its valentines day ughh. so now will has a girlfriend. and jackies going out with jon....hmm this is just going to be interesting. i wanna be in a relationship with taylor preferably i need this i want to be held. i want to cuddle. i want to go to the movies and make out. i want to talk. i just want to find someone.

today was nice :] talked to taylor a bunches in 6th hour. and it wasnt awkward! for anyone who reads this btw, im really sorry. all i talk about is taylor. hes just about the only thing in my life that i remotely give a fuck about. so valentines day is tomorrow. ughhh. god whoever came up with making valentines day a holiday is retarded and inconsiderate. think about it, valentines day is like the most depressing day of the year for people who are single. not to mention, a day that gives girls a chance to find out how little their boyfriends know about them, as reflected by their absentminded gift giving. whatever. in homebase today, this girl named lindsay who i dont know that well, taylor, christian, and me (zach would have gone but he was at a student coucil meeting :l ) went to a different class to decorate valentines boxes. hahaa we were bored as hell. plus, if you participate, you get free candy. whooo! its soooo funny cus like when we go in there, all these quiet perfectionist preppy girls are trying to make these perfect festive little boxes while we go in there and totally disturb them by being overly obnoxious, making messes with the glitter, contaminating the glue with sparkles, and drawing anarchy signs and stuff like "be mine or die" on our boxes. hahaaa xD its so fucking halarious. all the girls in there like hate me. i have a D in science and a C in algebra. shit. oh well. fred, my asian pal lol, said this today, "omg im about to fail language arts cus i have an 88". hahaha an 88 is a B+ hes so clueless yet utterly halarious. im in like a crazy good mood right now. but uh yeah, thats pretty much all that happened today, but i might add more later. xoxo

so earlier i watched the notebook. its officially my favorite movie even though i cryed pretty much the whole time. so now everyone reading this, if there is anyone, is going to think i just start crying at the drop of a pin. thats just not true so dont get that idea. lately ive been feeling this weird lack of emotion. like stuff is going on that would usually break me down but thats just not happening, i dont know whats wrong. but oh well. watching that movie helped in a way, i guess. if you havent gotten around to seeing the notebook, i strongly suggest you do because its just a life enriching experience. heres a little run down of the basic storyline: the story takes place in the...1940s, i think. the girl is from a high class family while the guy is a lumber worker. they meet in the summer and have a passionate summer long romance. eventually her parents say that they dont approve of the guy and they tragically break up and she moves away the very next day to go to college ect. he writes her a letter every day for one whole year that she never ends up receiving....years later she ends up with a fiance. yet they both long for eachother and can never really truly go on with their lives. she finnaly goes back to him. yadda yadda yadda...happy ending hooray. but yeah. that was a horrible summary. just go rent the movie. but yeah so anyway taylor texts me near the ending and i told him that i was watching the notebook and saying that it was really sad and he said this, "i know :( its depressing if you love someone who doesnt love you back and then watch that movie". and also he says this, "but that just feels bad without the movie". god he has no fucking idea. i cryed my fucking heart out. ill write later.

do you ever just feel awkward? like nothing ever happens the way you want it but then you try to change it and things just end up being worse. like you cant even get to know someone because your so scared that they will hate you. i had the most wonderful dream last night. i finnaly got what i really wanted, taylor. but then i woke up and it all sucked again. it would never work out anyway. the same thing that has always happened will happen again. i would ruin everything like always. i wish he would stop playing games, mindless flirting, and tell me what he really honestly thinks. im tired of this. valentines day is thursday. fucking useless holliday. last night i invited taylor to come to the movies with me, jackie, will, tori, and eric. i didnt think he would be able to come but he actually made it. i was so excited but of course he ended up talking to kelso and she ended up being invited to come. its a bit of a long story as to how that happened that is just too tedious to tell. i guess the good thing is is that he didnt want her there. what was that supposed to mean though? it was a night spent of them hugging, kissing, and talking. i didnt need that. he wants to break up with her but.... im not sure what i want. even so i know he should be happy.

