Saw this on mowthwaush's journal and im bored so im gonna take this little quiz thing and post it. 1. Get pen and paper 2. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW 3. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results. 4. SCROLL DOWN 1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT. 2. Next to the NUMBERS 1 & 2, WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS YOU WANT. 1. 3 2. 11 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 3. Next to the NUMBERS 3 & 7, WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. SAME SEX IF GAY 1. 3 2. 11 3. Taylor 4. 5. 6. 7. Kevin 8. 9. 10. 11. 4. WRITE ANYONES NAME (like FRIENDS or FAMILY...) next to 4, 5, & 6. 1. 3 2. 11 3. Taylor 4. Tori 5. Hannah 6. Will 7. Kevin 8. 9. 10. 11. 5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11 1. 3 2. 11 3. Taylor 4. Tori 5. Hannah 6. Will 7. Kevin 8. My Apocolypse 9. Friends and Alibis 10. Tilting the Hourglass 11. Let's Dance 1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU is found in SPACE 2 11? ahh i doubt it. 2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE kayy 3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7 kevin? yeah well hes a cool kid i guess. 4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4 not really.... 5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL. hannah? okay no way. 6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS YOUR LUCKY STAR HAHA will? BAHAHA 7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3 well that doesnt make since, tilting the hourglass is our song.... 8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7 hmm ok. 9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND okay then. not really. 10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE HAHA lets dance! by scotty vanity! alright. 11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER yes it sure is. maybe thats why i put it there.

so things are looking up. which is good. taylor says i give really soft hugs. lol. im bad at giving hugs, i knew it all along. and taylor says he needs me. awww. how sweet. psh. so im leaving for china in less that 3 weeks. yay! i really cant wait. i need to get away from here. and china will give me some insight im sure. so. yeah. uhm. im trying not to rant. nothing has really happened lately. so ill write later.

a revelation "if you be my boat I'll be your sea a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze I live to make you free I live to make you free but you can set sail to the west if you want to and past the horizon till I can't even see you far from here where the beaches are wide just leave me your wake to remember you by if you be my star I'll be your sky you can hide underneath me and come out at night when I turn jet black and you show off your light I live to let you shine I live to let you shine but you can skyrocket away from me and never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly just leave me your stardust to remember you by stardust to remember you by" im gonna let him go. this will be really hard. he didnt mean to hurt me. i set myself up for this. she truly loves him. and so do i. but i need to accept that she is what he needs. she needs him too. and ill live. and ill be there if he needs me sometimes. someday he'll forget. and it will all be okay. its for the best.

why is it that i always end up in this fucked up situation? its tearing me apart. i just want to fade away. make it all end. i would do anything to some peace of mind. anything.

so earlier i went and hung out at borders and it was fun. i got a new book. its called smack. apparently its supposed to be sorta like the perks of being a wallflower cus they are both written about kids in the 80s. i almoat bought invisible monsters but i decided to just get smack for now. i almost broke down in language arts. god. like taylor thought i was sad cus he wouldnt let me keep his sharpie....lol. i dont really know why im upset with him. hes too forgiving. plus he leads me on and confuses me :l i dont know what hes thinking. im not gonna keep ranting on about him...sorry its hard not to. we had this stupid writing test today. i completely made everything up. it was actually sorta funny...but mostly just boring. i got an email back from my chinese exchange kid. her english name is janet. shes pretty chill. there are only like 20 more days till i go to china. coolio. OM regionals are on the eigth of march. i finished sewing my skirt for that today. ill write later :l

ok ive come to the conclusion that its way to easy to skip classes at my school. right now im in the bathroom listening to my ipod, txting, and writing a journal entry online. lol. this is too fun. but then again im only doing this so that i dont have to see taylor. libbys back at school :l oh well shes a self proclaimed lesbian. i definatley dont say that to be mean. im about the least homophobic person ever. i dont know why any of this matters.....oh well. ill write later.

k so i need to take my mind of everything and im bored. so here. I'm going to do a really lame quiz survey thing. so here- TEN FAVORITES 01. televison show: the office. its the shit. 02. flower: roses. 03. color: red and purple. 04. sport: i hate playing sports. but i love going to high school football games. those were the best days of my life, i swear. 05. mall: woodland hills. 06. music: Alternative/rock/metal. 07. food: chinese. (number 8 is missing :0) 09. animal: i love animals. i dont have a favorite tho. 10. city: i dont have one. TEN FACTS 01. hometown: the shitty town i live in. 02. hair color: dark brown. its fading... but i also have some blonde tips. theyre more like streaks thou. i dye my hair constantly. 03. hair length: like 2 inches past my shoulder. 04. hair style: lots of layers. but they have grown out a bit too much. i need to get my hair cut. 05. eye color: brown. 06. shoe size: around 7. depends on the shoe. 07. mood: at this moment, kinda pissed off. 08. orientation: Straight. 09. available?: i dont care. 10. lefty/righty: righty. TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE 01. have you ever been in love: yes. 02. do you believe in love: yes. 03. why did your last relationship fail?: he was a fucking pansy and i wasnt ready. 04. have you ever been heartbroken: yeah. 05. have you ever broken someone’s heart: im sure i havent. im not that great, someone wouldnt be that upset if i rejected them. 06. have you ever fallen for your best friend: yeah. things didnt get far. it ended up okay. 07. have you ever loved someone but never told them: yeah. 08. are you afraid of commitment: i wouldnt say commitment. no... 09. have you ever had a secret admirer: its not called "secret" admirer for nothing. god. 10. do you believe in love at first sight: No. I believe in lust at first sight. TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT 01. love or money: Love. 02. hard liquor or beer: hard liquor. i want some. 04. one night stands or relationships: It would depend on how I was feeling. I like relationships, but sometimes its nice to just have someone and know its not going anywhere, like you cant hold back. 05. televison or internet: The internet. 06. pepsi or coke: neither. i dont like carbonated beverages. cept for energy drinks when im in the mood. 07. wild night out or romantic night in: depends on who im with. 08. colored or black and white pictures: depends on the picture. 09. phone or in person: In person. i have a phobia of talking on the phone with some people. its weird. 10. aim or myspace: Myspace. TEN HAVE YOU EVERS 01. have you ever been caught sneaking out: nope. 02. have you ever skinny dipped: no. 03. have you ever done something you regret: too many. 04. have you ever bungee jumped: no. 05. have you ever been on a house boat: No. 06. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: probably not. 07. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt: yes. it sucks. 10. have you ever been caught by your parents doing it? no. that would be horrid. TEN EMOTIONS 01. are you missing someone right now: badly. but its more of like emotionally missing someone, not physically missing seeing them. you know? 02. are you happy: no. 03. are you talking to anyone right now: texting yeah. 04. are you bored: Of course. Why else would I be doing this damn quiz? 05. are you german: dont think so. 06. are you irish: well im scottish. and honestly the two countries were right next to eachother, so im guessing at least a little. 07. are you french: idk. 08. are you Italian: idk. 09. are your parents still married: god no. 10. do you like someone right now: i love them. oh my damn that was long. k so id like to make a point. to me, a persons feelings towards another person can be broken down into basic categories. observe: 1. hating someone. 2. not knowing someone. 3. aquentances. (sp?) 4. good friends with someone. 5. liking someone. 6. loving someone. 7. being in love with someone. idk i felt the need to say that. you can love someone without being in love with them just the same as you can like someone and not love them. someone really important taught me this.

