so i told myself i wouldnt clutter this with pointless angry relentless ramblings, i made a deal that i would only post positives and only post my poetry, the thing that keeps me breathing, i dont have a partner anymore there is no one to for lack of a better description confuse the fuck outta me. yet still im getting pulled from every side being forced to be and do things that are not my natural way, can society just leave me the fuck alone? i like being able to help i really do but sometimes i just dont want to hear the shit from people, im an empath i feel down when i see toher ppl down and as such i try adn help them, but when you of all people of all the pople in my life just fucking crack the shits at me because i dont want to listen just once because i just want 1 fucking nite to myself you fucking rip out my heart and shit on it. fuck i dont want to post this but if i dont i think im gonna do something drastic

so im alive after formal just, im in a lot of pain my entire body fair hurts. i dont remember most of the after party but the formal was fair kool, shit as music but other than that ok. after party 3 cases between a few of us later and here i am, well was sunday i couldnt move at all i felt like shit, barely ate slept so long everything hurt, defs worth it =D and now its monday and im still in pain cant walk, cant move my head a lot. and i fucking hate my parents >< fuckers think they can make me do watever they want they cna get fucked im almost 18 i dont give a shit its my life back the fuck outta it

can you still feel the butterflies? can you still hear the last goodnite? i just found JEW again i fucking love them so much its amazing so much speaks to me without saying any words at all. whats new well formal in like 3 days dancing 2morro >< getting cases friday got stuff for mates already im just stoked to party XD. lifes going ok im writing more but not showing anyone, ive been sorta zoning out and just seeing lines of text appear infront of my eyes i dunno whats going on but im sorta liking it well thats all i can say right now enjoy the world people and remeber to always look for inspiration everywhere i do and its shaping who i am

so earthquake in adelaide who'd have thought it huh? interesting being wtf was that and the old man was like "oh its just the wind" if the whole fucking house moves its not the wind dipstick

can someone tell me what its like to feel can someone tell me what its like to feel can someone tell me what its like to feel when i look into your eyes, i see the distance that has come between us. when i see into your soul, i notice we are not that close no more. when you say goodbye, it no longer tells me, that you never wanna leave. When i fell from grace, it was you that taught to hold on, when i fell from the heavens i never thought a mortal would lead me astray. when i fell from the right hand of god, i never thought id suffer coz of you. so can someone tell me whats its like to feel. i dont know where to begin, i just know we are at our end, and it pains me to say that, im sorry these are the last words i will say. and ill never again see the light of day. so tell me whats its like to feel. oh someone please just tell me. ive been fighting my whole life. im sick of all this strife. why cant i just live a life without a need 2 find a knife.

so will someone be there now to put roses on my grave? its almost been a week, and i feel no better, sure i put on a happy face but inside well my heart is broken anyone who knows how this feels knows exactly wat im feeling, i had a friend quote rise against for me she quoted paper wings she told me that "i cant tell if your laughing, coz between each smile there's a tear in your eye" it felt nice that regardless of the mask im putting on she could still tell my heart was broken and that i wasnt ok, but it also made me sad, it made me feel like i cant hide things as well as i thought, i cant let ppl see what im feeling ive worked so hard 2 be who i am now, im feeling like there is a hole inside that is just never gonna be filled again, i cant show that to the world i have 2 put on a mask keep the world believing im ok

so last nite, was shit house, complete shit, i havent complained in a while everything is going ok, my moods in check, im not drinking as much, im being sensible. now this happens it feels like my heart has been ripped out, it hurts so much, and ppl not takin it seriously it fucking hurt, falling for someone so hard and so fast and then having it all taken away, its a dagger to the heart with nothing to stem the bleeding

yes i know im smitten, im head over heels im a guy and i cna admit it, but i dunno i was those things and so much more, sure she is still on my mind all the time, but she is going off at me because i didnt buy her a ticket 2 a festival with bands she hates???? and she told me not 2. i dunno, yes i love her, but can i truly go through this shit again? is it worth it?

so in the aftermath of the greatest fucking day ever, im sore im aching, my legs arent working properly, my voice isnt fully back, it hurts 2 bang my head. all in all a very successful aftermath lol. im so keen 2 do it again rly rly soon, but alas adelaide is deprived of concerts like this. in so much pain right now, i rly dont give a fuck about what she said, about how she was pissed off, she didnt wanna go so i didnt buy her a ticket, that was my day and she has no place bringing me down over it, fuck it, was epic day and i wouldnt change a thing

SO MOTHERFUCKERS IT HAPPENED soundwave, it was insane a day of jumping, moshing, headbanging, singing, screaming, best day ever, in so much pain rihgt now, cant rly speak i cant rly walk but it was so worth it time 2 recover now