hello. todays good and bad: good- -wasnt forced to do anything productive or hard in geometry today. all we did was make tangrams out of construction paper and design our own figures with them. mine was "abstract flower". haha and i had to start over like twice. lol it was halarious. -talked to taylor and zach in homebase. god zach is weird, he was sitting on my desk and kept like hugging me and crap. god, somehow i found it funny tho. it was all good. -in second hour, i made a hippie headband out of leftover yellow construction paper. it was pretty tight. i wore it allll day. -in chinese, i got a fortune cookie and we watched a movie. rob is so funny. i love him. -i have a big part in the percussion ensemble were doing for contest. its the best. i can actually play it. i play the xylophone :] -sixth hour was funny. i got in trouble a bunch tho, i was too hyper...bad? -after school i got my nails done at the little walmart nail salon. i swear, walmart will take over the world someday. but anyways my nails are neon pink for valentines day. ughh what a depressing holliday. -um i got a vitamin water. yummm. bad- -in first hour, i was trying to salvage as many extra peices of yellow construction paper as i could so i could make my hippie headband but the teacher was like stalking me picking up my trash. crazy old lady... -ms. smucker is just a spazz in social studies. i dont like that class in general. -ms. arnold asked me why i wasnt in band on wendesday (i was skipping). it was kinda bad but i got out of it alright. im not in trouble, but its bad cus im on her "radar". uhh whatever. -MS.HINES IS A FUCKING BITCH. its not even funny. first, she made me and christine take of our headbands. then later i was like "can i go to the bathroom really quick?" and she was like "RAWRRRR! no, you should have gone at lunch, you can wait 20 more minutes". WTF? no, i cant wait 20 more fucking minutes. god. -i got in trouble a bunch in language arts. and taylor was being all quiet and wasnt talking to me at all. :[ not cool. hes just weird like that sometimes. idk what his problem is. hes like the only person i actually really want to talk to and he doesnt even know. i really just dont know what to do. i feel so distant from him lately. -the guy at the nail salon after school kept making comments about me and how i should get a new boyfriend for valentines day. uhmm depressing much? i dont even have a boyfriend right now. god. -toris mom literally hates me. toris my bestfriend and i will never be able to hang out with her after school. i didnt even do anything. i swear, her mom is the biggest hypocritical [christian...psh i doubt it] ive ever seen. you cant just hate someone for no reason. she is a fucking bitch. ughhh this sucks i miss taylor sososososo much. i honestly have lost my love for weekends. i rather be at school where i can slack off and actually see my friends. but yeah. ill write later.

k so right now im in the bathroom at school skipping first hour, using the internet on my phone. im bored as hell. i currently have 17 minutes before i can go to homebase. grrr this sucks. im pretty sure im like addicted to skipping classes. its kinda getting out of control. o well. ive had this weird feeling since last night that something important was going to happen today....its really weird. has anyone heard nine in the afternoon by panic! at the disco? im sure you people have considering that its been out for a while now and its available on itunes. but idk i really like it and am excited for the new album but i just have a feeling that when it is released, its gonna be all over mtv and panic! is gonna lose its charm....or at least whats left of it. i loved AFYCSO because there was so much symbology and meaning to each line, i just hope a wealth of that comes from the new album. enough raving for me....ill post later if something interesting happens.

