, but I'm grounded. After, we went to the mall and returned things at Gap and got smoothies. We went to Publix and got burger materials. When we got home, we made them and ate them and loved them. They were so good, my mom's was better. We went to Liza's to pick up the GS cookies. Danny says he'll buy the peanut butter ones. Haha, Danny. I need his phone number in case I miss chemistry homework one day. I was going to go have Starbucks with him the other day before school but we wouldn't have had time to come back. He's the type of friend that's nice no matter what and you don't have to try whatsoever. Then we came back home and I continued reading and, suddenly, I realized they were fighting. At first, I thought it was about porn. Then I knew it was about drinking. It's hard to believe, but my dad was a drinker and would still like to be one. It's hard because he never curses. I think he stopped because of me and mom, and that's not really honorable. I was boviously listening from my room. Surprisingly, they were talking loud enough for me to. And, somehow, my dad stumbled upon the word "divorce". My mom started crying. I would've also. Because, even though he was explaining that they could just "divorce", we wouldn't do that because he loves us. But, even then, it's, like, a thought. Even though he's nagating it, it's something he thinks can happen. And I think that's bad and that's the first step. It wouldn't affect me much if they did. I mind my own business nowadays. I also learned that the meetings weren't about me, they were about them. They just tried to desguise them to be my meetings. William got an "honorable mention" from that Puma contest he entered. Guillem said it on the announcements on Friday before lunch and I couldn't stop a quick smile from slipping. Then I remembered Jackie was in that room and I didn't want her to know I was smiling about that. I think he should've won won. The win win was inspired by an octopus. The shoe looked nothing like an octopus anyway. Haha, Almeroth adores octopuses. My plan is to study communism/fascism/capitalism and religion tomorrow and, also, do Navarro's cities chart. On Monday, go to Leah's at 12 and study whenever I get a chance. Also, do the book reports. English is more urgent that History because Tuesdays are before Wednesdays.

I was tidying up some old -and new- family pictures and came accross my 2nd birthday's set. Miguel came up in a few and he had this expression like he was thinking something. And I would do anything to know what it was. I want him to be here more than anything else. I want to know why everything happened and what happened in the first place. It's one oh seven and I'm going to sleep late again. I'll see if I can make it 'til two like last night. I played around with my Christmas watercolor pencils. They're delish!/very clever/to die for! I did an apple and then a pear. They're basic things but I'm a basic thing, so who gives a damn. My parents went for Pei-Wei and left me behind. I can't stand that. Juan was looking for me with his eyes today. Then he came to the trashcan on our side and made that his excuse. I was in the bus already, though. We're going to Leah's house on Monday because we have to finish our stained glass and because it's a no-school day.

I had my math and art midterms today. Math, I did OK. Art, I did ok too. 6/10 and 8/10. I forgot everything about math. I just think that, if you don't practice it often, you forget how to do it. My memory got "refreshed" when I went to sleep at 2:00AM last night. I had to do his stupid review that he didn't even collect. It helped me remember things, though. I thought I didn't need it but I did. My nails are a really nice watermelon/Poppy/icepop color. It's Ilina's and it's gorgeous. She got it at UO and it's called Red 4. It's not really a red, though. I had my french and chemistry midterms yesterday. Chemistry was fairly easy and french was quite easy. 8/10 and 9/10. I got a 95 in french but have no idea what I got for Almeroth. I can't wait 'til I find out! I don't know why I like to look at my scores so much. Even if they're bad, I like to know what I did wrong and things like that. I miss William.

I walked in my room today and it smelled the way it always does. When I opened the door, it burst out like a treasure that had been locked for a long time. It smells so fruity. It's always the same thing and I don't know where it comes from because I don't own a perfume that smells close to that. Maybe the scent comes from my soul -lol, corny movie reference-. Maybe it's deposited while I sleep or maybe Perfume boy kills me every night and lathers me with animal fat.