i hate how your life can virtually be torn to shreds in a matter of minutes. then that crushing feeling in the pit of your stomach that quickly follows. ughh. i cant decide what to do. or what to believe. to confront him or not to confront him... the sad thing is, is that he says he misses me. fuck him. this is what you can call building yourself up for heartbreak. falling in love with someone and keeping quiet about it for months, taking risks to show you care. hoping its all worth it in the end. but it all goes to hell. then you have to decide, is it worth it to try and pick up the peices? to risk even more? or is it better to just withdraw. forget. to never feel what you thought you needed to feel to live. i dont know. i feel like if i dont do something, he'll leave me. but i still cant decide if thats the right thing or not. and what really pisses me off is that every one of my friends tells me what i dont want to hear. "just forget about it." "just stop talking to him." "just stop worrying about it." then of course the, "oh, that really sucks for you." "you always end up having relationship problems." "that must suck to have everything not work out." makeitallgoaway

ohhkay. and to think for a minute i was done with all the drama.... i was so wrong. today i texted taylor and was just like "hey whats up?" and he starts talking about how i told will about him wanting to break up with kelso and so will told jackie, who told jon, who then told kelso. then supposively, as i found out later, kelso talked to taylor about it. im not to sure about the whole story but basically taylor probably thinks its all my fault. you see, jackie and jon are going out and on friday when will and them were hanging out i guess they ended up telling jon about taylor wanting to break up with kelso, but in a more joking way..? i guess. and now taylor is lying to everyone to cover his ass by saying that he never said anything to begin with. hell, everyone is trying to cover their own asses. but me, will, and jackie have teamed up to be damage control and have made up a cover story (however i really wasnt that involved with the actual making of the story). we are gonna tell everyone that we really dont know for sure if taylor wanted to break up with kelso or not, but that they were just fucking around when they told jon about it. really, no one wants to hurt kelso by telling her that taylor really did want to break up with her. everyone pretty much hates jon though. will wants nothing more that for jon to be hated by everyone. jon is the one that told kelso which he shouldnt have. it is all his fault. he had no right to go and say that. keep your fucking mouth shut. im just glad that jackie and will are on my side. its hard to know who to trust. and tori wont answer her goddamn phone. this sounds confusing i know. i just needed to vent. dont take much of this seriously. ill write more once i clear my head.

ughhh. today is one of those really sad days where you feel like you just want to talk to someone about your current problems even though they arent even a big deal. yeah, those days where you feel like everything thats happened lately isnt tolerable anymore. last night was fun though. might as well rant about that... so i ended up going to the movies with taylor and tori. it was a big deal to me because it was the friday after valentines day and taylor chose to spend it with me :] but uh yeah we went and saw the eye which wasnt excatley a good movie but that didnt matter. you see, taylor is extrememly good at making conversation, but im not. it actually works out perfectly. it was so funny, we talked throughout the entire movie. haha some old guy turned around and told us to shut up. we were kinda leaving tori out, but she owes me so much and she knows it so she didnt mind. i needed her there anyway. i dont know whats wrong with me. i cant get close to a guy. its almost impossible for me. the only guys i can be completely comfortable around are will and fred. and i dont know why. but yeah. taylor gave me two hugs. it was great. except im sure im horrible at giving hugs. its like for the first hug, i put my head on the same side as he did but then for the second hug, i put my head on the other side. its almost awkward because im like a foot or more shorter than him haha. hes soooo tall. and im a bit short. so yeah. but all in all, it was great. today i was txting him and we were doing this whole thing where we argue about who loves the other more except today the little game got really serious. heres how it went: (T=taylor M=me) T: i love you more M: no i love you more T: no way M: yeahuh T: nooo way M: yeah you just have no idea T: no. i will love you longer that you will love me. trust me. M: i dont think so. T: well i know so. M: how do you know? T: because every time this has happened ive been right. M: aww. well ill always love you tho. T: dont make promises you cant keep. M: im not. T: so whatsup? ..... wtf? he has nooo idea. god like this is just getting really annoying. i dont know what to tell him. grrrr. not a good day.