im really mad at kevin. my ex boyfriend. grrrr. he keeps texting my about his new girlfriend ellen, and talking about how they kiss and hug constantly. god what the hell is his problem? o well. haha yesterday i found some of the funniest videos. i think everyone should go to hopeisemo.com and watch the episode things. they are rather funny and cheered me up :] but i have a weird sense of humor so everyone will probably go to that website and hate the videos hahaa. ive pretty much decided that this last friday was definatley one of the best days this year. at the beginning of the day, we had an asembly that told us about some of the high school electives and what not. that was kinda boring. but after that we went back to our homebase classes so we could get ready to board the busses and go over to the highschool PAC to watch the 8th grade performance drama play. and so taylor is in my homebase so i got to ride the bus with him and listen to his ipod. idk...just something about him is just amazing. so then me and taylor met up with tori and sat down to watch the play. haha it was so funny cus taylor was pretty much talking to me the entire length of the play, telling me all these halarious comments. then like at the end a disco ball came down and me and taylor were like staring at it for like 10 minutes. this will sound cliche and stupid but it was like...romantic. but then taylor met up with kelso.... so me and tori just got on a defferent bus and listened to taylors ipod. thennnn, i met back up with taylor and when we got back to the middle school, taylor found this tube of lip gloss and stepped on it really hard and it got all over his pants and shoe hahaha. after that it was time for lunch/4th hour depending on which courses you took, so i just skipped my 4th hour and went to lunch with tori. so the rest of the day was normal, cept in 6th hour when we were supposed to be reading, like all of my friends and i went to the back of the room and me and taylor like got under this desk thing together. it was amazing. i sound idiotic but i dont really give a shit.

hello. today was not cool. it would have been a perfectly normal day if taylor had actually been at school today, but hes sick. it sucks cus seeing and talking to him is like the only thing that i look forward to. we text eachother alot but since hes been sick for the past 4 days he hasnt been able to text hardly at all. today in language arts, i pretty much didnt do anything...actually i didnt do anything in all of my classes. oh well ill probably fail or something. im actually thinking about like taking social studies over the summer because if i do that, then i will be able to have 3 electives next year. so yeah. but anyways, i think ill recap about everything that happened this past weekend...for possible future reference or something. friday- after school, went to jackies house. a big deal. when i first got there will, anthony, jon, and jackie were already there so i just joined them in watching jackass 2. weird movie. so anyway, then jon and anthony left and it was just me and will and jackie which made me feel i guess more comforatble cus i know both of them, at least will, very well. we just hung out for a while but then i decided that i wanted to go ahead and pierce my nose cus me and will had been talking about doing that for a while, and he recently pierced his own nose too. long story short, it basically didnt work. so yeah then will left and i was there with jackie which was fun. we just talked and stuff. it was good cus i really need to get to know jackie. shes nice. i think im going to let my badly done nose piercing grow in, and then maybe get it professionaly done later. im kinda scared to ask my mom though. oh well, ill suck it up. saturday- woke up late. i had an odyssey of the mind meeting from 1-4. went to that, it was pretty boring but we got a lot done. then, i went with will to the mall. it was really fun except i only had $3 because i left all of my leftover christmas money at home. we shoplifted a bunch of lip balm from bath and body works. it was halarious. sunday- i dont go to church so basically i didnt do anything at all really. however i did get my mom to bleach some of the tips of my dark brown hair. but it didnt really turn out how i wanted it to...oh well i dye it like once a month anyway. so yeahh. ill write later.

1-17-08 hi there. hmm what to say on my first journal entry... i honestly do not know where to start. how about the basics... my name is rachael. im 14. i live somewhere in the US. im a vegetarian. i play piano and used to be in percussion. i feel like one of those kids who's writing their first blog and doesnt know what to say. grrr. so this is pointless. people who are like "oh this is a lyric site, and people need to stop posting journals about their personal life, and write more about music..." are gay. fuck them. people can write about whatever they want to write about, besides most journals that are posted dont even get read by other people. which is also really crazy, when people say in their journals "oh no one is probably reading this..." when in accuality, someone really is. so im not going to say that, but if you really are reading this, email me. please. email= evil_cupcake@rock.com maybe someday ill put out my myspace url. and then again maybe i wont. because someone reading this will probably look up my myspace and realize they know me from school and then go back to my journal and read all this stuff i posted that i really didnt want people to know. i probably have too many secrets. my current favorite artists are Escape the Fate and Alesana. i used to be a fan of the Shiny Toy Guns. stfu.