And Charlie's making me and Charlie's making me smile I'm becoming a huge RHCP junkie. But that's okay and I entirely understand it. Who wouldn't become one? My heart, your skin You're right, I'm wrong. Gee. Anyway, I was in a bad mood today the whole day. Charles talked about our future and a teacher's salary pace and things like that. I took a test in math and it was hard because I missed half the period on Monday. I kinda got it, though. Common sense and prior knowledge of the quadratic formula. Set Me Free is about music, looks like that Beverly girl decided to trail off. It's okay, but every word doesn't cut into to me like The Effects did. Ilina was being extra interesting today at lunch. But Leah and Akeilah were there and they didn't get what she was saying. I think it's the Conor-minded thing. There's some people that have their mind all Conory. Like Gaby :} French and Chemistry midterms are tomorrow so that means I have to go study and do my laundry. Haha, Cabron is so hilarious!

Amazing! My GPA is 3.51. How cool?! I have a 4 in math and in P.E. Of course. You might be wondering about the title. I woke up sick this morning so I filled my stainless steel qt with orange juice. That was sure to recover me, magically. So it's my magic cup now. And the red hots spell magic "magik" in the Blood Sugar Sex Magic song and I think that's truly cool. And it is magical because orange juice would'nt normally recover you from a cold. It did from this cup! William's been avoiding me like crazy ever since. Or so Kevin & Raul say. Sometimes I see him dodge or go the other way of the hallway. Stupid stuff like that but I'm probably wrong. Today I also learned that Leah and I live on the opposing ends of the metrorail. But, whatever, fuck her. Haha :) I went to the mall today and was gonna get her a bunny ring 'cause it just screamed her name -I would've given it to Andrea if she didn't like it- but I was grounded. I know she would've loved it, though. The process of getting the pictures in is happening. Lawrence wanted me to sneak out last night to "make it up to me", whatever that means. He didn't pick up last time we did, so I was mad. Carolina says he just wanted to get some and wasn't up to it 'cause he wasn't going to. I thought maybe he could pick me up from school today and drive me to my GS meeting but my mom doesn't work today so it's all good. I started Set Me Free again. It's alright.

I really don't like pictures with that type of bad focus where the middle of the thing is focused. I mean, Jessica and me and my mom went to the mall today. Then her mom and Ale got there. Ale was mad and annoyed and frustrated and irritated until he bought his Vans but then he got that way again. He wanted to go to his friend's house. Jessica and I had a great time. We laughed a lot, just remembering the old days. I like Jessica. Carolina called me when we were there and asked if we could hang out tomorrow. I said yes. She's coming over. She needs to do a mixed tape or something and her computer got stolen or something. I couldn't give Raymond his sushi eraser! We didn't even talk 'cause he didn't ride the metro today and I barely ever talk to him at school. My mum had to pick me up from Okeechobee because I didn't make an effort to catch the early buses. After school, Leah and I were taking pictures of the inanimate faces we made. The robot was gone. School was okay today. Everything's starting to get easier. I'm really trying now because I care for my GPA. Chemistry's not hard anymore and I get Almeroth's complicated way of doing things. Even though I do proportions which is a lot faster and he does conversion factors which takes way more time. If I were as old as Almeroth is, I'd date him. Really. I think he's so funny and clever! I get nervous when he's watching me do a problem 'cause he thinks I'm stupid or something so I think I'm gonna do something stupid. It's not that cold today. I only wore a tank top, my sad-but-in-love-happy-faces shirt, and my Laguna red long-sleeve. I was fine. I'm listeing to Bloc Party's "Modern Love". This is the first song I heard from them. I'm listening to the Silent Alarm Released album, though. We worked on the Adam and Eve stained glass today. Andrea is wonderful. Eve looks amazing! I'm sneaking out with Lawrence tonight. I told him I didn't want to hook up and meant it. I really don't want to. I hope he doesn't try. I just want someone to talk to so I'm not lonely.

