This morning, I found my lipbalm with a curiosity note inside. I opened it, excited, thrilled, to find a drawn cat drinking curiosirty juice inside. He was dead. I loved that but I was creeped out. Then I knew more, I was being curious when I took that damn paper. But I had to.  This person was following my footsteps, whoever it was.  I was telling Leah about it during lunch and Carmen heard and told me who it was.  Bryce!  :) 

I'm a little angry at Carolyn for making me kinda believe all these ideas about numbers were genuine. They're not, and most of them were dragged from radiolab. :& I'm definitely glad she told me, though. I love this site.

Radiolab: Numbers create order in your life I could lose the numbers. I could survive my whole life without them That's just completely ridiculous Ok, Test me Uhm, suppose you wanna call me but you forgot my phone number Two words: Speed. Dial. How many words?? haha, hilarious!

Today was strand/selection day at DASH. We had a tour during B6 and so Navarro didn't collect the masks. Navarro gave us green papers in which we were to jot down notes and we were going to get picked depending on how good our notes were. Then we were out of the room and on our way. Film. The room was great, real cozy and dark inside. I liked it. I got a really good vibe from the beginning and the teacher was pretty cool. He talked about each year and then we got to ask questions to some film kids that were there. Architecture. It was mostly the kids talking but the teacher talked too. They kept on saying, "It's not boring. We have fun here, guys!" Ha. The teacher wasn't that boring but he did seem kinda like a pushover. Industrial. Most people switched over to this strand 'cause everyone talking was super passionate about their thing. It seemed cool and, yeah, me too, I moved it up to my 3rd choice. They do a lot of perspective and.. Fashion. I got a bad vibe the moment I walked in. All the kids talking seemed like they were all sewn together to be up there talking as a team. You could see the backstabbing and gossipping that went on. "Drawing is very important in this strand, as well as being realistic about your design." Gaphics! I walked in and all the lights were out except for the projector. There was a lack of chairs, so Leah and Andrea had to stand. The teachers and the students seemed to have, like, this personal relationship. As if they all went for coffee afterschool together. I liked that. "This strand is not easy as people say it is. That's a myth." At the end, we had toput our choices in order. Me: 1. Graphics. 2. Fashion. 3. Industrial. 4. Film 5. Architecture. I don't know what I'd do if I don't get into graphics.

Today was a pretty cool day. I felt weird, though. There was this aftertaste in my mouth, the kind you feel after taking meds. I wore makeup today and my mom's new earrings. Arion still doesn't look at me in math. I was working on my mask during lunch. Then in PE it was walking and then activity of choice. I talked to Raul while we walked and then we got the ping pong -lol- table out and started playing but then Mario took over. "I wasn't concentrating".."Fuck, this wind!".."Wait, let me work my special serve".."It touched my finger! That's bullshit".. Reminded me of me a little. Then I had art and he looked at my homework, didn't like it, and then moved on to showing off our posters. Some kids got C's when it really looked like B work. But I know what she was doing. If it had too much orange.. bad. Too patriotic.. meh. Too much glutter.. eek. She really liked paintings, though. Paintings. These were posters, not paintings. I mean, they were pretty, but they missed the whole point. There was a really nice one of a bill and then it had a pyramid and then there was an eye through it. I liked that one. For the rest of the period, we played around with tissue paper. I made some poppies by cutting out circles and gluing them on top of each other so that the circles overlap and it looks great. I think overlapping is beautiful. Two things I want to say. 1. I killed a mosquito yesterday. I didn't kill it 'cause it was going to be fun. I killed it 'cause it could've hurt me or my parents or even Chamo and Perla. It was huge and yellow-lookin' with super long legs. When it was too late, I figured I wasn't supposed to be doing that. I looked up if insects feel pain. They don't. I felt a little better then, but I knew it still wasn't right. It's not about them feeling pain or not, it's about me taking something no one gave me the right to take. I took that mosquito's life because I could. But, really, that's so wrong. Just because I can reach out and kill it, doesn't make it okay to do so. I'm not sure, but I think they call that.. responsibility? "With more freedom comes more responsibility" 2. Laura and William are most likely going out. I hear he walks her to class. And, yes, I'm jealous. I don't want to date him again or anything, but it's not fair that it might work out between them and it didn't for us. It's not fair that she's my friend and she's dating my ex. Friends.. don't do that. And I always thought it was stupid when people said that and it is but it's a little true. Because she doesn't talk to me about them and because it feels like we're against each other or something. Maybe it's just me. But, out of all people in the school -and in the world-, why William?

Today is Pi Day and it's a shame it's not on a school day. Yesterday was my mom's birthday party and I went to sleep at 5 AM. I've yet seen such a great party. I didn't enjoy it as much as the guests because I was looking after all the little kids but I could tell it was really great. The food was delicious, everyone got along, the weather was delightful, and I was really impressed. Juli and Christian and Lorena stayed 'til, like 4:30 and then my parents and I stayed up 'til 5 talking. I woke up at 1 today, 8 hrs. Juli is super awesome and I really missed her. Lorena & Chris are hilarious. Lorena was telling us about how she bought some fake purses in NY and how she got in a van and couldn't see anything and blah blah. Ha. I wore my blue dress with daisies and put some make up on. I had my mom's red flats on. My mom got a couple of gifts, but my favoite one was from Claudia. They're a pair of earrings and they're extra pretty. I think I'll wear them to school tomorrow. My mom went to Michael's to try and find my mask paper but it's not the same. I'm just doing it on the paper she bought me, though. And Andres found my iPod and gave it to the bus driver. Slice, slice. Sizzle, sizzle. Lately, I've been missing Lawrence and remembering things from way back then. Like when he kissed me spider-man style, like when we were in the cave, like when we played boxball. But how could I've been so blind? I just finished my art homework and away I go doing the history mask. Gaby just came over -just, just, just- and she's blind and got braces. I gave her her Chrismas and birthday presents but she left them behind. lol, what appreciation. She saw my sketchbook and was meh about it. I love Gaby and how she wants to learn how to do origami roses. It was real brief though. 6 minutes tops. She's coming over on Friday and we're hanging out. Yeepee :)

