I know ive already said im sorry but when you say goodbye when your scared and alone, you dont think about the consequences, you dont think about how it will affect the people you say goodbye too, is it not better to have said goodbye then say nothing, for saying nothing would mean there was no emotion, no regret for the goodbye, a goodbye is only uttered when it needs 2, im not going to apologise for a goodbye i will however apologise for the timing, the shortness, and the lack of notice. i dont regret saying it, i do regret how much pain it caused, i felt it was time 2 say it, i felt it was wat needed 2 be said when nothing else would do, those words fit perfectly, goodbyes are hard, im sorry's are harder, so as i said im sorry, for the pain and the hardship caused by those words, i wont say sorry for saying them only for how sudden it was, i hope god i hope resentment doesnt follow from these words. I'm Sorry

after all the posts that have been and gone on this journal, i realised i never described my namesake.... well to start with its got absolutely nothing to do with modern warfare, i have had no military training nor do i plan to have any such training, i chose this name for there is a coming war where the weapons of today will becoming useless, technology will advance so greatly that guns, and lasers, and missles will become useless, when technology has progressed so far that it destroys itself along with our assistance, when war will be waged once again with swords and bows and lances and steel against steel, for when they day comes i am prepared, i have studied Iado, the japanese martial art of using a sword, the techniques are difficult, execution of the strikes is rather simple, however the precision needed is neigh impossible for me at this time, for the moment though i feel i am prepared for this coming war. Recently i came to realise that maybe another reason for this name is that within us all there comes a time when our minds fight against each other the fight between our childhood dreams and ambitions and the reality of the world being harsh and cruel, the fight between innocence and corruption, the fight that will eventually come 2 us all, i can say the battle's of these things have begun inside me, however a few battles do not decide the war, that is why i feel no i know i am "Preparedforwar"

something im workin on If i fall away into the endless night, If i fall into this long and endless sleep. can i ask you this? Can i plead for this? Please promise that you'll be there, when they celebrate my life. Im sorry that i gave in i was undone by this knife. Just know that i will be there, when they celebrate your life. I'll cry a river for you, that flows above time, i just hope that you'll shed a single tear at mine. Please don't be undone by that same blasted knife. It's a good day to die, please don't ask me why, i beg you do not cry, for this is merely a lullaby. Can i ask this of you? Can i you to remember, all that i've left behind? remember wat i said, heed my words not my actions i hope this question helps all those of like mind....

so im trying 2 write something that well explains everything i sorta suck at telling people so i write it, i turn my life into a song sort of, it sorta helps, a little. Flow like a river, save for the lives flow like tears, feel the knife the pain disappears, as the scars appear. Save my soul, save my heart but tear my lifeless body apart. Sink in deeper, let it show im a bleeder. let it flow from within, let the pain settle in let it breathe, let it relieve. Save my soul , save my heart but tear my lifeless body apart. Sink in deeper, let it show im a bleeder forget our past, forget our futures, no one has anything, not while living with sutures. Save my soul, save my heart but tear my lifeless body apart. Sink in deeper let it show im a bleeder show the scars to world, show the pain in us all, i shouldnt be here, i shouldnt sink this low i never thoughts ud throw me right out the window. Save my soul, save my heart but tear my lifeless body apart. Sink in deeper let it show im a bleeder how did i get here, how did friendship turn 2 hate? how did it all come crashing down, breaking through my head like a plate someone out there please save my soul, save my heart, tear my worthless body apart, it brings nothing but pain, nothing but fear i cant stand anymore of this aching despair. im feeling pretty low, so its coming out in my song

so i wasnt going 2 put this up anywhere but wat the hell, i sorta like it =D In the days before the fall Noone knew but the wall Head in the sand Hiding from who i am Someone please just take a stand As the days go by I still wonder why It had to be you it shook me to the core i dont care what they say your not a whore why cant it be me? Free to break away nothin but sunny days i envy you my chance it never came i still sit here in so much pain i envy you It all changed that day when you slipped away when i sat and wondered how? it wasnt the same the feeling that you gave the day of the fall you just went away never felt this way nothing could ever change what i did participate in the ending of your day you flew away there was no reason to stay I'll never forget the day You just flew away im not sure wat inspired me to write this but im kinda glad i did.