I just finished watching an amazing movie. It's the best film I have experienced in my short life. I haven't watched that many movies, so it being the best one doesn't really make it impressive. It doesn't cut it. This. Was. Amazing. We were going to watch Babel -another one I really like- but we were getting it started and saw the trailer for this one and it took my breath away. It gave me the rollercoaster feeling. So we watched this one instead 'cause I just so happened to own it. Carolyn and Camila came over to keep me company 'cause I was kinda bleu cheese. I gave Camila her scarf. And I gave her the Victoria's Secret perfume set. It was $40 when I looked on the tag but that's okay because friends are priceless. I wanted to give them the world for being there with me. When they left, my world started falling apart all over again. That happens sometimes when I get home and no one's home or when I make friends out of inanimate objects by placing eyes&mouth stickers on them or when people leave and the house feels lonely and it brings me back to reality that I'm lonely. The feeling was a little hidden away because William and I were together. But he broke up with me today. So, it's back. Why? Why does this shit happen? Why the hell do I even need people so I'm not depressed? William's birthday is tomorrow and my mom said I could go have sushi with them and I was happy and I wondered if he would like his gift. I guess I'm going to have to end up liking his gift. I think I will. Maybe I'm the one who had to use it and everything does happen for a reason like Carolyn says. Maybe this will make my creativity go into hiking trips and inspire me like nothing else ever has. Very few movies have been so beautiful as the last one I just saw. He's the same director as the one from Run Lola Run. He's a lot like Guillermo's style. I abosulut love it! If you don't remember and want to, watch it over. I'm not going to explain here because it won't be enough. I'm going to give one of my sushi erasers to Raymond. Because he's such a good person. It's actually my last and my second worst one. I was planning on giving him one of the best ones -caviar- but I lost my other one and was in an emergency so I had to use it. I don't feel funny. Sorry.

"I'm a mountain that has been moved" "I'm a word that no one wants to say" Daisy by Brand New. Amazingamazingamazingamazingamazingamazingamazingamazing The cleaning lady came to my house and mlove to it today. I'm in love with Lola. Oh so deeply. I wore it to school today but I really don't want to waste it. William's birthday's on Friday and they're going for sushi. That should be fun. I might be able to go. I want to. I'd wear something pretty. Leah got me a shirt for Christmas. I'm really convinced it was hers at some point. But I don't mind. It's okay. What I don't like, though, is that she won't admit it. Maybe it wasn't. Whatever. I got to school late today. That was one of my New Year's resolutions. To be on time. Great! I was real tired 'cause I went to sleep at 1:13 finishing Navarro's religion chart that he didn't even collect today. I got my new dorky librarian glasses. I've been listening to Bloc Party nonstop. I love them so much. Every single thing of theirs. I feel like I'm cheating on Conor so I have to talk about him too now. I love Conor! I really want to be obsessed with him again. When every word he said gave me that "feeling" you feel when you go down a rollercoaster. I miss that. I couldn't get my boots yesterday 'cuase they didn't have them. I was extremely disappointed. At the world, but especially my parents. "I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectul." I also really like that line. I don't know what's with me and seductive lines like, "Just tell me where you want your gift, girl." "She told me to come but I was already there." "We can kiss and undress or, if you want, just talk" "Dirty babe, you can whip me if I misbehave" There's more but I'm gonna stop now because I'm starting to sound like a lonely freak. I just think it's thrilly. I guess. I just do. I love Gaby so much. Like, she's the bestest friend anyone could ever have. I'm serious. It's not the, "I've got your back, girl" type of friendship. I don't know if I've had crappy friends all my life or what but Gaby's different. And so is Carolina. And so is Mariah. I really missed William over the break but I realized it at school when I saw him and we kinda talked. And when we kissed, it felt special again. You know what I mean, Janie? I have to go do work! Mygod, bye byebyebyebyeeee