At first, I wanted to slap myself, hit myself, insult myself, punch myself, scratch myself, bite, kick, push, smack, burn. Then I wanted to eat myself, I wanted to stab myself, drown myself, yank every hair out of my body, I wanted to rape myself, I wanted a guillotine all for me, I wanted to shoot my toes off. I wanted to gather everything in this Earth and throw it with a force I don't have. I wanted to grab this land, shake it in my hands, and yell, "I HATE THE RAIN!", I wanted to throw every single thing I don't deserve out. I wanted to become this enormous monster that could take the Earth and pluck all clouds from it. Every water molecule would be destroyed. You have no idea how much shit went on today. All because of my irresponsable self.

I went to watch Alice in Wonderland yesterday with just Andrea. I asked Leah if she wanted to go but she said she probably couldn't. Maybe one day we can all go if we go to Sunset. The movie wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I was really excited about it. Andrea thought the same thing. We went around stores and she bought a book at Anthropologie and some earrings at forever21. We also went to UO. I didn't buy anything. I was looking for my mom'm birthday present all the while but didn't find anything. Andrea and I were laughing at absolutely many hinge and I had a lot of fun. I want to watch The Diary of a Whimpy Kid.

I'm almost done with the book I'm reading, Like Water for Chocolate or whatever. It's really good but it's a little too lusty. It's very surreal, too. Bathrooms catch on fire from one's lust, you get sad if the person cooking it was sad, women can nurse children without ever having one, the room has a party when people make love, beans get angry and won't cook unless you sing to them. I sat next to Juan at the bus. There were no more seats left. I was trying to be nice and have a conversation but he wasn't. So I pulled out my book and couldn't concentrate. I had to run to catch the early metro in which Carolyn & Camila were in. Carolyn told me about how one can get higher-than-ever GPA's. I did not know this. I could've had a higher GPA than the one I have now. I got two failing grades in some geometry work, which really depressed me. Alice in Wonderland comes out this Friday and I'm probably going to go watch it with Andrea and possibly, hopefully, Leah. I don't see them close anymore, wonder why. I made some poppies out of origami paper and, until I'm an expert at it, I'm giving them to friends. When they come out beautiful, I'll hang them from my ceiling and have my very own poppy field. The air vent will give them a great breeze, they'll look amazing and I can't wait. This all means that I won't be able to have my chandelier, though. I had a really strange dream last night. I was at a party and William was there, so was Lawrence. To my horror, they were talking. I remember Pablo folding himself to fit in the tiniest places. Haha.

"Our eyes meet, what will we see?" "Now our love has been forgotten like it was never there. We're just sitting here as strangers" So William's not entirely single. Or so I predict. He's getting it going with Ariana. -Freshman -Hangs with sophomores -Loves G&R -Can't spell -Kinda whory -Hippie-like -Pothead lifestyle -Many people get a bad vibe from her but I don't really feel it -Not that pretty -Skinny -Straight, Long, brown, pretty hair -Nature, leafy person. The type that recycles Anyway, I really am sorry for starting this out like this. I haven't written in the longest time ever and that kinda introduction sucks. I tried out some new conditioner by Alba, that vegetarian products brand that I love. My hair's been great. It's so softtt, I love Alba. I also almost beat the shit out of Marvin today cause he told me, "Whoa, Janie, nice ass," in PE. I got so angry. He's so fucking stupppid. Ah. Charles liked my poster. He said that the salmon and icy blue was a clever color combination. Sarah said that the border seemed like it was compacting everything in. Wesney said it didn't seem to have a purpose. I couldn't agree more. I don't know what I'm gonna do, though. I don't know if, when I looked at Sarah as she was saying this, I looked angry. She looked at me like she was scared to keep on going. Ah if that's the case I'm so terribly sorry. Evan's been hanging with Sarah in art lately. I think it's for good. I don't know why, but he probably doesn't like me anymore. I think he got annoyed of me or something. It's sad 'cause I miss him. William's been sitting by the boxball tale lately. I get nervous and start playing stupidly. I think Chrispy likes me.. Because he and Gizelle broke up and Gizelle told me how he would comment on me from time to time. And because he holds my gaze this way everytime he makes a joke in English. It's, like, when the world stops and it's you two in the room. Ha. And when he calls for me and hugs me and I think.. maybe I feel the same way. My tongue tnagles up when I'm talking to him. But he loves RHCP & mee tooo! :} Butttt math class kid drags my interest too. Kinda. Chris is way cuter. Sometimes when he throws his hair back, he looks so hot. He's the person I had a crush on back then when I went over Leah's to do the Adam & Eve.