In the times i did struggle with malice and hate. In the days i felt lost and set in my fate. You shone like a light to show me the way, I felt all alone filled to the brim with dismay. My broken and fractured mind it did shake, To learn there was someone who cared for my sake. My heart it did cry out when my eyes were opened, to the fact that i was blind, this was not the end. You saved me, saved me from myself, you saved me from sorrow, you gave me a morrow. And i can't thankyou enough. You were there when times were tough. You pulled me from the darkest part of my broken heart, You saved me. You pulled me from ruin, saved me from myself, you bled with me, your tears were shed with me, we'll fight till the very end, my spirits you lifted, my eyes you did open. A future i thought i had lost, you moved the veil and showed the truth to me. You proved that i had a purpose and that i shouldnt give up. You saved me, saved me from myself, you saved me from sorrow, you gave me a morrow. And i can't thankyou enough. You were there when times were tough. You pulled me from the darkest part of my broken heart, You saved me. My face was scarred, my arms they did bleed, then you reached out. I had nothing, i felt alone, my screams you blocked out. To help me make a home. To save me from myself. I tried to end it all, but you caught me and stopped my fall. If it wasnt for you, i know my days would have been few. I'd be six feet under without you, i can't begin to say thankyou. You saved me, saved me from myself, you saved me from sorrow, you gave me a morrow. And i can't thankyou enough. You were there when times were tough. You pulled me from the darkest part of my broken heart, You saved me. You've been my shoulder to cry on, Someone i can rely on. You've been here for me, the reason i still struggle to see, but for this to be right, I'll be here for you, justto listen through the night. All i can say is thanks to you, i live another day, and i owe it all to you. so Thankyou Lady Lou so i wrote this song after some advice from the shrink, pretty much it sums up how she's bgeen here 4 me, and well ima put it on a demo, then people can really see its not all just words but theres emotion behind it. Thanks again Lady Lou

And when the sky it did crumble, and the world it did shake, when the seas got to rising, the ground it did shrink and when our time it does come, we anxiously wait, for someone to show the way to our fate. breaking free of this torment, away from the posers, the fakes and the lies, we run from the truth, to escape all our fears, i cant stand this anymore im gouging my eyes. something i came up with in like 2 minutes i havent got anymore space in ma book 2 write so yeh

so i started writing again fucking finally and this is wat i came up with tell me wat u think The battle is won, the fallen bow down, breaking the shackles of the crown, power does nto give you the right to control, all those beneath you, their potential untold. Weary and pained, the soldiers return, to what they had gained, from the fires unburned, their stories retold, of their furious battles, their values they uphold, the fatigue sets in, the collapse from their feet, their future looks bleak, the light they al follow it grows dim. Something to hold them, a form of support, a shackled soldier cries out, with a pointless retort. its nto finished but still tell me wat u think

my hallowed friend, i see you passing by, i wait for the day we can reunite, u were there for me even if you didnt know, you brought me through those times, of hardship and of sorrow. I cant believe your gone, the friend i thought i'd never lose, taken way too soon, im feeling such pain i feel im torn, it killing me 2 know, i wont b there 2 show, everyone who doubted you, and everyone who doubted me, i cant believe your gone, im sorry i wont b there, to say my last goodbye, just know that mate, i'd have given my life 4 you. You were taken way 2 young, i'll miss you man, as i take this chance to run, i'll find a place i can reminisce, about all the times we shared, the times we played around, the memories i shared with you. I cant believe your gone, the friend i thought i'd never lose, taken way too soon, im feeling such pain i feel im torn, it killing me 2 know, i wont b there 2 show, everyone who doubted you, and everyone who doubted me, i cant believe your gone, im sorry i wont b there, to say my last goodbye, just know that mate, i'd have given my life 4 you. you were there for me when i wept, you were there when i bled, you where there when people said im crazy, and you saved me reagrdless of what i said, i'll never forget you, you were my friend, my closest ally, almost my brother in the end, i'll meet with you again, i have no idea when, but the day i do i'll play you, this sorrow filled song again. I'll never forget you, no matter how long im here, your the guy that stood beside me, when i thought this was the end, im lost here without you, never 2 see you again, im torn apart without you, Daniel you were my best friend. This is something i wrote to help me remember my recently passed friend Daniel, im gonna miss you man, RIP, and im nto afraid 2 admitt, i cried when i finished this, he was my best friend, may he rest in peace

So something has happened, but im not sure how to describe it yet so i started writing this, its sorta based around wats happened but its no where near finished but tell me wat ya think plz These insecurities, they fill my mind, restless thoughts coursing through my soul, All these troubles, im walking blind, living life, without a goal. Clear my eyes, brave the dark, everywhere i go, I'm torn apart, Suffer these hardships alone, my feet they feel like stone. I'm gonna break free before it's, too late, I'm doing all i can to escape. Desperate thoughts on my lips, So much to say, no ears to hear, I've got nothing to show for all these hardships. Over all these years, I never thought I'd be blinded with these fears. Clear my eyes, brave the dark, everywhere i go, im torn apart, Suffer these hardships alone, my feet they feel like stone. Im gonna break free before it's, too late, Im doing all i can to escape. Tell me wat i need 2 add plz, i know its missing something